As a young man, shame was always there when I thought about my sexuality. It made me question myself: was I really attracted to men, or was I just looking for gratification? When I cautiously brought up queerness with past girlfriends, more than once they made it clear that bisexuality was unattractive in a man. The shame piled up, but my secret fantasies didn’t stop. It wasn’t just about men—it was about different power dynamics, multiple partners, and the desire to feel truly seen.
I think my father played a part in this. By the time I was a teenager, he had become a manipulative and sometimes violent alcoholic. I started linking addiction, anger, and excess with him. My own longing for sexual exploration felt like the beginning of the same kind of reckless male desires I’d seen ruin lives. So I bottled it all up.
That was a mistake. I felt isolated and wary of other men. Then, a few years ago at 23, I moved from my small English hometown to London. There, I met queer communities and saw that intimacy and love could take many forms. Still, the idea that something like that could be for me felt distant. Then I listened to George Michael’s Faith.
I only started paying attention to his music after he died in 2016, intrigued by stories of his quiet generosity. I knew little about him beyond “Careless Whisper” and a few Wham! songs, so I decided to listen to his debut solo album from start to finish.
It was an era-defining album for so many, but when I first heard it, I felt like it was written just for me. The first three tracks—”Faith,” “Father Figure,” “I Want Your Sex”—celebrate sex as a source of play, connection, and understanding, even in times of pain and confusion. I was captivated.
On “One More Try,” Michael sings, “’Cause, teacher, there are things that I don’t want to learn.” My mind flashed back to my early encounters with men—anonymous, brief, followed by guilt and a rush to escape my own sexuality. Listening, I regretted how shame had stolen the chance to learn from those experiences.
The often-overlooked “Look at Your Hands” hit me like a slap. In it, Michael warns against settling for repression and suburban dullness. “Betcha don’t, betcha don’t, betcha don’t like your life,” he taunts. Was I heading toward a future where I’d look back on my twenties as a wasteland of missed sexual opportunities?
By the time the album ended, it felt like waking from a bad dream. It helped me see clearly: I had nothing to be ashamed of, and my desires didn’t need to be suppressed.I started talking more openly with my girlfriend about wanting to explore sexually. She was accepting of who I am, and soon we were signing up for queer sex parties. At first, I felt nervous—would I be seen as an impostor? But almost immediately, I started chatting with other queer people who accepted me right away. It was incredibly liberating to be surrounded by like-minded people who had also overcome their shame.
Today, my sexuality is a big part of who I am. Sex is about self-acceptance, exploration, and connection. Though he’s no longer with us, I’ll always be grateful to George Michael for helping me free my sexuality from shame.
Did a cultural moment inspire a major life change for you? Email us at cultural.awakening@theguardian.com.
Frequently Asked Questions
Of course Here is a list of FAQs based on the topic framed in a natural and helpful tone
General Beginner Questions
Q What is a cultural awakening
A Its a moment or experience that profoundly changes your perspective opens your mind to new ideas and makes you feel more connected to a broader community or way of life
Q How can a song give someone confidence
A Music can be incredibly empowering A songs lyrics beat or attitude can resonate with you making you feel understood bold and less alone in your desires
Q What exactly is a sex party
A Its a social gathering where adults consensually explore sexuality which can range from open conversation and flirting to sexual activity all within a set of agreedupon rules
Deeper Advanced Questions
Q Why is Faith by George Michael often associated with sexual liberation
A The songs confident upbeat rhythm and lyrics about moving on from a past relationship to embrace new carefree experiences made it an anthem of independence and selfassured sexuality in the late 1980s
Q Isnt it risky to go to a party like that for the first time
A It can be if youre not careful The key is research clear communication of boundaries beforehand and only attending events known for their strong emphasis on consent safety and respect
Q What are the potential benefits of such an experience
A Beyond sexual exploration it can lead to greater selfacceptance reduced shame around sexuality a stronger sense of personal autonomy and a feeling of belonging within a likeminded community
Q What are some common anxieties people have before attending their first event
A Common fears include feeling judged not knowing what to expect anxiety about performance or appearance and concerns about safety and boundaries
Practical Tips HowTo
Q How do you even find a safe and reputable sex party
A They are often organized through private communities on specific websites or apps Wordofmouth from trusted friends in knowledgable communities is one of the safest ways Always look for events that screen guests and have explicit codes of conduct
Q Whats the most important rule for a firsttimer
