Audrey’s Side:
My boyfriend Noah doesn’t wash himself thoroughly—he just rubs a little shower gel over his body and calls it done. I’m Nigerian, and growing up, we were taught to scrub our bodies completely to be truly clean. My sisters and I used exfoliating net sponges and proper soap. Shower gel wasn’t even allowed in our house.
Noah has a much more relaxed approach to hygiene. He doesn’t use soap, just pats on some shower gel. We’ve been together for three years, but I really noticed it nine months ago after we moved in together.
Things came to a head recently when Noah had lunch at my cousin Femi’s house. Noah, who is Scottish, asked why there was a bucket in the bathroom. Femi explained that many Nigerians take bucket baths—pouring water over yourself to wash—which is a really thorough way to get clean. Noah was fascinated. I joked about how he doesn’t wash properly, and I think he felt embarrassed, but it felt like the right time to mention it.
Noah isn’t dirty, but he doesn’t wash adequately. There’s no scrubbing, no cleaning hard-to-reach areas—just rubbing on gel and hoping for the best. He doesn’t even bend down to wash his feet, saying, “The water will find its way there.” I find that odd.
Not exfoliating isn’t great for his skin either. I bought him a net sponge, but he hasn’t used it. Sometimes I’ve watched him shower and been shocked by his method; other times I let it go because it feels strange to criticize how your partner washes.
Noah always smells nice, but I think he could be more thorough. He jokes about how long I take in the bathroom, but Black hair needs care, and I enjoy showering. We have different needs, but I’d love for him to try some of my tips.
Noah’s Side:
Audrey did grow up with a different approach to washing, and I’ve definitely learned more about exfoliation in the last three years with her than in my first 30 years of life. I appreciate her advice, but I don’t think I should have to change if there isn’t a real issue.
As Audrey said, I smell nice, so I’m not unclean. Different doesn’t mean wrong. Just because I don’t treat showering like a military operation doesn’t mean I’m not clean.
I shower daily and use shower gel, but for some reason Audrey doesn’t think that’s enough. Her standards are different—she can spend an hour or more in the shower, especially when doing her hair routine. I support her, but I’m a shaved-head, quick-shower guy. I don’t need a full purification ritual every time I come back from the gym.
This isn’t about hygiene—it’s about technique. And technique is personal, cultural, and varies a lot.
The bucket bath was interesting, and I was genuinely curious about it, but Audrey used the moment to make an example of how I wash in front of her family. I laughed it off then, but now I see she actually has a problem with my shower habits. She can critique me, but maybe it’s better done in private.
Besides, I do wash my feet—I just don’t bend over to scrub between my toes. And yes, I let water run down my legs like most people do. The idea that “water will find its way” isn’t…It’s simple physics. When you shower, water and soap run down your body. I don’t need to scrub my feet separately. This isn’t about hygiene—it’s about technique. And technique is personal, cultural, and varies widely. I’m open to learning her method, but I don’t want to feel like I’m causing chaos every time I step into the shower.
The Guardian readers’ jury: Should Noah give up his trickle-down washing theory?
Scrubbing isn’t always necessary, and being overly clean can contribute to issues like eczema, asthma, or autoimmune problems in children. Still, we should clean our feet properly. They’re one of the smelliest body parts and need thorough soaping and regular filing to prevent calluses or athlete’s foot. Some people’s gym shoes, flip-flops, and Crocs look and smell awful.
—Ana, 51
If Noah is clean and doesn’t smell, he’s fine. Maybe wash your feet once in a while, though. If Audrey is bothered, she could stop watching and help out with a loofah instead.
—Alistair, 42
If Noah showers daily and looks and smells clean, then he is clean. It’s not like he’s coming home from a coal shift and going straight to bed. How would Audrey feel if he rushed her in the shower or joked about her hair routine in front of his family?
—Adam, 55
Personal hygiene is important, but it’s also private. Audrey’s demands are extreme and invasive. Also, publicly sharing Noah’s habits is a breach of trust.
—David, 73
Cultural differences aside, exfoliating daily isn’t necessary and can harm your skin barrier. As long as Noah keeps his genitals clean, doesn’t smell, and has no skin issues, his hygiene seems perfectly adequate.
—Friederike, 60
Now you be the judge
In our online poll, tell us: Does Noah’s argument hold water?
Poll closes Wednesday, January 7 at 9 a.m. GMT.
Last week’s results
We asked if Peter should be less obsessed with saving water.
61% said yes—Peter is guilty.
39% said no—Peter is not guilty.
Frequently Asked Questions
Of course Here is a list of FAQs about the issue with someones shower routine framed in a natural conversational tone
FAQs About Shower Routine Issues
Beginner General Questions
Q What do people even mean by a shower routine issue
A It usually means the persons showering habits are causing problemsfor their skin hair health the household or even their relationships Its not just about being clean but how theyre cleaning
Q What are the most common shower routine problems
A Common issues include showering too infrequently showering too often or with water thats too hot using the wrong products taking excessively long showers or leaving a huge mess behind
Q How can a shower routine affect your skin and hair
A A bad routine can strip your skin and scalp of natural oils causing dryness irritation dandruff or acne Using harsh products can make these problems worse
Q Whats the big deal with long hot showers
A While relaxing long hot showers can severely dry out your skin worsen conditions like eczema increase your water and energy bills significantly and inconvenience others if you share a bathroom or water heater
Q Can using the wrong soap or shampoo really be that bad
A Absolutely A shampoo thats too harsh can make your scalp overproduce oil A body wash with strong fragrances or sulfates can irritate sensitive skin causing itchiness or rashes
Advanced Specific Scenario Questions
Q My partners shower leaves the bathroom soakedwalls floor mat Whats likely happening
A This is often a technique issue They might be pointing the showerhead directly out of the shower not using the curtain properly or creating excessive splash by moving around vigorously It can also indicate very high water pressure
Q What does it mean if someone always has soap residue or a film left on their skinhair
A This usually means they arent rinsing thoroughly enough It can leave hair looking dull and feel sticky and it can clog pores on the skin It might also mean theyre using too much product
