@font-face {
font-family: ‘Guardian Headline Full’;
src: url(‘https://assets.guim.co.uk/static/frontend/fonts/guardian-headline/noalts-not-hinted/GHGuardianHeadline-Light.woff2’) format(‘woff2’),
url(‘https://assets.guim.co.uk/static/frontend/fonts/guardian-headline/noalts-not-hinted/GHGuardianHeadline-Light.woff’) format(‘woff’),
url(‘https://assets.guim.co.uk/static/frontend/fonts/guardian-headline/noalts-not-hinted/GHGuardianHeadline-Light.ttf’) format(‘truetype’);
font-weight: 300;
font-style: normal;
}
@font-face {
font-family: ‘Guardian Headline Full’;
src: url(‘https://assets.guim.co.uk/static/frontend/fonts/guardian-headline/noalts-not-hinted/GHGuardianHeadline-LightItalic.woff2’) format(‘woff2’),
url(‘https://assets.guim.co.uk/static/frontend/fonts/guardian-headline/noalts-not-hinted/GHGuardianHeadline-LightItalic.woff’) format(‘woff’),
url(‘https://assets.guim.co.uk/static/frontend/fonts/guardian-headline/noalts-not-hinted/GHGuardianHeadline-LightItalic.ttf’) format(‘truetype’);
font-weight: 300;
font-style: italic;
}
@font-face {
font-family: ‘Guardian Headline Full’;
src: url(‘https://assets.guim.co.uk/static/frontend/fonts/guardian-headline/noalts-not-hinted/GHGuardianHeadline-Regular.woff2’) format(‘woff2’),
url(‘https://assets.guim.co.uk/static/frontend/fonts/guardian-headline/noalts-not-hinted/GHGuardianHeadline-Regular.woff’) format(‘woff’),
url(‘https://assets.guim.co.uk/static/frontend/fonts/guardian-headline/noalts-not-hinted/GHGuardianHeadline-Regular.ttf’) format(‘truetype’);
font-weight: 400;
font-style: normal;
}
@font-face {
font-family: ‘Guardian Headline Full’;
src: url(‘https://assets.guim.co.uk/static/frontend/fonts/guardian-headline/noalts-not-hinted/GHGuardianHeadline-RegularItalic.woff2’) format(‘woff2’),
url(‘https://assets.guim.co.uk/static/frontend/fonts/guardian-headline/noalts-not-hinted/GHGuardianHeadline-RegularItalic.woff’) format(‘woff’),
url(‘https://assets.guim.co.uk/static/frontend/fonts/guardian-headline/noalts-not-hinted/GHGuardianHeadline-RegularItalic.ttf’) format(‘truetype’);
font-weight: 400;
font-style: italic;
}
@font-face {
font-family: ‘Guardian Headline Full’;
src: url(‘https://assets.guim.co.uk/static/frontend/fonts/guardian-headline/noalts-not-hinted/GHGuardianHeadline-Medium.woff2’) format(‘woff2’),
url(‘https://assets.guim.co.uk/static/frontend/fonts/guardian-headline/noalts-not-hinted/GHGuardianHeadline-Medium.woff’) format(‘woff’),
url(‘https://assets.guim.co.uk/static/frontend/fonts/guardian-headline/noalts-not-hinted/GHGuardianHeadline-Medium.ttf’) format(‘truetype’);
font-weight: 500;
font-style: normal;
}
@font-face {
font-family: ‘Guardian Headline Full’;
src: url(‘https://assets.guim.co.uk/static/frontend/fonts/guardian-headline/noalts-not-hinted/GHGuardianHeadline-MediumItalic.woff2’) format(‘woff2’),
url(‘https://assets.guim.co.uk/static/frontend/fonts/guardian-headline/noalts-not-hinted/GHGuardianHeadline-MediumItalic.woff’) format(‘woff’),
url(‘https://assets.guim.co.uk/static/frontend/fonts/guardian-headline/noalts-not-hinted/GHGuardianHeadline-MediumItalic.ttf’) format(‘truetype’);
font-weight: 500;
font-style: italic;
}
@font-face {
font-family: ‘Guardian Headline Full’;
src: url(‘https://assets.guim.co.uk/static/frontend/fonts/guardian-headline/noalts-not-hinted/GHGuardianHeadline-Semibold.woff2’) format(‘woff2’),
url(‘https://assets.guim.co.uk/static/frontend/fonts/guardian-headline/noalts-not-hinted/GHGuardianHeadline-Semibold.woff’) format(‘woff’),
url(‘https://assets.guim.co.uk/static/frontend/fonts/guardian-headline/noalts-not-hinted/GHGuardianHeadline-Semibold.ttf’) format(‘truetype’);
font-weight: 600;
font-style: normal;
}
@font-face {
font-family: ‘Guardian Headline Full’;
src: url(‘https://assets.guim.co.uk/static/frontend/fonts/guardian-headline/noalts-not-hinted/GHGuardianHeadline-SemiboldItalic.woff2’) format(‘woff2’),
url(‘https://assets.guim.co.uk/static/frontend/fonts/guardian-headline/noalts-not-hinted/GHGuardianHeadline-SemiboldItalic.woff’) format(‘woff’),
url(‘https://assets.guim.co.uk/static/frontend/fonts/guardian-headline/noalts-not-hinted/GHGuardianHeadline-SemiboldItalic.ttf’) format(‘truetype’);
font-weight: 600;
font-style: italic;
}Here’s the rewritten version in fluent, natural English:
“`css
@font-face {
font-family: ‘Guardian Headline Full’;
src: url(‘https://assets.guim.co.uk/static/frontend/fonts/guardian-headline/noalts-not-hinted/GHGuardianHeadline-Bold.woff2’) format(‘woff2’),
url(‘https://assets.guim.co.uk/static/frontend/fonts/guardian-headline/noalts-not-hinted/GHGuardianHeadline-Bold.woff’) format(‘woff’),
url(‘https://assets.guim.co.uk/static/frontend/fonts/guardian-headline/noalts-not-hinted/GHGuardianHeadline-Bold.ttf’) format(‘truetype’);
font-weight: 700;
font-style: normal;
}
@font-face {
font-family: ‘Guardian Headline Full’;
src: url(‘https://assets.guim.co.uk/static/frontend/fonts/guardian-headline/noalts-not-hinted/GHGuardianHeadline-BoldItalic.woff2’) format(‘woff2’),
url(‘https://assets.guim.co.uk/static/frontend/fonts/guardian-headline/noalts-not-hinted/GHGuardianHeadline-BoldItalic.woff’) format(‘woff’),
url(‘https://assets.guim.co.uk/static/frontend/fonts/guardian-headline/noalts-not-hinted/GHGuardianHeadline-BoldItalic.ttf’) format(‘truetype’);
font-weight: 700;
font-style: italic;
}
@font-face {
font-family: ‘Guardian Headline Full’;
src: url(‘https://assets.guim.co.uk/static/frontend/fonts/guardian-headline/noalts-not-hinted/GHGuardianHeadline-Black.woff2’) format(‘woff2’),
url(‘https://assets.guim.co.uk/static/frontend/fonts/guardian-headline/noalts-not-hinted/GHGuardianHeadline-Black.woff’) format(‘woff’),
url(‘https://assets.guim.co.uk/static/frontend/fonts/guardian-headline/noalts-not-hinted/GHGuardianHeadline-Black.ttf’) format(‘truetype’);
font-weight: 900;
font-style: normal;
}
@font-face {
font-family: ‘Guardian Headline Full’;
src: url(‘https://assets.guim.co.uk/static/frontend/fonts/guardian-headline/noalts-not-hinted/GHGuardianHeadline-BlackItalic.woff2’) format(‘woff2’),
url(‘https://assets.guim.co.uk/static/frontend/fonts/guardian-headline/noalts-not-hinted/GHGuardianHeadline-BlackItalic.woff’) format(‘woff’),
url(‘https://assets.guim.co.uk/static/frontend/fonts/guardian-headline/noalts-not-hinted/GHGuardianHeadline-BlackItalic.ttf’) format(‘truetype’);
font-weight: 900;
font-style: italic;
}
@font-face {
font-family: ‘Guardian Titlepiece’;
src: url(‘https://assets.guim.co.uk/static/frontend/fonts/guardian-titlepiece/noalts-not-hinted/GTGuardianTitlepiece-Bold.woff2’) format(‘woff2’),
url(‘https://assets.guim.co.uk/static/frontend/fonts/guardian-titlepiece/noalts-not-hinted/GTGuardianTitlepiece-Bold.woff’) format(‘woff’),
url(‘https://assets.guim.co.uk/static/frontend/fonts/guardian-titlepiece/noalts-not-hinted/GTGuardianTitlepiece-Bold.ttf’) format(‘truetype’);
font-weight: 700;
font-style: normal;
}
@media (min-width: 71.25em) {
.content__main-column–interactive {
margin-left: 160px;
}
}
@media (min-width: 81.25em) {
.content__main-column–interactive {
margin-left: 240px;
}
}
.content__main-column–interactive .element-atom {
max-width: 620px;
}
@media (max-width: 46.24em) {
.content__main-column–interactive .element-atom {
max-width: 100%;
}
}
.content__main-column–interactive .element-showcase {
margin-left: 0;
}
@media (min-width: 46.25em) {
.content__main-column–interactive .element-showcase {
max-width: 620px;
}
}
@media (min-width: 71.25em) {
.content__main-column–interactive .element-showcase {
max-width: 860px;
}
}
.content__main-column–interactive .element-immersive {
max-width: 1100px;
}
@media (max-width: 46.24em) {
.content__main-column–interactive .element-immersive {
width: calc(100vw – var(–scrollbar-width, 0px));
position: relative;
left: 50%;
right: 50%;
margin-left: calc(-50vw + var(–half-scrollbar-width, 0px)) !important;
margin-right: calc(-50vw + var(–half-scrollbar-width, 0px)) !important;
}
}
@media (min-width: 46.25em) {
.content__main-column–interactive .element-immersive {
transform: translate(-20px);
width: calc(100% + 60px);
}
}
@media (max-width: 71.24em) {
.content__main-column–interactive .element-immersive {
margin-left: 0;
margin-right: 0;
}
}
@media (min-width: 71.25em) {
.content__main-column–interactive .element-immersive {
transform: translate(0);
width: auto;
}
}
@media (min-width: 81.25em) {
.content__main-column–interactive .element-immersive {
max-width: 1260px;
}
}
.content__main-column–interactive p,
.content__main-column–interactive ul {
max-width: 620px;
}
.content__main-column–interactive:before {
position: absolute;
top: 0;
height: calc(100% + 15px);
min-height: 100px;
content: “”;
}
@media (min-width: 71.25em) {
/ Additional styles can go here if needed /
}
“`
This version keeps the original CSS structure and meaning intact while making the code cleaner and easier to read.Here’s the rewritten text in fluent, natural English:
The main interactive column has a left border that is 1 pixel wide and light gray. On wider screens (over 81.25em), this border shifts slightly to the left. Inside this column, elements like atoms have no top or bottom margin but include padding. When a paragraph is followed by an atom, the padding is removed and replaced with a 12-pixel margin on both sides. Inline elements are limited to a maximum width of 620 pixels, and on screens wider than 61.25em, figures with the inline role also follow this width limit.
For media sections containing a loop figure, the caption sits above other content, and the loop button is 32 pixels wide, aligned to the bottom right with some margin. The caption button is also given a high stacking order. On screens wider than 46.25em, cinemagraph figures can have an unlimited maximum height.
In the body section, self-hosted videos are displayed as block elements, up to 620 pixels wide, with 12-pixel margins above and below. If the video is inside a loop figure, both the figure and the video take full width and auto height, centered. When the loop figure is marked as immersive, the video container expands to full width with no margins. On very wide screens (over 71.25em), immersive videos can be 1140 pixels wide and shift left by 180 pixels, with captions indented. On even wider screens (over 81.25em), they can be 1300 pixels wide and shift left by 260 pixels.
The design uses several color variables: dateline is dark gray, header borders are light gray, captions are medium gray with a dark background, and the feature color is red. These colors can change based on the pillar or theme. Subheadings, pull quotes, and block quotes also use pillar-specific colors, which adjust in dark mode unless the light color scheme is forced.
Interactive elements like atoms have no padding. In various content areas, if an atom or a horizontal rule appears right before a paragraph, the paragraph’s top margin is removed to keep the layout clean.Here’s the rewritten version in fluent, natural English:
The first paragraph after an element atom, sign-in gate, or horizontal rule (except the last one) gets 14 pixels of padding at the top. The first letter of that paragraph uses a large, bold, uppercase serif font (Guardian Headline or similar), floats to the left, has a font size of 111 pixels and line height of 92 pixels, with 8 pixels of right margin. Its color comes from a custom property called `–drop-cap` or `–new-pillar-colour`.
Paragraphs that come right after a horizontal rule have no top padding. Pull quotes are limited to a maximum width of 620 pixels.
For showcase images, the caption is normally positioned statically and takes the full width up to 620 pixels. On screens wider than 71.25 em, the caption becomes absolutely positioned with a max width of 140 pixels. On screens wider than 81.25 em, the max width increases to 220 pixels.
Immersive elements take up the full viewport width minus the scrollbar width. On screens narrower than 71.24 em, they have a max width of 978 pixels, and their captions get 10 pixels of horizontal padding. On screens between 30 em and 71.24 em, the caption padding increases to 20 pixels. On screens between 46.25 em and 61.24 em, immersive elements…Here’s the rewritten version in fluent, natural English:
The immersive element has a maximum width of 738px. On smaller screens (under 46.24em), the immersive element should have a left margin of -10px and no right margin. For screens between 30em and 46.24em, the left margin increases to -20px, and the caption gets 20px of padding on each side.
On wider screens (71.25em and above), showcase images in the main content area should have a left margin of -160px. On even wider screens (81.25em and above), that margin increases to -240px.
The furniture wrapper is positioned relatively. On screens 61.25em and wider, it becomes a grid with 20px gaps between columns and no gaps between rows. The grid has 10 columns: the first five are for the title, headline, meta, and standfirst, and the last five are for the portrait. The rows are arranged so the title and portrait start together, followed by the headline, then the standfirst, and finally the meta.
In this layout, the first child of the headline section gets a top border. The meta section has some top padding and no right margin. The standfirst has a small bottom margin, and its list items use a 20px font size. Links in the standfirst are underlined with a 6px offset, and the underline color changes on hover.
On screens 71.25em and wider, the grid changes to 14 columns: two for the title and headline, five for the standfirst, and seven for the portrait. The rows adjust so the title and portrait start at 80px, followed by the headline, then the standfirst and meta together. The meta section gets a 540px-wide top border. The standfirst no longer has a top border, but it does have a decorative element before it.The `e=standfirst]:before` rule adds a vertical line by placing a 1px-wide element with the header border color, positioned absolutely at the top and 0.5px from the left.
For screens wider than 81.25em, the `.furniture-wrapper` uses a grid layout with 16 columns and three rows. The title, headline, and meta span the first three columns, standfirst spans the next five, and portrait spans the last eight. The rows are set at 0.25fr for the title, 1fr for the headline, and 0.75fr for the standfirst and meta. In this layout, the `#meta` or `[data-gu-name=meta]` element has a 620px-wide line before it, and the standfirst’s line is shifted slightly left.
Inside the article header, the labels within the title section have 2px of top padding.
The headline’s `h1` is bold (font-weight 600), with a max width of 620px and a font size of 32px. On screens wider than 71.25em, the max width shrinks to 540px and the font size increases to 50px.
For screens wider than 46.25em, the `keyline-4` or `[data-gu-name=lines]` element has no right margin. On screens wider than 61.25em, it is hidden entirely. Its SVG uses the header border color for the stroke.
The meta section also has no right margin on screens wider than 46.25em. Its social and comment elements use the header border color for their borders. Inside the meta container, any `gu-island` elements are hidden.
The standfirst is positioned with a left margin of -10px, left padding of 10px, and relative positioning. On screens wider than 46.25em, it gains 2px of top padding. Its paragraphs are regular weight (400), 20px font size, with 14px bottom padding.
The main media or `[data-gu-name=media]` is positioned relatively, with no top margin and 2px bottom margin, and sits in the portrait grid area. Its inner divs are full width with no horizontal margin. On screens wider than 61.25em, the bottom margin is removed. On screens narrower than 46.24em, the media spans the full viewport width (minus scrollbar) and shifts left by 10px, or 20px if the screen is at least 30em wide.
The figure caption is positioned at the bottom, with 4px top padding and 12px bottom padding, using the caption background and text colors. It spans the full width, has no max width, and a minimum height of 46px. Its `span` elements use the header border color for text and SVG fills. The first span is hidden, while the second is shown with a max width of 90%. On screens at least 30em wide, the caption’s horizontal padding increases to 20px. When hidden, the caption becomes fully transparent.
The caption button is displayed as a block, positioned at the bottom 10px and right 8px, with a z-index of 30. It uses the caption background color, has no border, and is fully rounded.Here is the rewritten text in fluent, natural English:
The padding is set to 6px on the top and bottom, and 5px on the left and right. In the furniture wrapper, the caption button’s SVG is scaled down to 85% of its original size. On screens wider than 30em, the caption button is positioned 10px from the right. On screens wider than 71.25em, the main interactive column’s top margin is adjusted to -12px, and its height is increased by 24px. The main interactive column’s h2 headings have a maximum width of 620px.
For devices running iOS or Android, the following custom properties are defined: the dark background is set to a very dark gray (#1a1a1a), the feature color is red (#c70000), the dark mode feature color is a lighter red (#ff5943), and the new pillar color defaults to the primary pillar or the feature color. In dark mode on these devices, the new pillar color switches to the dark mode pillar or the dark mode feature color.
On iOS and Android devices, the first letter of the first paragraph after certain elements (like an atom or sign-in gate) in feature, standard, and comment article containers is colored using the secondary pillar or black. Also on these devices, the article header in feature, standard, and comment containers has a height of zero. The furniture wrapper in these containers has padding of 4px on top and 10px on the sides, with no bottom padding. Inside the furniture wrapper, the content labels use a bold, serif font (Guardian Headline or Georgia) and are colored with the new pillar color, with the text capitalized.Here’s the rewritten CSS in fluent, natural English:
For the headline inside the furniture wrapper on Android devices, the font size is 32 pixels, bold, with 12 pixels of padding at the bottom, and the color is set to dark (#121212).
On both iOS and Android, when an image appears inside the furniture wrapper, it’s positioned relatively. It has a 14-pixel top margin and no left margin (0), but it extends 10 pixels to the left. Its width takes up the full viewport width, minus any scrollbar width, and its height adjusts automatically.
For the image itself, along with its inner container and any links inside it, the background is transparent. The width is also set to the full viewport width minus the scrollbar, and the height is forced to auto.
The standfirst section (the introductory text) on both iOS and Android has 4 pixels of padding on top and 24 pixels on the bottom, with a negative right margin of 10 pixels.
Inside the standfirst, any paragraph text uses the font family: Guardian Headline, Guardian Egyptian Web, Guardian Headline Full, or Georgia (serif).
And for any links inside the standfirst—whether in a list item or not—the styling applies as well.Here’s the rewritten version in fluent, natural English:
On Android devices, links inside the standfirst section of feature, standard, and comment articles are styled with the pillar color, no background image, an underline with a 6px offset, and a border-bottom of none. The underline color uses the header border color (or a default of #dcdcdc).
On both iOS and Android, when you hover over those same links in any of the three article types, the underline color changes to the pillar color.
For iOS and Android, the meta section in feature, standard, and comment articles has no margin. Also, the byline text, author names, and any byline links or spans within the meta section all use the pillar color.
The meta__misc section in feature, standard, and comment articles on iOS… (the text cuts off here).For iOS and Android, the `.meta__misc` section inside `.furniture-wrapper` within article containers (feature, standard, and comment) has no padding.
On both iOS and Android, the SVG icons in the `.meta__misc` section of these article containers use a stroke color defined by `–new-pillar-colour`.
For iOS and Android, the caption button (`#caption-button`) inside `.element–showcase` within the `.furniture-wrapper` of all article containers is displayed as a flexbox. It has 5px padding, centered content, and is 28px wide by 28px tall, positioned 14px from the right.
On both iOS and Android, the article body (`.article__body`) in feature, standard, and comment containers has 12px padding on the left and right.
For iOS and Android, image figures (`.element-image`) inside the article body that are not thumbnails or immersive have no margin. Their width is calculated as the full viewport width minus 24px and the scrollbar width, and their height is automatic. The captions for these images have no padding.
On both iOS and Android, immersive image figures (`.element-image.element-immersive`) inside the article body have a width equal to the full viewport width minus the scrollbar width.
For iOS, blockquotes with the class `.quoted` inside the prose section of the article body have a specific styling before their content.Here’s the rewritten version in fluent, natural English:
For quoted text in articles, the color is set by the new pillar color variable. Links within article text are styled with the primary pillar color, underlined with a 6px offset, and use the header border color for the underline. When you hover over these links, the underline color changes to the new pillar color.
In dark mode, the furniture wrapper background becomes dark gray (#1a1a1a). The content labels inside the wrapper use the new pillar color. The main headline (h1) has no background and uses the header border color. Standfirst text also uses the header border color. Links in the standfirst and author names in the byline follow the same styling rules.Here’s the rewritten version in fluent, natural English:
On both Android and iOS, the author’s name in the article metadata uses the pillar color. The icons in the metadata section also use that same pillar color. For showcase images, the captions are styled with the dateline color. Blockquotes within the article body are also shown in the pillar color.
Additionally, on both platforms, the main content areas—including the article body, interactive content, feature body, comment body, and any section labeled with `[data-gu-name=body]`—all have a dark background.Here is the rewritten text in fluent, natural English:
On iOS devices, when viewing a feature article, the first letter of a paragraph that comes right after an element atom (or after a sign-in gate followed by an element atom) should be styled in a special way. This applies to paragraphs inside the article body, interactive content sections, feature body sections, sections marked with `data-gu-name=”body”`, and comment body sections.
The same styling also applies to standard articles and comment articles on iOS, in all the same sections: the article body, interactive content, feature body, `data-gu-name=”body”`, and comment body.
On Android devices, this styling applies to the feature article container as well.Here’s the rewritten version in fluent, natural English:
On Android devices, when viewing feature, standard, or comment articles, the first letter of the first paragraph after an element atom should be styled in a special way. This applies whether the paragraph comes right after the element atom, or after a sign-in gate that follows the element atom. The same rule applies to paragraphs in the article body, interactive content sections, feature body, comment body, and any section with the data attribute “data-gu-name=body.”.element-atom + p:first-letter,
body.android #comment-article-container #comment-body .element-atom + .sign-in-gate + p:first-letter,
body.android #comment-article-container #comment-body .element-atom + #sign-in-gate + p:first-letter {
color: var(–new-pillar-colour, #ffffff);
}
body.ios.garnett–type-comment #comment-article-container .furniture-wrapper .standfirst,
body.android.garnett–type-comment #comment-article-container .furniture-wrapper .standfirst {
padding-top: 24px;
margin-top: 0;
}
.prose h2 {
font-size: 24px;
}
body.ios #feature-article-container #caption-button,
body.ios #standard-article-container #caption-button,
body.ios #comment-article-container #caption-button {
padding: 6px 5px 0;
}
body.android #feature-article-container #caption-button,
body.android #standard-article-container #caption-button,
body.android #comment-article-container #caption-button {
padding: 4px 4px 0;
}
@media (prefers-color-scheme: dark) {
:root:root:not([data-color-scheme=light]) {
–follow-text: #dcdcdc;
–follow-icon-fill: var(–darkmode-pillar);
–standfirst-text: #dcdcdc;
–standfirst-link-text: var(–darkmode-pillar);
–standfirst-link-border: var(–darkmode-pillar);
–byline: var(–darkmode-pillar);
}
}
body.ios,
body.android {
background-color: #fff;
}
body.ios #feature-article-container .furniture-wrapper .content__labels,
body.ios #standard-article-container .furniture-wrapper .content__labels,
body.ios #comment-article-container .furniture-wrapper .content__labels,
body.android #feature-article-container .furniture-wrapper .content__labels,
body.android #standard-article-container .furniture-wrapper .content__labels,
body.android #comment-article-container .furniture-wrapper .content__labels,
body.ios #feature-article-container .furniture-wrapper h1.headline,
body.ios #standard-article-container .furniture-wrapper h1.headline,
body.ios #comment-article-container .furniture-wrapper h1.headline,
body.android #feature-article-container .furniture-wrapper h1.headline,
body.android #standard-article-container .furniture-wrapper h1.headline,
body.android #comment-article-container .furniture-wrapper h1.headline {
font-weight: 700;
}
.article .article__body h2,
article.content–interactive [data-gu-name=body] h2 {
font-weight: 200;
}
.article .article__body h2:has(strong),
article.content–interactive [data-gu-name=body] h2:has(strong) {
font-weight: 700;
}
.content__meta-container_dcr > div > gu-island {
display: block !important;
}
—
Cory Doctorow
View image in fullscreen
Photograph: Sean Gallup/Getty Images
Dear Comrade Trump,
On this occasion of your 80th birthday, I want to sincerely thank you for all you’ve done. After decades of gridlock, you’ve inspired the world to take action! You’ve done more to de-dollarize the world than any American leader in history. Without you, Ethiopia would never be revaluing its national debt in yuan. You’ve done more to end global dependence on oil than any leader (except maybe Comrade Putin). Without you, India wouldn’t be ditching gas stoves for induction cooktops. And of course, you’ve done more than any president in history to end American dominance over the internet. Without you, the EU wouldn’t be racing ahead with projects like Eurostack and the European Digital Infrastructure Consortium, with entire countries dropping American tech like Microsoft Office 365 in favor of free, open, auditable, transparent alternatives running on servers within the EU’s borders.
Comrade Trump, you are finally ushering in the post-American world, and a grateful planet salutes you!
Cory Doctorow is a journalist, author, and internet activist.
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Piers Morgan
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Photograph: James Manning/PA
Happy 80th, Donald! I think I can be that familiar, Mr. President, since we’ve been friends for 20 years.
The world will surely mark your big day in many good, bad, and ugly ways. But birthdays are for celebrating, so I’ll focus on one aspect of your character that everyone can agree on: your incredible resilience.
You’ve been shot,You’ve been prosecuted, impeached twice, gone through two messy divorces, survived a financial crisis that ruined many of your friends, clawed your way back from political disgrace to win the White House again, and faced more ridicule, abuse, and hatred than any public figure in modern times. Yet here you are—alive, surprisingly healthy (that’s what happens when you never touch alcohol, drugs, or cigarettes), and still bursting with incredible energy for someone entering their ninth decade.
When we spoke a week after someone nearly killed you, you’d just come off another big rally stage. “Weren’t you scared?” I asked. “I couldn’t let myself think about that,” you replied. “I had to get right back out there.” Not many people would do that just days after a bullet grazed their ear.
You might be the most polarizing, divisive, controversial, and inflammatory president in US history. But no one can deny you have the thick skin of a thousand rhinos.
Piers Morgan is a journalist and broadcaster who got close to Trump after winning the US celebrity version of The Apprentice in 2008 (Trump called him “ruthless, arrogant, evil, and obnoxious”). Morgan conducted Trump’s first international broadcast interview after he became president and has interviewed him three more times.
Happy birthday, President Trump! By any measure, you’ve achieved an astonishing number of things in your 80 years. You’ve dismantled the safeguards against fascism that our three branches of government were meant to provide. You’ve turned the presidency into a circus of corruption and self-interest that would embarrass the robber barons of the last century. You’ve destroyed whatever goodwill and respect America had around the world, and given up our influence in science, medicine, and climate technology for the foreseeable future. You’ve made racism and xenophobia part of the law, weakened higher education, and stripped away women’s rights. The sheer scale and variety of your attacks have left your critics dazed, forced to choose every day between fighting your lawless chaos and trying to keep some normal life so our kids still believe they have a future.
I like to think your rampage has exposed weaknesses in our government that needed exposing—that when you and your followers are gone, we’ll know what steps to take to make sure no one like you can ever hijack and destroy our country again. But then, I’m an optimist.
One thing is certain: you’ve been more effective than anyone could have imagined, so you’ve more than earned an early retirement. Take it! Enjoy your remaining golden years on the golf course, knowing you’ve exceeded the expectations of almost everyone in the world.
Jennifer Egan is a Pulitzer prize-winning author.
My first thought was to give you a one-way ticket to The Hague as a birthday gift, but that comment would probably go over your head. Instead, I’ll give you a can of alphabet soup—the sentences you produce will be more coherent than anything you’ve ever said. Now you can finally take part in meaningful public discussion.
Greta Thunberg is a climate activist. After she was named Time magazine’s Person of the Year for 2019, Trump tweeted: “Greta must work on her Anger Management problem … Chill Greta, Chill!”
Life in the universe is the most precious thing we all share. Anyone who treats it as something to be bought and sold is hurting the progress of human civilization and will only be remembered with contempt.
Ai Weiwei is a Chinese artist, documentarian, and activist, and an open critic of the Trump administration.In the photo: Sarah Lee/The Guardian
Happy birthday, big man! I wanted to get you something really big and over-the-top for your special day. I thought about a gold bar, but the Swiss already gave you one. Or a jumbo jet, but the Qataris beat me to it. Then I thought about a gold peace medal, but your buddy Gianni from FIFA already did that.
How incredibly thoughtful of your acting attorney general, Todd Blanche (remind me, wasn’t he your personal lawyer?), to announce that the tax authorities are “forever barred” and “precluded” from ever looking at your tax returns again. I mean, that’s amazing, isn’t it? And it doesn’t just apply to you, but to the boys as well.
How lucky, given how much richer the family has gotten since you returned to the presidency. I hope it was profitable to have Eric join you on the state visit to China.
Can you imagine how much every American would love to just fill in whatever they wanted on their IRS return, knowing the tax authorities could never even raise an eyebrow? You could write: “Income: none. Gifts: none. Tax due: none.” And the auditors couldn’t do a thing about it.
I have to say, I thought it was a bit unusual when you announced you were suing your own government for $10 billion over the leak of your tax returns all those years ago. But you’ve been proven right again.
That said, I can’t think of anything to buy you now, since you seem to have everything any man could legitimately want. I mean, it is legitimate, isn’t it? Jon Sopel is a presenter on The News Agents podcast and was formerly the North America editor for BBC News.
Siri Hustvedt
View image in fullscreen Photo: David Levenson/Getty Images
Dear Number 47. You’re aging fast, Mr. President, plagued by bruises, memory lapses, verbal confusion, and unwelcome fits of sleep. Although it’s obvious to many of us who didn’t vote for you, your age and inevitable death have been invisible in the Magaverse.
Maga magic transformed your real, fat, old man’s body into the spectacular body of American-style fascism: bulletproof, muscular, eternal. The many superhero costumes worn by your January 6 terrorists were proof of that pathetic fantasy of invulnerability, no doubt helped along by the very real carnage of a global pandemic.
“White Americans do not believe in death,” James Baldwin wrote. He understood the aggressive blindness to history, the loud cries of innocence, the crazy belief in “racial” hierarchy as projections of self-hatred onto others. Ignoring the universal reality of death turns human beings into amoral monsters.
And yet, birth is also a problem in the Magaverse. The fact that you were born from your mother’s body, a bloody, wet, helpless infant still attached to her by a gelatinous umbilical cord, must feel a bit awkward. The realities of pregnancy and birth are the realities of dependence and connection, whereas the Maga man is self-made, supposedly dependent on no one, and violently rejects everything coded as feminine – compassion, empathy, negotiation, ecology, and democracy itself.
Not such a happy birthday, then. ICE murders, immigrant concentration camps, pregnant women bleeding out in parking lots because they can’t get an abortion, measles outbreaks, huge numbers dead after USAID disappeared, broken alliances, and a war no one wanted are the real consequences of delusion. But time is relentless, the citizens are restless, and your fantasy body is starting to crack, just as your real body is showing the frailties that come with being 80 years old. Siri Hustvedt is an American novelist and essayist.
Jonathan Freedland
View image in fullscreen Photo: Linda Nylind/The Guardian
The temptation is strong to throw away all convention and do what you would do on the birthday of someone you don’t like – to curse and mock you. Curse you for the poison you’ve injected into the bloodstream of the US and the wider world, for your corruption, for theYou’ve damaged the world’s most powerful democracy, told tens of thousands of documented lies, destroyed lives by shutting down USAID, and botched a war with Iran. And we mock your ridiculous vanity—your statues, ballrooms, and arches, clearly meant to fill a hole in your soul that can’t be filled, to make up for the nagging truth that, as your would-be successor Gavin Newsom told me, “Trump’s not enough. And he knows he’s not enough.” That temptation is strong, especially since we know you don’t care about social norms. I’m thinking of the insults you aimed at beloved film director Rob Reiner, just hours after his death, because he wasn’t a fan of yours. Or your reaction to the passing of former FBI director Robert Mueller: “I’m glad he’s dead.” Yet, for that very reason—to stand against your erosion of valuable social standards—we shouldn’t give in to temptation. So here it is: happy birthday, Mr. President. Jonathan Freedland is a Guardian columnist and host of the Politics Weekly America podcast.
Bill McKibben
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On your birthday: You didn’t need to start a cruel, pointless war to show the world the benefits of wind and solar energy. But you do deserve one small gold trophy as electric vehicle salesman of the quarter. Enjoy. Bill McKibben is an American environmentalist.
Anthony Scaramucci
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I found this birthday message for you outside Trump Tower: “You sold me your soul. You got what you wanted. The tower. The power. The money. Your name in gold. But you left a trail behind you, and it leads to the ninth circle. Goethe said any soul, while still living, can be saved. Will yours? Happy Birthday – Mephistopheles.” Anthony Scaramucci was director of communications at the White House from July 21 to July 31, 2017. He will be on tour in the UK with Intelligence Squared from September 14 to 19.
View image in fullscreen Illustration: Carl Godfrey/The Guardian
Dom Joly
View image in fullscreen Photograph: Comic Relief/Getty Images
Hey Donald, You locked me out for insulting you on Twitter back in 2014, when it was still Twitter. I was right then, and I’m right now: you’re a narcissistic, lying fraud who has somehow convinced a lot of people that you care about them, when the only thing you really care about is yourself. Enjoy your birthday while the world burns. Dom Joly is a British comedian who was denied entry to the US because of his social media posts.
Afua Hirsch
View image in fullscreen Photograph: Dave Benett/Getty Images
Dear Donald Trump, You’ve reached 80, an age where, in my culture, you should be celebrated as an elder. As an octogenarian, you should sit under the shade of the tree you planted and watch all the children given a chance by your kindness and wisdom grow into adults who will plant more trees. But you’ve spent your life cutting down trees, both figuratively and literally. This milestone makes you the ultimate anti-elder—a cautionary tale of age without wisdom, of cultivating hate instead of love. Instead of building up the community, you’ve tried to set it on fire. That doesn’t mean we don’t value your life. Every age needs its cautionary tale. For our generation, you’ve helpfully shown us what destruction looks like. You’ve taken us to rock bottom—rolling back gender equality, racial justice, and judicial independence, promoting economic chaos, greed, corruption, and even genocide. You’ve exposed the fragility of your country, a nation whose supposed democracy people once admired, waking millions up from their slumber. The crudeness of your project has united former bitter enemies. It’s clear your legacy must never be repeated. On your birthday, let’s take a moment to rThat really is quite an achievement. Afua Hirsch is a writer and broadcaster.
Edel Rodriguez
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Photograph: Deborah Feingold
Edel Rodriguez is a Cuban artist known for his satirical anti-Trump covers for Time and Der Spiegel.
Sidney Blumenthal
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Photograph: The Guardian
Donald, after writing nice little thank-you notes to your three wise men – Kash Patel for the bottle engraved “President Donald J Trump Bourbon,” Pete Hegseth for the framed copy of the “President Donald J Trump Ten Commandments,” and Bobby Jr for the “President Donald J Trump Cocaine Golden Toilet Seat” – please consider the practical and forward-looking art of Swedish death cleaning. Decluttering can save your family a lot of trouble. In the coming year, the Democrats taking control of Congress will subpoena records of your many business dealings. And don’t forget the 3 million suppressed documents in the Epstein files – especially any that have your name redacted. Avoid the chaos, legal costs, and accusations from fake news that you’re covering things up. Organize your files now to be ready to cooperate. Don’t be a hoarder. Don’t pile boxes of documents in the Mar-a-Lago bathroom again. You can prove your complete innocence, finally get the retribution you want, and stop the crown jewel of your new East Wing from being renamed “The 8647 Joseph Robinette Biden Ballroom” – all through Swedish death cleaning. We know you like things neat. Be best! Four more years!
Sidney Blumenthal is a former senior adviser to President Bill Clinton and Hillary Clinton.
Oliver Bullough
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Photograph: Jeff Gilbert/Shutterstock
Mr. President, your 80th year has been huge, especially since you’ve made hundreds of millions of dollars from cryptocurrencies. But since it’s your birthday, I want to share a bit of history with you.
It’s no accident that the US dollar became central to global business: your predecessors worked hard to establish a dollar standard, giving the US an effective veto over who does what. Anyone who wanted to move money had to go through New York, and therefore needed permission from US authorities. Britain learned this during the Suez Crisis, just as Russia is learning now – you can’t do much in global finance if the United States doesn’t want you to.
But crypto marks the end of that. Privatized money means a future where the US has no more power over financial flows than any other country. Washington will become a supplicant for the first time in generations, reduced to begging others for powers it once kept for itself. That’s what the crypto bros are buying with the money they’re giving you. And once they have those capabilities, they’ll never give them back. Is selling a key source of national influence for personal profit really going to Make America Great Again?
Oliver Bullough is an investigative journalist who has written about cryptocurrencies.
Peter Frankopan
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Photograph: Charles Moriarty
On your 80th birthday, you might be thinking about how history will remember your time as president.
Like many people around the world, I have a lot to thank you for. Perhaps most important is your commitment to renewable energy. Your decision to attack Iran helped speed up a shift away from fossil fuels. It turned out that fears of a warming planet weren’t enough to focus attention – but the shock of the Strait of Hormuz closing convinced many governments to think much more seriously about energy security and independence.
I’m also grateful for the legacy you’ve given historians. You’ve been very generous in offering us many gems over the years – from telling the prime minister of Norway that you no longer felt compelled to think “purely of peace” after not winning the Nobel Peace Prize, to posting images of yourself as a…Imagine a Jedi, walking hand in hand with a penguin in what was supposed to be Greenland—where there are exactly zero native penguins. My favorite line, the one I’d use to start my book if I ever write about this period in history a few decades from now when things have calmed down, is this: “Pope Leo is WEAK on crime, and terrible for Foreign Policy,” you posted on Truth Social in April. That’s as good as anything I’ve read for any region or time period. It’s pure gold as a primary source. Thank you, Mr. President.
Peter Frankopan is a professor of global history at the University of Oxford.
Arwa Mahdawi
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Photograph: courtesy of Arwa Mahdawi
Judging by how popular Mar-a-Lago face is, it seems everyone around you is scared of getting old. But you should remind us that growing old is a privilege. There can’t be many 80-year-olds trying to survive in the ruins of Gaza, where life expectancy has dropped by half since October 2023. For men, it’s gone from 73.6 years to 35.6 years. Your government’s support for Israel’s genocide is to thank for that. Meanwhile, the Trump administration’s dismantling of USAID—once the world’s largest provider of humanitarian aid—has led to hundreds of thousands of deaths. An Oxfam analysis shows that globally, a child under five could die every 40 seconds by 2030 because of USAID cuts. On your 80th birthday, it looks like your legacy will be mass suffering and death.
Arwa Mahdawi is a Guardian columnist.
Jason Stanley
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Photograph: Edwin Tse
President Trump, happy birthday. You are one of the most impactful presidents in American history. Thanks to the Supreme Court justices you appointed, who will shape rulings for decades, you’ve closed the door on multiracial democracy and handed the country’s future over to America’s billionaires—including you and your family—securing their power forever. In true American style, you’ve used racism and xenophobia to rally working-class Americans behind your billionaire agenda. You’ve taken the worst Soviet propaganda about the United States and turned it into a proud statement of this America’s values and ideals.
The American people have elected you twice in free and fair elections. More than anyone else today, you represent America. Your face is on government buildings, and you’re rightly leaving a permanent mark on the nation’s capital. The next step is to put your face on Mount Rushmore, as a lasting reminder to the world of what America can be.
Jason Stanley is the Bissell-Heyd chair in American studies at the Munk School of Global Affairs and Public Policy at the University of Toronto and author of Erasing History: How Fascists Rewrite the Past to Control the Future.
Mick Lynch
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Photograph: Stefan Rousseau/PA
Dear Donald Potus on your birthday.
Your hair is thin,
Your skin’s gone crisp,
Now you’re 80,
Don’t be so hateful.
Mick Lynch is a trade unionist and former general secretary of the National Union of Rail, Maritime and Transport Workers.
Frequently Asked Questions
Here is a list of FAQs about the hypothetical scenario of birthday wishes for President Trump turning 80 featuring messages from Greta Thunberg Piers Morgan and others
General Questions
Q What is Let him eat cake in this context
A Its a play on the famous quote Let them eat cake by Marie Antoinette Here its used as a sarcastic or ironic birthday wish for President Trump suggesting his birthday celebration is out of touch with ordinary problems
Q Why is this a big deal for President Trump turning 80
A Turning 80 is a major milestone for any public figure In Trumps case it highlights his age as he remains a central political figure sparking debates about his health legacy and continued influence
Questions About the Specific WellWishers
Q Why would Greta Thunberg send a birthday wish to President Trump
A She likely wouldnt send a warm traditional wish Given her activism and past clashes with Trump over climate change her message would probably be pointedperhaps urging him to acknowledge climate science or highlighting generational differences in priorities
Q What kind of message would Piers Morgan send
A Morgan a former friendturnedcritic of Trump would probably send a blunt headlinegrabbing wish It might mix sarcasm with a backhanded compliment about his resilience
Q Who are others in this scenario
A Others could include figures like Elon Musk political rivals or media personalities Their messages would likely reflect their current relationship with Trumpranging from polite to passiveaggressive
Practical Deeper Questions
Q Is this a real event or a hypothetical
A Its a hypothetical scenario President Trump will turn 80 on June 14 2026 The idea imagines what public figures might say based on their history with him
Q Why use the phrase Let him eat cake for a birthday
