Ever since I learned about the deep-sea anglerfish—how the male fuses with the female—and saw how it echoes some unsettling patterns in human relationships, I’ve been turning over the idea that everything in our unconscious also exists in the ocean. From the calculated aggression of sharks, to dolphins grieving their dead, to jellyfish pulsing in a way that reminds me of labor contractions—the deep sea is the only place on Earth as rich, colorful, dark, and fascinating as the depths of the human mind.
In a recent session with my psychoanalyst, I realized my own problem: I’ve been swimming in shallow emotional waters. I’ve noticed this tendency in myself before, and maybe that’s why I recognize it in my patients—the unconscious pull to stay near the surface, to avoid diving deeper into our inner worlds and understanding the powerful desires and hungers that drive us. Instead, we distract ourselves from difficult feelings, scrolling through screens rather than looking inward. We settle for superficial connections, craving and offering a kind of emotional reassurance that keeps things light. We shop, watch, listen, squeeze, try on, return—we do, and do, and do—all to avoid the depths.
But we know that a better life lies beneath the surface, not on it. I recently read Tom Mustill’s brilliant book, How to Speak Whale, which tells the story of Antonie van Leeuwenhoek, the Dutch microbiologist who, in the mid-17th century, developed magnification technology comparable to modern microscopes. He revealed the astonishing life teeming in just a thimbleful of lake water. Mustill shares Leeuwenhoek’s wonderful observation: “No more pleasant sight has yet met my eye than this of so many thousands of living creatures in one small drop of water, all huddling and moving.”
It made me think again of the unconscious—the profound meaning hidden in a slip of the tongue, a fleeting dream image. A patient might seem perfectly comfortable in a session, but a barely noticeable glance toward the door can reveal they’re desperate to escape; their politeness masking painful emotions they didn’t even realize they were running from.
If I gently point out that glance, that hidden feeling, it gives them a chance to see what’s been keeping them stuck, running in circles. That moment can become a doorway—if they choose to walk through it—to a better life.
These unfelt, unconscious emotions—pain, rage, envy, hatred, love, guilt, shame—are like the powerful creatures of the deep sea. Both hold immense energy, capable of great force when brought into the light. Bringing these feelings into awareness is what it means to me to swim in deeper waters: to live more authentically, with greater weight and momentum, building a life that’s truly meaningful.
Mustill’s book also tells how, in the 20th century, whales were hunted, feared, and valued only for their parts, nearly driven to extinction by the 1960s. It was Dr. Roger Payne who helped save them by revealing their intrinsic worth through the beauty of their songs. His 1970 album, Songs of the Humpback Whale, went multi-platinum and became the soundtrack to the protest movement that led to the 1982 international ban on commercial whaling.Whaling Commission. It’s estimated that humans killed around 3 million whales in the 19th century, but today, many whale populations are “rebounding and expanding,” as Mustill notes. This challenges the idea that humans are inherently destructive—a belief that often leads to apathy. Instead, it shows that we can change and that nature can heal.
As a therapist, I witness this capacity for recovery in my practice every day, and I’ve experienced it myself as a patient. Our ability to destroy exists alongside our power to create, repair, and heal. When therapy works, it helps people acknowledge their true feelings, which can lead to new insights—often connecting past experiences to the present and revealing where things got stuck. This awareness can guide someone out of apathy and toward a renewed sense of life. We can break free, we can change, and we can improve things for ourselves, for nature, and for future generations. But like Leeuwenhoek with his microscope, we must look closely and deeply.
Moya Sarner is an NHS psychotherapist and the author of When I Grow Up – Conversations With Adults in Search of Adulthood.
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Frequently Asked Questions
Frequently Asked Questions
About Unlocking a Better Life Through Your Unconscious Mind
Beginner Questions
1 What is the unconscious mind
Your unconscious mind is the part of your brain that operates below your conscious awareness It stores memories emotions beliefs and habits that influence your thoughts and actions without you realizing it
2 How can exploring my unconscious mind improve my life
By understanding and working with your unconscious you can uncover hidden fears limiting beliefs and unresolved emotions This helps you make positive changes reduce stress improve relationships and achieve personal goals more effectively
3 Is exploring the unconscious mind safe
Yes when done thoughtfully Techniques like meditation journaling or working with a therapist can help you explore safely Avoid pushing yourself too hardgentle curiosity is key
4 Do I need special training to explore my unconscious
No special training is needed to start Simple practices like mindfulness dream analysis or reflective writing can help you begin For deeper work guidance from a therapist or coach can be helpful
5 Can everyone access their unconscious mind
Yes everyone has an unconscious mind and with practice most people can learn to connect with it It may take time and patience but its a natural part of being human
Intermediate Questions
6 What are some common methods to explore the unconscious mind
Common methods include
Dream journaling
Meditation and mindfulness
Free writing or journaling
Therapy
Creative expression
7 How long does it take to see benefits from this exploration
It varies Some people notice insights quickly while others may take weeks or months Consistency and patience are important
8 Can exploring my unconscious help with anxiety or depression
Yes it can help by uncovering root causes of these feelings However it should complement not replace professional treatment if needed
9 What if I discover something upsetting or difficult
Its normal to uncover challenging emotions or memories Take it slow and consider seeking support from a therapist or trusted person to process these discoveries healthily
10 Are there any risks involved
The main risk is becoming overwhelmed if you
