Ed Gamble is already an award-winning comedian, a chart-topping podcast and radio host, and an author. Now he might have added another surprising achievement to his list: marriage savior.
Fellow stand-up comedian Rhys James recently appeared on Off Menu, the podcast Gamble co-hosts with James Acaster, where guests describe their ideal meal. For his starter, Rhys James chose buffalo wings and nachos from a former hotspot called Billy’s in Harpenden, Hertfordshire. He used to go there with his dad during the year his parents were separated. The fact that the split lasted only 12 months naturally sparked questions, and that’s when Gamble had his moment of inspiration.
“So they had a rumspringa,” he declared.
Rumspringa is a phase in Amish teenagers’ lives, usually around age 16, when they’re allowed to leave their community and “explore otherwise forbidden or strictly regulated behaviors” before deciding whether to return and commit to the church. With the UK’s divorce rate at around 42%, could it be time to introduce the idea of a Long-Term Relationship Rumspringa?
To be clear, this isn’t about open marriage. It’s a pre-agreed period where a couple lives apart and is “encouraged to explore otherwise forbidden or strictly regulated behaviors” before choosing whether to return and recommit to the relationship. Think of it as a grass-is-greener test—because you never really know until you try.
For instance, a recent post on Fesshole, where people anonymously share their darkest secrets, read: “I fantasize about my wife of 25 years dying. Time to myself. Drink what I want. Live the life. Do what I want. She went away for a week with her girlfriends. I was so bored and lonely it was unreal. I hope I die first.”
In an ideal world, after the Rumspringa, both partners would come home hoping they die first. They’d return with renewed enthusiasm and appreciation for each other and for marriage itself. Of course, there’s a risk it could backfire if the grass really is greener elsewhere, but isn’t it better to know for sure? After all, this isn’t a dress rehearsal.
The first rule of Relationship Rumspringa is that you have to earn it. Unsure about proposing and think this will help? Sorry, no. Newlyweds, wait your turn. Been together for ten years and think you’re ready? Dream on. This is for those who’ve served their time, put in the hours, and worked hard at love’s coalface. The average life sentence in the UK is 15 to 20 years, and the same should apply here. Anything less, and you’re not eligible. (Well, technically, you’re not getting out.)
How much you indulge in the Rumspringa—biblically speaking—is a personal decision. Some might feel it’s not cheating if there’s no cheating, while others might never get over it if there is. Being given permission to sleep around could be a wake-up call, especially for people in comfortable relationships for two decades, who may not be in peak physical shape and whose seduction skills are rusty. Good luck on the dating apps!
When the Rumspringa ends and it’s time to reunite, there should probably be a ritual. Each person writes down whether they want to stay married or break up for good, and they reveal their answers at the same time, like on the old gameshow Mr and Mrs (but with a question mark at the end). Otherwise, if you’ve had a wild Rumspringa and want to split, but the other person speaks first and wants to stay together, you might feel too guilty and end up remaining married.Out of politeness, right after you’ve had a painful glimpse of the new life you could have had.
If time apart rekindles that old spark and you gratefully reunite, then you should be allowed to renew your vows. For the record, no one else should be permitted to do so because vows don’t expire—or maybe they should? Ed Gamble is probably pondering that very question as we speak. Polly Hudson is a freelance writer.
Frequently Asked Questions
Of course Here is a list of FAQs about taking a year off from marriage to recharge with clear and direct answers
General Beginner Questions
1 What exactly is taking a year off from a marriage
Its a planned mutually agreedupon period where a couple lives separately and pauses their daily marital roles to focus on individual growth selfreflection and healing with the goal of reuniting stronger
2 Isnt this just a fancy term for separation
Its a specific type of separation The key difference is the intention a year off is a structured break with the shared goal of working on yourselves to save the marriage whereas a general separation can often be a step toward divorce
3 Why would a couple consider this
Common reasons include feeling burnt out stuck in negative cycles losing your individual identity within the marriage or dealing with unresolved resentment Its a reset button to gain perspective
4 What are the potential benefits of taking a break
Benefits can include reduced stress rediscovering your own interests and happiness gaining clarity on what you want from the marriage and breaking destructive communication patterns
5 What are the biggest risks
The main risks are that one or both partners may decide they prefer life apart the distance could create further emotional detachment or there might be a lack of clear rules leading to misunderstandings or infidelity
Practical Advanced Questions
6 How do we even start this conversation with our spouse
Choose a calm neutral time Use I statements like Ive been feeling overwhelmed and Im worried about us I was reading about couples taking structured breaks and I wonder if its something we could explore for our own health Focus on the goal of saving the relationship
7 What ground rules should we set before starting
This is crucial You must agree on the duration the level of contact financial responsibilities dating others and a plan for checkins with a therapist both individually and as a couple
8 Should we see other people during this time
This is one of the most important rules to set Many therapists advise against it as it complicates emotions and can derail the primary goal of working on the marriage If you
