What should be done about Britain’s poor performance in the Eurovision Song Contest? The obvious answer is: who cares? We’re told that millions across the UK are infuriated every year by our dismal results—we’ve only made the top ten once in the past 16 years—yet you never actually meet anyone who gives a damn, despite the BBC’s relentless efforts to convince us that Eurovision is the musical event of the year. In 2023, Radio 2’s coverage didn’t just include the final, but also a documentary, a Eurovision after-party show, both semi-finals, a show with Sophie Ellis-Bextor playing non-stop Eurovision winners, another with her playing songs from Eurovision celebrities, yet another with her playing Eurovision runners-up, and an all-request Eurovision party—though it’s unclear if that last one was flooded with pleas to make it stop.
It’s tempting to think that the group of people who don’t care much about Eurovision includes those choosing Britain’s entry. Our only recent success was Sam Ryder’s second-place finish in 2022, achieved by the novel strategy of giving our contestant a relatively memorable song—a well-crafted Elton/Bowie-style pastiche called “Space Man.” You’d think there was a lesson there, but no. Normal service resumed the following year. Try humming the chorus of Mae Muller’s vaguely Dua Lipa-esque “I Wrote a Song” (2023), Olly Alexander’s “Dizzy” (2024), or Remember Monday’s country-tinged “What The Hell Just Happened” (2025)—the latter two scoring zero in the public vote. You can’t, can you?
This year, we seem to be aiming for novelty. Our entrant is Look Mum No Computer, an Essex man who posts YouTube videos blending a genuine interest in old synthesizers with a dose of performative wackiness: he drives a 1929 Austin 7 and runs a museum in Ramsgate dedicated to vintage analog gear. In one video, he performs “The Teddy Bears’ Picnic” on a massive modular synth while wearing a furry onesie and pulling “look-at-me-I’m-a-bit-crazy” faces at the camera.
His song “Eins, Zwei, Drei”—a synth-pop track with vocals vaguely reminiscent of Damon Albarn on Blur’s “Girls & Boys”—doesn’t have much of a tune, though it features a persistent shouted hook and a lengthy coda where the rhythm unexpectedly shifts into a stomping glam-rock beat. Whoever selected it has clearly decided to bet on the whole “watch-out-everybody-I’m-a-bit-nutty” angle. Hence the video, which shows Look Mum No Computer absentmindedly dunking a digestive biscuit into a mug of baked beans and pretending to drive an old Mini with a keyboard and fire extinguisher strapped to its roof. The lyrics, which the BBC called “strikingly witty,” rhyme “pepperoni” with “feeling okey-dokey” and include the couplet: “Counting in English doesn’t cut the mustard / I’m so sick of munching roly-poly with custard.” Maybe, on the night of the final, Europe will echo with the sound of ambulances rushing to treat viewers who’ve split their sides laughing—but somehow, you doubt it.
Certainly, Look Mum No Computer himself has sounded distinctly fatalistic: “There’s a lot of stuff going on with the voting, a lot of favouritism and stuff,” he said when announced as Britain’s entry last month, “and maybe the UK isn’t everyone’s favourite when it comes to Eurovision.” Those sound suspiciously like the words of a man who knows he doesn’t stand a chance.
Frequently Asked Questions
Of course Here is a list of FAQs about the UKs new Eurovision entry written in a natural conversational tone
FAQs About the UKs 2024 Eurovision Entry
Beginner General Questions
Q Who is representing the UK at Eurovision this year
A The UK is being represented by the artist Olly Alexander with the song Dizzy
Q Whats the deal with the pepperoni and okeydokey lyric I keep hearing about it
A Thats from a different promotional song Olly released called Its A Sin Its a fun campy track where he rhymes pepperoni with feeling okeydokey Its not the actual Eurovision entry but it got a lot of attention for its quirky playful style
Q So what is the actual Eurovision song like
A The official entry Dizzy is a synthpop dance track about the intense spinning feeling of being in love Its more atmospheric and dramatic than the pepperoni song
Q Why is everyone calling the UKs entry quirky
A Between the playful pepperoni remix and Ollys knownfortheatrical style the overall presentation is seen as bold fun and embracing Eurovisions campy spirita shift from some recent more serious UK entries
Advanced Fan Questions
Q Is the pepperoni song a strategic move Whats the benefit of releasing it
A Absolutely Its a brilliant piece of precontest hype It generates massive online buzz makes the entry memorable and showcases Ollys personality and willingness to have funwhich can attract casual viewers and fans who love Eurovisions quirky side
Q What are the common criticisms or problems with this kind of approach
