Claire’s Perspective:
Before Xavier moved into my flat in a sunny European city, I had lived alone for three years. When we discussed him moving in, I made it clear that while we could live together, he needed to find a workspace outside the flat. I believe it’s important to maintain independence and avoid becoming too wrapped up in each other—especially since we’re both expats and should keep meeting new people.
I also value my mornings alone. Since I work remotely and don’t start until 1 PM, I prefer quiet time when I wake up. Having Xavier in the flat all day wasn’t an option for me—especially since my job involves constant calls, so it made sense for him to be the one to leave. It’s my flat, after all, and he was the one who suggested moving in.
We’re great as flatmates, but this was my condition. I like having separate spaces for work, sleep, and socializing, whereas Xavier is fine working at the kitchen table and then heading out. It took him a while to commit to a co-working space, and at first, he’d linger at home. One day, he took a call in the flat, which annoyed me—we had to talk it out, and he finally joined a co-working space afterward.
I prefer addressing issues immediately, while Xavier tends to avoid confrontation. Luckily, this is our only living-together disagreement. I don’t mind him working from home occasionally, but I’d rather he stick to the routine—coming back in the afternoon when I’m working, not during my morning alone time. Boundaries are important.
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Xavier’s Perspective:
About a month after moving into Claire’s flat, she told me I needed to work from a co-working space. We’ve only been dating a year, and she didn’t want us to be on top of each other. I hesitated because I’ve always worked from home—it’s where I’m most productive. I wake up, have coffee, and start working immediately. I like finishing early and having everything I need close by.
At first, I thought I could work from the flat until Claire needed the space, then occasionally go to a co-working spot. But after 10 days, she said it wasn’t working and wanted me out consistently. Now, I have to pack up, walk to a co-working space, and interact with people—all because Claire wants me gone. It disrupts my productivity.
Claire said she needs morning space—she’s not a morning talker, while I am. I didn’t realize I was bothering her, but she explained it was about having time apart. I wasn’t offended, but I didn’t like rushing into finding a co-working space. Eventually, I found a quieter, less social one that suits me better.
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You be the judge—send us your domestic disputes.The workspace was too social for me—people kept saying hello every few minutes, which affected my productivity. Claire is very direct, and I appreciate that she told me she wanted me out of the apartment. I’ve since found a quieter, more corporate co-working space that suits me better.
Working outside the home does make life more interesting because I come back with stories about my day. But sometimes I wish I had more freedom to stay in the apartment—after all, it’s my home too.
### Guardian Readers’ Opinions
Should Xavier let Claire have the space to herself?
Robbie, 35
Claire wants Xavier to live entirely on her terms, with no flexibility. Calling it “her flat” suggests she hasn’t fully embraced living together as a couple. Xavier’s request for more freedom at home seems fair.
Rose, 40
If working elsewhere was a condition of moving in, Xavier should honor that. But Claire should also remember it’s his home now—he should be allowed to stay there during the day sometimes. A little flexibility would help.
Naomi, 72
There’s an imbalance here—Claire is acting like her needs matter more just because it’s “her flat.” Xavier shouldn’t have to change completely. Compromise is key.
Silvia, 53
The pandemic showed us that being together 24/7 isn’t healthy, especially for a new couple. Claire could agree to let Xavier work from home occasionally, but I understand her need for morning quiet.
Matthew, 48
Xavier’s workspace isn’t far, so the argument that commuting drains his productivity doesn’t hold up. And honestly, having your partner start work at the kitchen table at 7 a.m. sounds unpleasant. Alone time is important.
### Now You Be the Judge
Should Xavier leave for work?
Vote in our online poll—closing Wednesday, August 13 at 9 a.m. BST.
Last Week’s Results
We asked if Wes should stop drinking from a water bladder during sex with his girlfriend:
– 89% said yes – Wes is guilty
– 11% said no – Wes is not guilty
