The prosecution: Charlie
“It breaks my immersion in the stories—like when someone says ‘This next bit is so good.'”
Julie can’t read without a pen in her hand. She writes all over every book: underlining, scribbling notes, crossing things out. When she explains it to people, she makes it sound fun. She says it’s because she’s an author—her first book comes out this year. She makes it sound like she’s adding valuable, writerly insights to the pages, but really it’s just random comments like “lol” written in the margins.
I’ve asked her to stop because it breaks my immersion in the stories. It’s like when someone says “This next bit is so good” while you’re watching a film. She doesn’t write spoilers, and some of her comments are interesting, but they still pull you out of the story. It also stops me from having my own connection with the author. Julie is a writer herself, so she should understand that. We read the same books, but I have to buy an extra copy because I can’t stand reading hers. In our small flat—and with the cost of living crisis—we have too many books and too little space. We can’t afford to keep buying new ones. She uses a pen for her notes, which makes it even harder to ignore. She should ask herself: “Is this a book Charlie wants to read?”
She accuses me of skim-reading… It hurts when she dismisses my feelings about this.
I’m in a book club, and I ask Julie for recommendations, but we can’t lend books to friends because of her annotations. Julie says I shouldn’t care since she buys her own books. She accuses me of skim-reading and says it shouldn’t bother me, but I’m a deep reader. It hurts when she dismisses how I feel about this.
We’ve been together for two years, and it’s always been an issue. She says she wants us to read more of the same books, but her annotations put me off.
Reading books covered in scribbles isn’t fun. It’s a bit like how kids shouldn’t put toys in their mouths if others want to play with them. However, I know I’ll have to keep reading Julie’s annotated books because she won’t change.
You be the judge—send us your domestic disputes.
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The defence: Julie
“He says what I write doesn’t make sense, but it does to me—I’m a writer, it’s part of my work.”
I get that it’s distracting if I underline or write a comment in a book, but I shouldn’t have to justify my actions if it’s a book I bought. My own book comes out later this year, and this is how I work. I don’t think Charlie and I have to share everything if it’s work-related. I don’t say to him: “Stop doing that thing for your job, so I can make more use of it.”
Charlie says what I write in the books doesn’t make sense, but it does to me. Annotating books is part of my work. When I’m struggling to write, reading a book really helps me. I’ll often circle or underline words like “and,” “but,” “she,” and “he.” When I write in the margins, sometimes it’s as brief as “lol”; other times it’s an insight, like “but what about the impact on her daughter?”
I can count on one hand the number of times our book choices might have overlapped.
I’m an avid reader, whereas Charlie isn’t. He’s in a book club with his friends but only reads for that. He skim-reads, and usually we read different books. He says I shouldn’t annotate my books in case he wants to read one, but I can count on one hand the number of times our book choices might have overlapped.
On holiday once, Charlie borrowed a book of mine and said: “This is quite a distracting thing you do.” But I don’t think annotating is unusual. I always see people writing in books on the train or on Instagram. Charlie says we need to buy two copies of each book, but I disagree. He could just borrow one from the library.
Recently, he asked to borrow a book. Before I lent it to him, I showed him the writing inside.He said it was fine and readable, so it’s clearly not a consistent problem. Charlie says we can’t lend annotated books to friends, but I’ve never given a book away, so that’s not an issue for me. I like to go back and re-read them, and since we live near my parents, we have space to keep all my books there. I shouldn’t have to change the way I read. I could write in pencil to please Charlie, but he said it wouldn’t make a difference to his reading experience.
Names have been changed
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The jury of Guardian readers
Julie’s habit might help her, but it’s stopping Charlie from enjoying the books. If she wants to annotate them, she could use sticky notes or page-marker tabs, which would also make it easy for her to find the sections she finds inspiring or interesting.
Iris, 28
I would never write in a book myself, but this is clearly important to Julie’s enjoyment of reading. Charlie wants to stop her annotating “just in case” he decides to read the book after her. If they plan to share a book in the future, he should read it first.
Tricia, 64
Books are sacred. It’s acceptable to mark up your own textbooks, but never okay to write on someone else’s prose – and certainly not if it’s little more than graffiti.
Andrew, 70
I was on Charlie’s side when he said they both read the same books, but Julie denied that. So she’s entitled to mess up her own books if she must. Personally, I’ve underlined things when researching, but otherwise I respect authors too much to deface their work.
Peter, 75
I can see how Julie’s notes might distract Charlie, but reading is a personal, private activity, and everyone interacts with books differently, especially someone like Julie, who is a writer herself. They’re lucky to have a library nearby – that sounds like a solution.
Victoria, 59
Now you be the judge
In our online poll, tell us who you will throw the book at.
The poll closes on Wednesday 19 August at 9am BST.
Last week’s results
We asked: should Declan put the brakes on his road rage?
93% of you said yes – Declan is guilty.
7% of you said no – Declan is not guilty.
Frequently Asked Questions
Here is a list of FAQs based on your question covering everything from the basics to deeper relationship advice
General Definition Questions
Q What is the big deal about writing in books
A For some people its a way to connect with the text For others it feels like damaging a precious object The big deal is usually about the difference between seeing a book as a tool versus an artifact
Q Is marginalia the same as writing notes in books
A Yes Marginalia is just the fancy word for the notes scribbles and highlights you make in the margins of a page Its a totally normal practice especially for students and writers
Q Are my girlfriends notes considered defacing a book
A It depends on who you ask A librarian or a collector might say yes A reader who loves to engage with the text would say notheyd call it personalizing it Its a matter of perspective not a universal rule
Q Is it weird that she writes in her own books
A Not at all Its a very common and healthy habit for many avid readers It means shes actively thinking about what shes reading Its only weird if shes doing it to your books without asking
Benefits The Why Behind It
Q Why does she even bother writing in the book Cant she just remember it
A Writing helps with memory and comprehension It forces the brain to process the information not just passively read it For her its a way to have a conversation with the author and remember her own thoughts at that moment in her life
Q What are the benefits of writing in books
A It improves focus helps you remember key plot points or ideas and lets you track your own intellectual growth When you reread the book you can see what you thought the first time which is a really cool experience
Q Is this a sign that shes a deeper reader than someone who doesnt write
