I’m a 50-year-old man who lost my inner ear after a long illness, leaving me with hearing in only one ear. I lost my job due to my disability, but hearing aids help while I wait for an implant. After feeling lost for years, I got back on track, got fit, and started an apprenticeship. Now that it’s ending, I’m scared about job hunting – competing with younger, healthier people makes me anxious. I often wake up panicking at night and feel like crying. I just want reassurance that things will be okay, but I don’t know who to ask. My biggest worry is burdening my wife and kids again. Since my illness and surgery prevent me from driving, I’m unsure what jobs I can even apply for.
My long illness cost me many friends who didn’t understand my situation, and this new challenge is bringing back that pain. Dealing with chronic illness and hearing loss is incredibly hard, but you’ve already shown remarkable strength by completing your apprenticeship.
I consulted emergency planning expert Prof Lucy Easthope and the RNID (a UK charity supporting deaf people and those with hearing loss or tinnitus – which affects 1 in 3 adults). Easthope, author of “Come What May: Life-Changing Lessons for Coping with Crisis,” first said: “Bloody well done. We rarely hear that when we need it most. Completing your apprenticeship took real courage.”
Are you talking to anyone about this? Your wife would probably welcome the chance to support you, or perhaps a friend or family member? Easthope noted you might be using pessimism as protection – which can be helpful if it doesn’t hold you back. She explained that some setbacks won’t reflect on your worth, and cautioned against unrealistic reinvention attempts after adversity. She suggested voicing your nighttime worries to better understand them.
Who’s supported you in the past? I’m sorry your friends didn’t understand – often it’s not malice, just ignorance. Things can improve gradually. Health crises disrupt our lives and self-image, and adjusting takes time. You seem hesitant to open up, but talking helps us heal. While no one can promise everything will be perfect, you’ll likely find moments of peace and happiness ahead. It’s okay to cry when you need to.
The RNID recommended seeking employers enrolled in the Disability Confident scheme and reminded that UK employers must provide reasonable adjustments under the Equality Act 2010.This includes people who are deaf or have hearing difficulties. The RNID provides more information, and Hearing Link Services offers peer support groups.
Easthope noted that you might think younger people without your challenges wouldn’t feel afraid—but they do. Starting fresh can be daunting for anyone. You’ve already done incredibly well. This may not have been your plan, but it’s where you are now. You’re not the same person you were at the start of this journey because you’ve discovered inner strength you didn’t know you had.
Every week, Annalisa Barbieri responds to a reader’s personal issue. If you’d like her advice, email your question to ask.annalisa@theguardian.com. Unfortunately, Annalisa can’t reply individually. Submissions follow our terms and conditions. You can listen to the latest episode of her podcast here.
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