Something strange happened at the football last Saturday, and not in a good way. My team, West Brom, were dominating Derby County but just couldn’t score. Normally, as the second half wore on, I’d have given in to pessimism—expecting that despite all our control, we wouldn’t find the net, Derby somehow would, and I’d go home miserable. But this time, I really thought we had it in the bag. Until this thing happened.
Play suddenly stopped for reasons that weren’t clear at first. A few players were staring at something on the pitch. They edged closer, cautiously and a bit squeamishly. It was bizarre. Since you don’t get opera glasses on the backs of seats at football grounds, we couldn’t make out what it was. Eventually, a member of the ground staff came out wearing rubber gloves. He walked to the middle of the pitch, picked the object up, and carried it off—it was half a pigeon. Dead, obviously.
Yes, half a dead pigeon had fallen from the sky onto the pitch. My first thought wasn’t for the pigeon’s welfare, or even where it had come from. All I could think was that the game was lost. There isn’t a football team in the world that could survive such an obvious bad omen. Half a dead animal dropping out of the sky? Good grief, I’ve seen some awful things supporting West Brom, but nothing like this. I’ve never watched Game of Thrones, but I imagine this is the sort of thing that happens there all the time.
I asked a club official what had happened. Turns out we’ve had a peregrine falcon nesting high up in the West Stand for a while. I was told it often eats pigeons and drops the leftovers on the pitch—just never on a match day before. My mind raced with dark possibilities. Couldn’t we train it to drop its dinner on opposition strikers as they charge toward our goal? Or, in a real emergency, maybe give the players a little peck? It’s the least the bird could do after Saturday’s disaster.
Oh, and I should mention—the half-pigeon of doom made sure Derby won, scoring with their only shot on target. And I went home miserable. Adrian Chiles is a Guardian columnist.
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Frequently Asked Questions
BeginnerLevel Questions
Q1 What kind of awful things typically happen at football matches
A This can range from fan violence and racist abuse to serious onpitch injuries mass crowd crushes or stadium disasters
Q2 What does on the pitch refer to
A On the pitch means the actual field of play where the football match is happening as opposed to events in the stands or outside the stadium
Q3 Why would someone say an event was the worst theyve ever seen
A It means the incident was exceptionally severe shocking or traumatic compared to anything else they have personally experienced in a football context
Q4 Where can I find a reliable report on what actually happened
A Reputable news outlets and official statements from the football clubs or leagues involved are the most reliable sources
Advanced Detailed Questions
Q5 Could this be related to referee abuse or a dangerous tackle
A Possibly While fan incidents are common a worst ever onpitch event could be an extreme case of player violence a horrific injury from a dangerous challenge or unprecedented mass confrontation with officials
Q6 What is the protocol for a match after a major onpitch incident
A The referee can suspend the match temporarily or abandon it completely An investigation is then launched by the governing body to determine causes and assign responsibility or sanctions
Q7 How do such incidents impact the players and officials involved
A They can cause significant physical injury and longterm psychological trauma including anxiety stress and fear of returning to play They often lead to calls for better protection and harsher punishments
Q8 What longterm consequences can result from a severe onpitch event
A Consequences can include lengthy player bans fines for clubs points deductions matches being played behind closed doors and changes to league rules regarding safety and conduct
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