How do I like my men? Of course, we shouldn’t reduce an entire gender to stereotypes, as if they were boxed-up Barbies. But in an era of “tradwives” and new-generation gold diggers, where the manosphere is still thriving and feeding teenage boys false ideas about women, we’re a long way from achieving equality in reductive objectification. Does that make it okay? No. Am I going to do it anyway? Yes, a little.
So, to answer the question: I like my men like my coffee—small, strong, dark, and way too stimulating, ideally brewed by my sister’s boyfriend in Scarborough… Wait, that metaphor fell apart. Anyway, my ideal man is completely out of step with current trends, and my husband really needs to up his protein intake and maybe stop having so many opinions. According to the New York Times, a new dream man has arrived: he’s “beefy, placid, and… politically ambiguous.”
What do we know about this new neutral hunk? Besides the essential 1:1 neck-to-head ratio and tree-trunk thighs, he’s “sweetly naive, simple, almost oafish… unfazed by the complicated demands of modern masculinity, mostly because he doesn’t know or care they exist.” Grazia magazine agrees, celebrating what they call the “Woke Jock”: “As unapologetically blokey as he is gentle,” comfortable with vulnerability and fine with being out-earned.
Speaking of being out-earned, the original placid beefcake—and surely the reason this archetype earned NYT attention—is Taylor Swift’s partner, Travis Kelce. I generally refuse to acknowledge male celebrities under 50 (my small act of rebellion against the patriarchy), so I had to cram on all the Chrises, Kelces, and Hemsworths to understand this trend. After doing the bro-appropriate research, I like what I see with Kelce. Built like a giant wardrobe from Oak Furnitureland, seemingly humble despite excelling at whatever a “tight end” does in football, and adorably impressed when Swift uses big words, he seems genuinely comfortable in his own skin. Others in this category include Channing Tatum, praised for happily recounting how a video store employee schooled him on director Akira Kurosawa, and Jason Momoa, who has said, “I embrace the feminine side and feel okay being vulnerable.”
This is quite a shift. You might remember 2024’s “hot rat summer,” when slim, rodent-like men were in vogue, or our recent collective crush on the rumpled, thoughtful charm of “daddy” Pedro Pascal. And we’re still laughing at another 2025 archetype: the performative male. If you missed it, this much-satirized character carries a tote bag, ostentatiously reads David Foster Wallace, drinks hojicha, and calls himself a feminist—all, supposedly, just to impress women. He overthinks everything, crafting himself into what he thinks women want, purely (the theory goes) to get laid.
But apparently, women want something different now. They’re deciding that Swift is right, as usual: cartoonish muscles and the ability to bench-press a grizzly can actually make for a partner who wears his masculinity lightly, unthreatened by a successful, independent woman. Not having strong opinions means no mansplaining—just peace and quiet.
Emma Beddington is a Guardian columnist.
Frequently Asked Questions
Of course Here is a list of FAQs about the concept of the relaxed confident hunk as discussed by Emma Beddington
General Definition Questions
Q What is the new dream man or relaxed confident hunk
A Its a modern ideal of male attractiveness that values emotional maturity quiet confidence and a calm supportive presence over traditional hypermasculine alpha male traits
Q How is this different from the old dream man
A The old archetype was often about being the loudest most dominant or physically imposing person in the room The new one is about being secure kind and emotionally available without needing to prove anything
Q Who is Emma Beddington and why is she talking about this
A Emma Beddington is a columnist and feature writer for The Guardian She wrote an article observing and analyzing this shift in cultural ideals often through the lens of pop culture and celebrity
Benefits Appeal
Q Why is the relaxed confident hunk so appealing now
A In a stressful and often chaotic world a partner who is stable reassuring and doesnt create additional drama is incredibly attractive It represents a desire for peace and genuine connection
Q What are the key traits of this type of man
A Key traits include emotional intelligence selfassurance without arrogance a good listener supportive nature and a general sense of being comfortable in their own skin
Q Is this just about physical appearance
A No not primarily While the term hunk suggests physical attractiveness the core of the idea is about demeanor and character The appeal is in how he makes others feelsafe and valued
Examples Identification
Q Can you give me some celebrity examples of this type
A Absolutely Think of actors like Pedro Pascal Oscar Isaac or Keanu Reeves They are often cited for their talent but also their reported kindness humility and lack of diva behavior
Q How can I spot this quality in someone Im dating
A Look for someone who is a good communicator isnt threatened by your success handles stress calmly and shows genuine interest in your life and wellbeing
