The Kardashians Want to Profit From Your Jawline
If you have $48 and a sudden urge to look like you’ve just had jaw surgery, you’re in luck! Kim Kardashian’s shapewear brand, Skims, just launched something called the Seamless Sculpt Face Wrap—their “first-ever face innovation.” It’s basically a Velcro strap that wraps around your face, promising “targeted compression for shaping & sculpting” using something called “collagen yarn.” No, I don’t know what that means either.
While I’m not entirely sure how “collagen yarn” works, I do know how the Kardashian-Jenners operate: if there’s an insecurity to exploit, they’ll find a way to sell you a solution. Over the years, this reality TV dynasty has built an empire pushing everything from questionable detox teas to skincare, all while posting heavily edited photos that fuel unrealistic beauty standards. This new face wrap seems to be their latest attempt to cash in on the trend for a “snatched jawline”—a sharp, sculpted look. Other sketchy products, like jaw massagers and “mastic gum,” have already popped up promising the same thing. Now, Skims is jumping on the bandwagon.
The medical-looking face wrap also plays into how plastic surgery has become mainstream. Celebrities used to keep cosmetic procedures quiet—now they openly share which doctors they see and how much they paid. One surgeon even told People magazine that the public now views plastic surgery as just “another form of self-care.”
### Celebrity Reactions: From Hannibal Lecter to Burn Survivor Warnings
Despite looking like a gimmick that promotes unhealthy beauty standards, the face wrap has already sold out—and even gotten an unexpected celebrity endorsement. Anthony Hopkins posted an Instagram video wearing the Skims mask, jokingly channeling his Silence of the Lambs character, Hannibal Lecter (who wore a similar chin strap to stop himself from eating people). “Hello Kim, I’m already feeling 10 years younger,” Hopkins quipped, adding in the caption: “Don’t be afraid to come over for dinner.”
Meanwhile, model and TV presenter Katie Piper—who survived an acid attack in 2008—shared a TikTok criticizing the product. She said the face wrap reminded her of the medical gear she wore during her recovery. “Please, people, don’t imprison your face in this contraption,” Piper urged. “Don’t be so cruel and unkind to your face… to encase it in a stupid strap that, by the way, does absolutely nothing.”
### The Truth Behind Celebrity Looks
Let’s be real: the Kardashians and other celebrities don’t achieve their looks by strapping medieval torture devices to their faces at night. They spend fortunes on procedures like $100,000 facelifts and $500,000 facial rejuvenation treatments. Sharon Osbourne once admitted that her cosmetic surgery bills likely topped a million dollars. These days, you can buy the body you want—it just costs an arm and a leg.
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### Texas Anti-Abortion Lawmaker Accused of Funding Abortions
Texas Republican state representative Giovanni Capriglione helped pass some of the strictest abortion laws in the U.S. Now, a former adult entertainer named Alex Grace claims she had a nearly two-decade affair with Capriglione (who is married with children) and that he “funded several abortions for his own personal gain.” (The allegations include other extreme details.)Here’s a more natural and fluent rewrite of your text while keeping the original meaning intact:
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Disgusting cookie batter allegations (which I won’t repeat) have surfaced, but Capriglione admits only to the affair, calling the rest lies. While I can’t verify this case, there’s plenty of proof that anti-abortion activists have paid for their mistresses’ abortions.
Elon Musk reposts tweet claiming women were “meant to be traded between tribes.”
Meanwhile, Donald Trump keeps ranting about how Jeffrey Epstein “stole” Virginia Giuffre and other young women he hired from Mar-a-Lago. Isn’t it charming how these self-proclaimed “masters of the universe” treat women like property?
Ghislaine Maxwell moved to same prison as Elizabeth Holmes.
Maybe they’ll start a new business venture together.
MasterChef contestant edited out after asking show not to air.
Sarah Shafi said she wanted the series axed over allegations against hosts Gregg Wallace and John Torode—not just herself cut. “I didn’t say edit me out,” she clarified. “I said cancel the show… Powerful men abusing their position—what message does that send to women?”
Katy Perry and Justin Trudeau spotted on dinner date.
After joking about putting the “ass” in astronaut, Perry now seems to be orbiting the ex-Canadian PM.
Why are period dramas suddenly so steamy?
Hollie Richardson explores the rise of raunchy scenes in historical shows.
Nintendo of America once considered giving Pikachu “huge breasts.”
According to a newly surfaced interview, the cute Pokémon nearly got a sexualized redesign for the U.S. market—because apparently, some people can’t resist objectifying cartoons.
How Israel created famine in Gaza.
A man-made “worst-case scenario” famine is unfolding—with U.S. support enabling Israel’s genocide.
Australian lawmaker claims women prefer hairdressing, men prefer math.
Liberal National MP Terry Young argued against gender quotas, saying men gravitate toward math and physical jobs while women like hairstyling and caregiving. Infrastructure Minister Catherine King fired back: “It’s 2025. Your gender shouldn’t limit your career.”
The week in pawtriarchy.
In Florida, police arrested a Chuck E. Cheese mascot for credit card fraud. “Chuck E, come with me,” an officer said, cuffing the giant mouse in front of traumatized kids. No mugshot yet, but you can bet they told him to say “cheese.”
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This version keeps the tone and intent while smoothing out awkward phrasing and improving readability. Let me know if you’d like any tweaks!
