As a grumpy old woman in my prime of pedantry, I’ve already died on many hills, and I have the scars to show for it. I’ve sacrificed myself on the battlefield of pavement chicken, walking straight into people who stride down the middle staring at their phones, expecting everyone else to move. I’ve risked life and limb in a pub full of football fans by declaring that the only “real sports” are running fast, jumping high, and throwing or swimming far—everything else is just “games.” And I’ve driven myself to tears by repeatedly walking into the same Pret a Manger, ordering the same coffee, “and nothing else,” only to stand there blankly when I’m inevitably asked, “Anything else?” When it comes to defending arbitrary red lines, my belligerence knows no bounds.
Yet with Christmas approaching, I’ve been trembling at the thought of strapping on my armor to fight once more for what I truly believe: that meat and fruit should never be served on the same plate. And yes, you perverts, I do mean turkey and cranberry sauce—just stop putting jam on your Christmas dinner!
I know what you’ll say: “But surely you don’t mean pork with apple sauce?” You bet I do. Bacon is for a sandwich, and stewed apple goes in pie or for babies—they do not belong in the same bite. Oh, you’re thinking, but what about duck à l’orange? Put it down, you weirdo—you’re not even French. It’s a hard no to lamb and redcurrant, a massive boak at mango chutney on curry, and I sincerely hope no Guardian reader would dare whisper the obscene phrase “ham and pineapple pizza.”
Everyone I meet thinks they can find an exception to my rule. This week, colleagues have sidled up to me saying, “Coronation chicken?” Step away from me with your squishy raisins! Anything with figs? You’re so wrong. One sick person asked me to consider prosciutto and melon—except he misspelled it “lemon” at first, so for a minute I actually considered it. That would have been the thin end of the wedge.
Don’t get me wrong, I love meat—ideally with gravy—and then fruit, for pudding. I’ll adore you for offering me a crunchy green apple, a blackberry crumble, a banana for breakfast, or raspberries any which way. Just keep it away from my dinner. Lamb belongs with mint, ham with mustard, and turkey (if you must) with a bucket of coleslaw. A burger, on the other hand, should be served with plenty of ketchup. Because a tomato identifies as a vegetable and should be accommodated as such—and that is a hill I will die on.
Frequently Asked Questions
Of course Here is a list of FAQs about Katy Guests article The hill Im willing to die on Fruit with meat What kind of weirdo does that
General Understanding
Q What is this article about
A Its a humorous opinion piece where the author passionately defends the delicious combination of fruit and meat in cooking arguing against people who find it strange
Q Whats the hill shes willing to die on
A The hill is her strong unshakeable belief that pairing fruit with meat is not weird at all but is actually a classic and fantastic culinary practice
Q Who is the weirdo shes referring to
A Shes playfully calling anyone a weirdo who dismisses or is grossed out by the idea of fruit in savory meat dishes
Definitions Examples
Q What does fruit with meat even mean Arent those separate categories
A It means using fruits as ingredients in savory meat dishes not eating them sidebyside on a plate The fruit adds flavor sweetness acidity or moisture
Q Can you give some common examples of fruit with meat
A Absolutely Think of classics like pork with apples duck with orange turkey with cranberry sauce lamb with apricots or chicken with lemon
Q Are there any more advanced or surprising examples
A Yes The article mentions things like venison with blackberries sausages cooked with grapes or even the use of mango in a spicy salsa with grilled fish or chicken
Benefits Reasoning
Q Why would you even put fruit with meat Whats the point
A Fruit balances the dish The sweetness and acidity can cut through the richness or fattiness of the meat making the whole meal more complex and enjoyable
Q Is this just a modern foodie trend
A Not at all The author points out this is a very traditional practice found in cuisines all over the world from British roast dinners to Middle Eastern tagines
Common Problems Counterarguments
Q Isnt it just too sweet I dont want my dinner to taste like dessert
A When done well its not about making meat taste like candy Its about a hint of sweetness and tang
