When Zack Rogow’s relationship ended, he joined an online dating site. At 66, Rogow approached his first date with a mix of grief over losing a love he thought would last a lifetime, and euphoria. “I was gaga—’Oh, I’m single again. I can meet people!'” As it turned out, one match led to another, and he tallied 75 first dates over 18 months.
Some dates were outdoor walks. Others happened in wine bars, cafes, or at the movies. He kept notes, writing down each woman’s career and family situation so he wouldn’t put his foot in it on a second date. It must have started to feel like a job.
“You could say that,” he says. “I knew I didn’t want to live alone. I knew I wanted a long-term relationship.”
Why didn’t he want to live alone? “I’m a person with a melancholy streak. And it’s accentuated when I’m by myself,” he says. “I enjoy the back-and-forth and the warmth of a daily relationship.”
Rogow, now 73, grew up in New York City. His father died in a plane crash when he was three, and he and his older sister were raised by their mother. “Nowadays, she would probably be described as bipolar,” he says. She killed herself when Rogow was 19.
In his family, creativity was valued “above all.” Like his father, Rogow is a writer—he works part-time writing and editing for a law firm, and is also a poet, memoirist, and translator. His new poetry collection, The Kama Sutra for Senior Citizens, draws on some of his experiences from his dating marathon.
“I was unfamiliar with how the etiquette of dating had changed—what do you talk about, what do you not talk about?” He and his ex-partner, with whom he shares a son, had met in a carpool, so Rogow hadn’t dated in decades.
His first foray went well—there was “a good volley of conversation”—but when they said goodnight, Rogow’s date gave him “a kind of scorecard and said, ‘Here’s what you did right, here’s what you did wrong… You really criticized your ex and I don’t think you should do that because all it does is present you as someone who has poor judgment.'” She was more experienced than him; they didn’t date again.
Two dates turned into brief affairs. The second ended when the woman asked, in exasperation, “Do you ever wear jeans?” The question stung. “I was wearing these old-man khakis. I realized: ‘I’m not really with it anymore,'” Rogow says. He wondered if he was still relationship material. “I was hurt, and yet I could see myself through her eyes. ‘Am I going to be cool enough for anybody I really want to be with?'” he wondered. He bought jeans.
“It’s a rollercoaster when you’re dating. Your hopes are very high and they can be dashed very quickly.”
Around the time of his 73rd first date, Rogow attended the launch of his translation of Isabelle Stibbe’s Bérénice 1934–44: An Actress in Occupied Paris. A friend of a friend whom he had never met showed up. She had read the novel in French and asked interesting questions.
That was in 2019, and they have been together ever since. Along with a shared love of literature, “we both love to travel and we’re physically very active.” He has three children; she has two, and is a grandparent—Rogow also recently became one.
The Kama Sutra for Senior Citizens emerged from this “safe, secure relationship.” But why that title?
“Some people might flinch at the idea of seniors having sex. But one of the things I wanted to explore is senior sexuality and how it’s different and pleasurable and a positive part of life.
“When I was young, I was fascinated by all these positions and the weird names they had, like the blue lotus and the peacock’s foot, which were very poetic. But as you get older, they become unattainable. What the title poem is really about is intimacy and re…”Rogow adds that he also hopes for “continued health and wellbeing together, so we can keep enjoying the things we love and grow closer to each other’s families.” The Kama Sutra for Senior Citizens … and Other Poems on Aging is published by Valley Press. We’d love to hear from you: has your life taken a new direction after turning 60?
Frequently Asked Questions
Of course Here is a list of FAQs about the topic Starting over at 60 I went on 75 first dates and wrote a book of poetry inspired by the Kama Sutra
General Motivational Questions
Q Why would someone start dating again at 60 Isnt that a lot
A Many people find themselves single later in life due to divorce widowhood or simply wanting a new chapter The desire for companionship intimacy and new experiences doesnt have an age limit
Q Whats the main message or takeaway from this story
A That reinvention and seeking joy are possible at any age Its about embracing life with curiosity humor and courage and expressing your experiences authentically
Q Isnt 75 first dates exhausting How did you stay motivated
A It was a deliberate sometimes tiring social experiment Staying motivated came from a commitment to the project itselftreating each date as a story and a step toward understanding modern dating and myself better
About the Dating Experience
Q Where did you meet 75 people to date
A Primarily through online dating apps and websites tailored for older adults along with some connections through social groups friends and community events
Q What was the biggest difference between dating now and dating in your 20s or 30s
A Less gameplaying and more directness about what people want Theres also more baggage but also more selfawareness
Q What was the most common issue or frustration you encountered
A Managing expectationsboth my own and others Also encountering people who hadnt done any personal work after their last relationship or who were overly focused on finding a caretaker
Q Did you find a lasting relationship from this
A The project was more about the journey of selfdiscovery and the creative output than about finding the one The experience itself was the valuable result
About the Poetry Kama Sutra Inspiration
Q How is your poetry inspired by the Kama Sutra Is it just erotic
A The Kama Sutra is an ancient Indian text about the art of livingincluding love pleasure and
