John, 51
I still have many sexual desires I want to explore, and I want to do it now while I still have the chance. Group sex has been a long-time fantasy of mine. When I was 19, I dated an older woman and we talked about being with other people, but it never happened. Then I met my wife, and while we had a loving marriage, we didn’t have sex often or feel the need to experiment. After she was diagnosed with cancer, we stopped having sex entirely.
Since my wife passed away, I’ve rediscovered my sexuality. I’ve come to understand that my fantasies are within reach, not just something I watch in porn. Meeting Sophie opened my eyes to a sexual revolution I’d been missing out on.
Early in our relationship, Sophie would wake me up for sex in the middle of the night, and we’d share our fantasies with each other. She told me about her past group sex experiences, and we even planned to meet a couple from a dating app, but Sophie got nervous and backed out. Now that we’re past the honeymoon phase, she’s changed her mind about exploring group sex with me.
My urgency comes partly from facing mortality. Losing someone close makes you realize how short life is. I’m on a sexual journey and want Sophie to join me, but I feel frustrated that she’s now hesitant. Seeing threesomes on TV or hearing about ancient Roman practices triggers anxiety in me, and I pull away. I start feeling insecure, wondering why she was willing with her ex but not with me. Does she find me less attractive? Did she want to please him more? Am I not enough?
I regret missed opportunities and worry about what I might never experience. There’s still so much I want to do.
Sophie and I connect well mentally, spiritually, and physically—except on this one issue. I don’t want to be eaten up by jealousy and regret, and I don’t want to lose her, but this could ultimately break us up. For our relationship to work, I need Sophie to be more understanding of my anxieties so I can come to terms with her past.
Sophie, 50
If we have sex with other people, I’m afraid I’ll regret it. We have a wonderful relationship, and I don’t want to spoil it. People often say I’m a sexual person, and it’s true—I love sex and get a lot of pleasure from it, but it’s not the first thing on my mind when I wake up. As a single mom with three teenage daughters, a cat, a dog, and a job, I’m more concerned about what to cook for dinner and how to pay the bills this month.
Before John, sex was tied to my need to feel wanted and loved. When I was…During my marriage, sex was almost nonexistent. My ex-husband showed no interest in me and was addicted to pornography. We didn’t even have sex on our wedding night. After my divorce ten years ago, I explored an adventurous sex life. During lockdown, I participated in group sex with my ex when online sex parties turned into real-life encounters. But I only did it because he wanted me to; he was controlling, and I was under his influence. I don’t regret it, but looking back, I see it was all wrong and not something I need to repeat. Group sex isn’t even that great. What John and I share is better and more meaningful.
When I told John about my past experiences, I think he assumed, “This is amazing—we’re sexually compatible, and I can fulfill my fantasies with her.” Initially, I fell back into my habit of pleasing others, but then I realized this relationship is different. I don’t have to do anything I don’t want to. John has made me feel confident, comfortable, and secure enough to set those boundaries, which ironically means saying no.
I worry that if we have sex with other people, I’ll regret it. Our relationship is so lovely, and I don’t want to taint it. I’m not sure if John’s desire comes from a healthy place; it seems tied to grief, and I wonder if it’s just an immature fantasy he hasn’t acted on. Group sex isn’t all that great. What we have is better and more important. Children don’t get every toy they want for Christmas, and they learn to accept it. But men often seem to fixate on their fantasies.
Frequently Asked Questions
Of course Here is a list of FAQs about exploring group sex with a partner framed around the statement Im really eager to explore group sex and Id love for Sophie to be part of this experience with me
Getting Started Definitions
Q1 What exactly is group sex
A Group sex is a sexual activity involving more than two people It can include swinging threesomes orgies or partner swapping
Q2 Im new to this Where do I even begin
A Start with an open and honest conversation with your partner Discuss your fantasies boundaries and concerns long before you involve anyone else
Q3 Whats the difference between a threesome and an orgy
A A threesome involves three people An orgy typically involves a larger group of four or more people
Talking to Your Partner
Q4 How do I bring this up with my partner Sophie without making her feel pressured or uncomfortable
A Choose a relaxed private time Use I statements like I have a fantasy Id like to share and reassure her that her feelings are the top priority
Q5 What if my partner isnt interested
A Respect their decision completely Pressuring them will damage your relationship You can ask to understand their concerns but the answer might be no
Q6 What are some signs that we might be ready to try this as a couple
A You have excellent communication deep trust rocksolid boundaries and the ability to handle jealousy in a healthy way
Planning Practicalities
Q7 How do we find a third person or another couple
A You can use reputable dating apps or websites designed for this purpose or connect with people in dedicated social communities Always be upfront about your intentions
Q8 What are boundaries and rules in this context
A Boundaries are your personal limits Rules are the agreements you make as a couple They are crucial for safety and comfort
Q9 What are some common rules couples set
