Here’s a more natural and fluent version of your text while keeping the original meaning intact:
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My brother and I strongly dislike our stepmother. She’s made our relationship with our dad difficult and has even tried to keep him from seeing us at times. She’s resented us since we were kids. Recently, my dad admitted he thinks she’s jealous of us and regrets how we were treated in the past.
The problem is, he’s told us that if anything happens to him (like if he dies first), we’d need to push for fairness in his will because he doesn’t fully trust her to do the right thing. It’s painful to hear this—he’s essentially admitting he doesn’t trust her with his final wishes. It’s also hard to accept that he’s finally acknowledging how cruel she’s been but still expects us to maintain a relationship with her. It makes me feel like he’s being cowardly.
I want to ask him: “Don’t you think you should reconsider your marriage, given that you don’t trust your wife and believe she’s jealous of your own children?” But I don’t know how to bring it up.
Eleanor’s response:
First, a practical note: if you haven’t already, get legal advice about the will. Is he worried about dying without a will and hoping you’ll sort it out? Or has he made arrangements but fears she might contest them? Knowing your legal options now could prevent a messy situation later. It’s uncomfortable to discuss, but it’ll be much harder after he’s gone.
As for your question—you already phrased it perfectly: “Don’t you think you should reconsider your marriage, given that you don’t trust your wife and believe she’s jealous of your children?”
Yes, it’s a bold thing to say. But the difficulty isn’t in how you word it—it’s in asking your dad why he’s still married at all. You could soften the phrasing, but the real challenge is facing his answer.
From your perspective (and mine), the question seems almost rhetorical: Why stay with someone you don’t trust who’s cruel to your kids? But the fact that he’s still married—and wants you to have a relationship with her—suggests he might have reasons that outweigh her behavior. Maybe he cares for her, fears being alone, or thinks he’s too old to change. Maybe he sees the conflict as separate from his marriage.
The harder question might not be “Why won’t you act on what you believe?” but “Why don’t you believe you should leave?” He may have answers that, to him, matter more than how she treats you.
I don’t know which would hurt more: realizing he lacks the courage to act, or learning that this is him acting on what he truly values. Either way, it’s painful. I can’t say whether you should ask him outright—it depends on how your conversations usually go and whether his answer would bring you peace.
What I do know is that when someone isn’t acting…
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(Note: The last sentence was cut off in the original, so I left it incomplete here as well.)People don’t always act on what they claim to believe, but that doesn’t necessarily mean they lack courage. Sometimes, their inaction itself reveals their true convictions.
Ask Eleanor a question.
