This year marks a decade since the term “ghosting” entered the mainstream. Back then, the idea that someone could suddenly cut off all communication with a romantic partner without explanation felt like the ultimate insult. How naive we were. In the ten years since, finding a partner has only become more confusing—a frequently humiliating and often fruitless process increasingly defined by social media jargon.
Gen Z, a generation shaped by a loneliness epidemic, a crisis in masculinity, and widespread attacks on the rights of women and the LGBTQ+ community, navigates a far more chaotic dating world than their millennial predecessors could have imagined. Consequently, their dating vocabulary has grown longer and more bewildering, with terms like “Shrekking” and “monkey branching” pushing the limits of sanity.
What follows is a comprehensive guide to the terms Gen Z uses to talk about romance, sex, and the pursuit of both. To paraphrase one of the year’s most popular memes, by the end of this glossary, you’ll long to return to a simpler time—because wherever that is, it certainly doesn’t include “wokefishing.”
A
Authenticity – According to Gen Z, the gold standard in dating is presenting your true, unfiltered self. Good luck with that!
B
Bird theory – A TikTok trend loosely based on a test by couples researchers Julie and John Gottman. It involves mentioning something trivial, like “I saw a bird today,” and noting whether your partner responds with curiosity or dismissal. If they show no interest in hearing more about the bird, your relationship is doomed.
Black cat girlfriend – Gen Z’s answer to the early 2000s “manic pixie dream girl” archetype. Instead of having baby bangs, liking The Smiths, and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend prioritizes herself while radiating mystery and independence. (She might still have baby bangs.)
C
Chair theory – This means choosing someone who supports you without being asked. If you walked into a room, they would instinctively pull up a chair for you.
Choremance – A date where two people bond while running errands, like walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how broke twenty-somethings manage affordable dating in a world where “$5 beer and shot combos” are a thing of the past.
Crashing out – Having an emotional meltdown when overwhelmed by life. You might crash out over a crush or a breakup, pouring out all your (unrequited) feelings.
D
Dink – Dual income, no kids. Once a symbol of 80s yuppie excess, it now describes couples who forgo parenthood to prioritize their own happiness—or simply because they can’t afford to become parents.
E
Emotional vibe coding – The opposite of playing it cool: practicing communication, honesty, and openness.
F
Flags
Red flags – Behavioral quirks that signal a potential partner is bad news. Examples include calling all their exes crazy, poor tipping habits, a love for Woody Allen films, or a budding DJ career.
Green flags – Quirks that validate your decision to pursue someone. Examples include checking to make sure you got home safely after a date, low screen time, or owning a bed frame.
Beige flags – These describe niche, mostly harmless quirks. Examples include being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still carrying a pen in their purse, or paying rent in cash.
Freak matching – Finding someone who shares your obsession with WWII documentaries, DVD collecting, collaging, or whatever your niche interest may be. Conversely, it can also mean finding someone who hates the same things or people you do (nothing builds intimacy faster than sharing a nemesis).
G
Geese – A band your Gen Z boyfriend likes.
Ghostlighting – When someone reappears in your life after a period of ghosting.
Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, eager to please, and loyal. This rare boyfriend is beloved by all his partner’s friends and serves as the foil to a black cat girlfriend.
Gooners – A mostly online subculture of men.Some people become so fixated on masturbation that they engage in marathon sessions, deliberately delaying orgasm to prolong the experience. (If you’re in a very stable frame of mind and curious to learn more, this Harper’s magazine feature is recommended reading.)
Heterofatalism refers to many women’s growing pessimism about heterosexual relationships. This likely won’t surprise anyone who read the previous entry.
A high-value woman is an ideal promoted by certain online male communities: a sexually attractive, consistently comforting, and domestically happy woman who appears to have no personal ambitions beyond pleasing her male partner. Perhaps this clarifies the “heterofatalism” concept a bit more?
Golden retriever boyfriends and ick lists: gen Z’s dating rules are making them ‘constantly disappointed’
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Icks are random, often trivial turnoffs that instantly kill any feelings of attraction.
“If he wanted to, he would” is a phrase to recall after witnessing someone else receive an incredibly romantic gesture.
Jobs haven’t been this significant in dating since the “greed is good” era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ultimate catch—a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded provider (there’s a popular TikTok song about this). Meanwhile, the anti-capitalist crowd prefers partners in fields they view as more emotionally available, like healthcare, teaching, or therapy.
Kissing has existed for 16 million years, scientists discovered this year. But its future might be limited, as some Gen Z individuals want fewer sex scenes in films, citing less personal sexual activity and finding onscreen intimacy unrealistic.
Kittenfishing is a milder form of catfishing. It’s not outright lying, but perhaps using older, more flattering photos on a dating profile or exaggerating your job’s importance. Also known as putting your best foot forward.
Loud looking means being very explicit about what you want on a dating app profile, such as seeking marriage material, hookups only, or ethical non-monogamy.
Microcheating occupies a gray area—it’s not full-blown cheating, but it’s not entirely innocent either. Examples include secretly texting someone without your partner’s knowledge or meeting an ex for coffee on the sly.
Misandrist describes someone who hates men. While men have long (and incorrectly) equated feminism with man-hating, young women on TikTok are increasingly embracing this label.
Monkey branching is a type of microcheating where you line up a new partner before ending your current relationship, making the breakup easier. It’s essentially a pre-arranged rebound.
No fap means abstaining from masturbation, whether for religious, political reasons, or because PornHub is now inaccessible in 23 U.S. states due to age verification laws.
The orange peel theory is another viral pop-psychology “test” to see if your partner is attentive to small gestures. Ask them to bring you an orange; if they peel it first, it supposedly shows they care. (Hopefully, they washed their hands!)
Orbiting happens when someone cuts off direct communication (like ghosting) but remains a phantom presence by monitoring your digital life—for example, suddenly liking an old Instagram post after years of silence, which can be retraumatizing.
Phubbing sounds scarier than it is: it means ignoring your companion to stare at your phone. Try to do less of this in 2026.
Polyamory is a consensual relationship style where people date multiple partners simultaneously. A connected group of polyamorous people is called a polycule. Typical Gen Z polyamorous behavior often involves constantly discussing polyamory—especially its perceived sophistication—while also experiencing notoriously messy breakups.
Polyphobic describes people, often formerly polyamorous themselves, who now want nothing to do with it.Here are some modern dating terms, including those related to polyamory.
Q
Question deficit – When you ask all the questions on a first date but your date doesn’t ask any back.
Quiet quitting – Mentally checking out of a relationship, hoping your partner will be the one to officially end it.
R
Relationship anarchy – A non-monogamous approach that values personal freedom and rejects hierarchies between partners, challenging traditional relationship norms.
Roommate syndrome – When moving in with a partner kills the romance, leaving you feeling like just roommates.
S
Shrekking – Dating someone you find less attractive, hoping they’ll be more loyal. (Spoiler: They might cheat more than you’d expect.)
Throning – Dating someone cool just to boost your own social status.
“Touch of the ‘tism” – A phrase used (often jokingly) by some men online to describe their ideal woman as having traits they associate with autism, like a passionate special interest or endearing social awkwardness.
Turbo dating – Deciding by the third date if a relationship is serious.
U
U-hauling – A term, popular with Gen Z, for moving very quickly into living together, originally associated with lesbian relationships.
Uncoupling – Another word for breaking up.
V
Virginity – Seen as less of a big deal by many young people, who are choosing to have sex on their own timelines, often later than previous generations.
W
Wildflowering – Dating without strict rules, taking things slow, and exploring freely—like a wildflower. It’s for people who don’t like labels.
Wokefishing – Presenting as more liberal or progressive on dating apps than you really are. (Think: partners who hide conservative views until months into a relationship.)
“Written by a woman” – Describes a male partner who seems straight out of a romance novel: thoughtful, loyal, and attentive in ways that center the “female gaze.”
X
X-ing people – Another term for swiping left on dating apps, which became more common this year due to app fatigue.
Y
Yap trapping – Being stuck on a date with someone who talks only about themselves.
Yearners – People who openly and proudly express their desires and emotions, no matter who’s watching.
Z
Zip coding – Setting a very narrow location radius on dating apps—like a New Yorker who won’t date outside their borough.
Frequently Asked Questions
Of course Here is a list of FAQs about How to talk about dating like Gen Z designed to sound like questions from a real person
Beginner Definition Questions
Q What does it even mean to talk about dating like Gen Z
A It means using the specific slang abbreviations and phrases that younger generations have created to describe modern dating relationships and hookup culture often through social media
Q Why should I learn these terms if Im not Gen Z
A It helps you understand modern conversations dating app profiles memes and pop culture Its useful for parents managers or anyone who wants to communicate clearly with younger people
Q Is this just internet slang or do people actually say these things out loud
A A mix of both Many terms start online but are commonly used in casual spoken conversation among friends
Q Whats the most basic term I should know
A Situationship an undefined romantic relationship thats more than friends but not an official committed partnership
Terminology Definitions
Q Whats the difference between rizz and flirting
A Rizz is your overall ability to attract someone your game Flirting is the specific act or conversation You use your rizz to flirt
Q What does ick mean
A A sudden feeling of disgust or loss of attraction toward someone because of something they said or did Example He used a baby voice and gave me the ick
Q What is love bombing
A Overwhelming someone with excessive affection praise and gifts early on to gain control or manipulation often followed by a pullback
Q What does delulu mean in dating
A Short for delusional It describes someone who ignores obvious red flags or reality to believe a relationship is something its not Often used humorously
Q Whats breadcrumbing
A Sending sporadic noncommittal messages to string someone along and keep their interest without any intention of a real relationship
