Scott, 42
I hesitated to meet Maria because I felt insecure about my appearance after being ill. But once we met, I just wanted to be with her all the time.
When I first messaged Maria with something like, “You seem interesting—sending love and light,” I didn’t expect anything to come of it. I’d been dealing with a long-term illness since my 20s, lost a lot of weight, and became pretty isolated. But I was starting to change; I decided to stop the medication I’d been on for years, hoping to regain my health and energy so I could break out of my shell.
I put off meeting Maria because I was self-conscious about how I looked after my illness. But when we finally met, I couldn’t get enough of her. I hadn’t had sex in 15 years and had almost forgotten what it felt like. With Maria, it was slow, sensual, full of kissing and touching—completely different from the sex I had in my 20s. It was the kind of intimacy I’d always wanted but never experienced.
Still, there was an imbalance. Maria is a working mom, and I wasn’t working at the time, which created some tension. She wanted to be with someone who could understand her life and support her, and she sometimes pushed me away. To be that person, I needed to get myself back on track physically and mentally so I could work again. Not long after meeting Maria, my health improved almost miraculously. Going off the medication helped me gain back 23kg, my strength returned, and I got a job, which made our relationship more equal.
It felt amazing to be intimate again after so long, and with someone as beautiful as Maria, whom I felt so strongly about. I wanted to have sex almost every time we saw each other. But as a working mom, Maria didn’t always have the energy for that, and she felt guilty about not being as present for her daughter as she wanted. Sex was off the table when her daughter was around, and Maria preferred a slower, Tantric approach—just breathing and touching, sometimes with clothes on—which didn’t feel like the best use of our limited time together. I got frustrated that my needs weren’t being met.
Maria suggested we take a three-month break. I used that time to focus on my career and personal growth, and since we got back together a month ago, our relationship has been stronger. Although I’d love to build a life together someday, I’m realizing that Maria’s need for us to have our own lives is healthy, especially while I’m still rebuilding mine.
Maria, 35
With my daughter’s father, I felt neglected, rejected, and invisible. But Scott makes me feel valued, appreciated, and sexy.
Around the time Scott messaged me, I was sharing a bedroom with my five-year-old daughter and hadn’t had sex in five years. After I suggested we move the conversation…We started messaging constantly on WhatsApp. I longed to be with him and felt like I missed his presence, even though we hadn’t met in person yet.
When we finally met three months later, I felt a disconnect between the person in front of me and the one I’d come to know over the phone. He seemed like a ghost in the world, and it frightened me—as a mother, I couldn’t afford to get involved with the wrong person. Online, he was wonderful company, but in reality, he struggled to walk and was clearly in pain. Everything felt much more real and complicated. Yet when I tried to pull back, he pushed forward.
The first time we had sex, it felt completely natural. Scott was everything I’d ever dreamed of: attentive, caring, open-minded, and curious. I’d had sexual relationships since I was 16, but none left me as satisfied as I am with Scott. In my relationship with my daughter’s father, I often felt neglected, rejected, and invisible. With Scott, I feel valued, appreciated, and sexy.
I wished we could spend hours in bed together, but I had to get up for work and make breakfast for my daughter. When she was at her dad’s, Scott and I would explore Tantra and kink. But when that kind of intimacy left me feeling drained, I began setting boundaries.
I suggested taking three months off from sex to re-energize. The break gave us the reset we needed. Now we’re both more present, and we communicate more before, during, and after being intimate. I’ve asked Scott to check in with me before initiating anything, so I can pause and consider whether it’s truly what I want. This mindful approach to consent makes me feel more connected to him. Instead of feeling drained after sex, I now feel nourished.
Frequently Asked Questions
Of course Here is a list of FAQs about taking a threemonth break from sex designed to be helpful and clear
General Beginner Questions
Q What exactly is a sex break or sex reset
A Its a preagreed period where a couple consciously decides to stop having sexual activity The goal isnt to avoid sex forever but to pause and reset the dynamics around intimacy
Q Why would a couple choose to do this
A Common reasons include feeling stuck in a routine mismatched libidos healing from a relationship rough patch reducing performance pressure or wanting to reconnect emotionally without physical expectations
Q Does this mean no physical contact at all
A Not necessarily The key is to redefine intimacy Many couples still hug cuddle hold hands and give nonsexual massages The break is specifically from sexual acts leading to orgasm
Q Wont this just create more distance between us
A It can if not handled well The purpose is to use the freedup energy and focus on other forms of connection like deep conversations shared hobbies and emotional support If you stop connecting entirely it will create distance
Benefits Outcomes
Q What are the main benefits of taking a break
A Benefits often include reduced pressure and anxiety around performance rediscovering nonsexual intimacy improved communication a renewed sense of desire and a deeper emotional connection
Q Can it really help if our sex drives are different
A Yes it can It removes the obligation for the partner with a lower drive allowing them to explore desire on their own terms For the partner with a higher drive it can help them appreciate other aspects of the relationship
Q How does it reduce pressure
A It takes sex completely off the table This eliminates the will wewont we anxiety the fear of rejection and the stress of performance allowing both partners to relax and be themselves
Practical Tips HowTo
Q How do we even start this conversation with our partner
