I’m a man in my 60s. My wife and I enjoy a satisfying sex life where I can maintain an erection for about 45 minutes, with around 20 minutes of actual intercourse. The issue I’m facing is with my orgasms—they feel disappointing when they finally arrive. Even though it takes me a long time to reach climax, the orgasm itself happens very quickly and feels underwhelming, almost like premature ejaculation. This happens regardless of whether I’m controlling the pace or my wife is. How can I make my orgasms more fulfilling?
There are a few things to consider. First, some medications—both prescription and over-the-counter—can affect orgasms, so check if any medications you’re taking might be playing a role. If so, talk to your doctor about possible alternatives. Second, it might be worth having your hormone levels checked, particularly testosterone, since strong orgasms are partly driven by sex hormones. Low levels could contribute to what you’re experiencing.
Lastly, while it’s great that you take pride in your sexual stamina, try not to put too much pressure on yourself. Sometimes, letting go of expectations and focusing purely on pleasure can lead to more satisfying orgasms.
Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a psychotherapist specializing in sexual health. If you’d like advice on a sexual issue, email a brief description of your concern to private.lives@theguardian.com (no attachments, please). Each week, Pamela selects one question to answer, which will be published online. Unfortunately, she can’t respond personally. All submissions are subject to our terms and conditions. Comments on this article are moderated to stay on topic. There may be a slight delay before comments appear.
