A stag or hen do should be a simple, fun night celebrating a friend’s next chapter. But thanks to movies like The Hangover and Bridesmaids, plus the general Americanisation of these parties, we’ve ended up with over-the-top, inconvenient, and often disappointing send-offs.
Somehow, they’ve turned into three-day marathons testing stamina and bank balances. Groomsmen go broke on “mandatory” Vegas weekends. People get hurt building human pyramids on Spanish beaches. Weddings are called off after bad decisions in strip clubs. To make it worse, a 2023 Aviva survey found the average person spends £779 on a UK stag or hen—rising to £1,208 abroad. The result? These events have become gruelling and, crucially, not even fun anymore.
First, let’s address the obvious: are stag and hen dos even necessary in this age of equality and frugality? Some say they’re outdated rituals based on tired gender stereotypes and should be scrapped. To that I say: boring. Now put on the pink cowboy hat, sip from that phallic straw, and embrace the tradition. I’ve created a five-step plan that keeps the spirit but modernises the approach for a genuinely enjoyable party. My experience? I’ve been a best man, organised a hen do, and officiated a wedding.
1. Keep it to one day/night. Everyone drinks too much on the first night (and why not?), so any plans for day two are ruined by hangovers. At best, everyone’s tired and headachy; at worst, they’re throwing up in go-kart helmets or paintball masks. Booking a multi-day bender that drains savings and precious holiday time is a definite no.
2. Forget dividing by sex. When I planned a stag do a few years ago, the groom almost didn’t invite his best friend of 25 years because she’s a woman. Madness. But what if it’s awkward? It’s no more awkward than inviting your future in-laws to dress up or down shots in a chain pub.
3. Include a non-alcoholic icebreaker. This caters to the growing number of non-drinkers. Also, when mixing friends from different parts of life—childhood, adulthood, family—an activity like axe-throwing, a murder mystery, or a spa session gives everyone some common ground before a night out.
4. Cheeky fun is essential. It’s tradition. It doesn’t have to involve stripping, but a bit of playful rudeness sets a stag or hen apart from any other night out. If you can’t laugh at Magic Mike Live or a slightly naughty cake, you might have confused it with a corporate retreat.
5. Prioritise real friends. Have the nearly-wed choose a close group to set the date first. Only add others afterwards. I was once added to a 20-person stag group chat where the chosen date suited people the groom hadn’t seen since school, but not his closest friends. Great for Matt from Year 9 Duke of Edinburgh, bad for the people you actually want there.
In short, the perfect stag or hen doesn’t need to be a logistical nightmare followed by months of chasing someone for their share of the airfare. It should be about celebrating with your favourite people—without the stress, debt, or hangover from hell.Plan a thoughtful evening with the people who mean the most to the bride or groom. If the best man or woman can make that happen, you won’t just be celebrating your friend’s upcoming marriage—you’ll be giving them one last truly memorable night out before the wedding planning stresses set in. And you can be sure your friendship will last long after the speeches are done.
Liam Pape is a writer and live comedy producer.
Frequently Asked Questions
FAQs BachelorBachelorette Parties Should Be Fun Not Financially Draining
Beginner Definition Questions
1 What do you mean by financially draining marathons of exhaustion
I mean parties that have become multiday destination events with a packed expensive itinerary They often leave the wedding party and guests stressed broke and tired before the main wedding even happens
2 Isnt a big lavish party the whole point of a bachelorbachelorette
Not necessarily The original point is to celebrate the bride or groom with close friends Celebration doesnt have to equal luxury or exhaustion its about meaningful fun and connection
3 Whats a good alternative to a destination weekend
A great local night out a themed party at someones home a day trip to a nearby city a cabin rental or a fun activity like bowling karaoke or a picnic in the park
Benefits Philosophy
4 What are the benefits of keeping it simple and affordable
Less Stress No one is anxious about costs or a grueling schedule
More Inclusive Friends with different budgets can actually participate
Better Vibes People are relaxed and genuinely present not recovering from debt or exhaustion
Focus on Celebration The focus stays on the person youre honoring not just checking expensive activities off a list
5 Wont it feel less special if we dont go all out
Special is about the experience not the price tag A thoughtfully planned personalized event with your closest friends is far more memorable than a generic expensive weekend where everyone is financially strained
Common Problems Scenarios
6 What if the bridegroom wants a big expensive trip
Open communication is key The wedding party can gently discuss budget realities and suggest a compromiseperhaps one splurge activity within a more reasonable framework The celebration should consider the groups collective comfort
7 How do I handle a friend who is pressuring everyone into an expensive plan
Speak up kindly but firmly You can say Im so excited to celebrate with you but that budget is outside my range Can we brainstorm some other awesome options Often others feel the same way but are afraid to say so
