“And here are the highlights from tonight’s 2-0 win.” All in all, the stadium announcer at Villa Park deserves some kind of civic award for preserving the dry, gallows humour typical of this part of the Midlands.
What exactly was this occasion? Ninety minutes of light exercise? A chance to reflect, more than ever, on the contrast between club and international football? By the end, this World Cup qualifier felt more like a piece of mid-range pageantry—a formal, predictable event focused on ceremony and polish, where the only thing to say, between drifting off into thoughts of your own mortality, is, “Well, at least we do these things properly.”
The only goal was to win, and England did. It was probably a decent warm-up for the Serbia match, since no one got injured. The most notable thing about this game was that it wasn’t awful or embarrassing—just utterly forgettable, like a month made up entirely of Tuesday afternoons.
The one moment of real quality came in the 65th minute, when Andorra eased off just enough, leaving space on England’s right for Reece James to curl in a lovely dipping cross. Declan Rice nodded it inside the far post to make it 2-0.
Otherwise, what was this? What does a good game against Andorra even look like? There have to be goals, and they need to come steadily, leaving no time to sigh or watch the sun set. No sense of futility, please—we’re England. And Villa Park was full at kick-off, a lively and cheerful place.
Ebe Eze started in the number 10 role, free to drop deep, press high, go wide—basically do anything to add variety. He was energetic early on, but breaking down two rigid defensive lines is a strange, specific challenge. How often has Eze had to do that?
After 24 minutes, he was involved in the move that led to Noni Madueke’s cross being deflected for an own goal. From then on, England settled into a relentless attack, the whole game condensed into a 30-yard space in front of Andorra’s goal.
Madueke had a good game, in that he seemed to be enjoying himself. Elliot Anderson looked comfortable on the ball and unfazed by the occasion. Harry Kane touched the ball just 12 times in 90 minutes—he was barely there, almost like he’d vanished into thin air.
Really, Andorra were the spectacle. They did almost nothing but smother and obstruct. But given that England are ranked fourth in the world, this was arguably Andorra’s best away result since losing 2-0 to world champions France back in October 1998.
Andorra isn’t just a strange team—it’s a strange concept, a different idea of what sport is. Their entire game is about preventing football from happening. Understandably so—they have the fifth smallest population of any UEFA country. They’re here simply to assert their status as a nation, a flag, a set of borders. To be Andorra is to be filler, football’s necessary padding, like a plastic croissant on a morning talk show.
It must be an exhausting existence. Every moment is about spoiling, sapping energy. From the first minute, Andorra seem to want the game to stop—the whole match feels like a protest against the sport itself. And yet, they still have to take part.
From the opening seconds, they pulled, jostled, nipped, and got in the way. England won a free-kick almost immediately, and three times the ball was nudged just wide of the taker—excellent, fearless gamesmanship. But what kind of life is this? Why does it happen?Sign up for Football Daily, the Guardian’s free daily football newsletter, to kick off your evenings with their take on the world of football.
Enter your email to subscribe. Privacy Notice: Newsletters may include information about charities, online ads, and content funded by external parties. If you don’t have an account, we’ll create a guest account on theguardian.com to send you the newsletter. You can complete full registration anytime. For details on how we use your data, see our Privacy Policy. We use Google reCaptcha for website security, and the Google Privacy Policy and Terms of Service apply.
Koldo Álvarez has managed Andorra for 15 years. It took him 49 games to get his first win. They’ve scored in just two of their last 25 matches. The only team they regularly beat is Liechtenstein. Maybe they should adopt a Liechtenstein mindset for every game—pretend everyone they play is Liechtenstein.
Thomas Tuchel has hinted that Elliot Anderson will start for England against Serbia.
Despite their struggles, Andorra has improved at losing respectably, though in a way that makes life itself feel meaningless. Their last heavy defeat was a 7–0 loss to Portugal five years ago. You might wonder what their training looks like. Do they even use a ball? Or a goal? Do they need to be in the same place? Maybe they should just go to the park and rough someone up. How do they scout players? They probably look for people who refuse to move down a train carriage, man-spreaders, seat-hoggers—yes, that’s our guy.
In the end, this match had no bearing on what will define Thomas Tuchel’s time as England manager. His real task is figuring out how to beat teams like France or Spain in a knockout game—something England has historically struggled with.
Still, it wouldn’t be fair to say England learned nothing. They experienced the slow drift of a September Saturday and were reminded of football’s oddly reassuring limits. Andorra may be laughably outmatched amateurs, but space is still space, and opportunities must be earned.
Tuchel has sometimes seemed puzzled by his role. Here’s a man whose life revolves around overthinking football, now faced with underthinking it—embracing pragmatism, simplicity, and encouragement. There were small positives: Anderson was a good choice, Tuchel spoke well afterward, and even a win like this—dull and endured—is still a win.
Frequently Asked Questions
Of course Here is a list of FAQs about the statement Watching Andorra is like experiencing a month thats nothing but Tuesday afternoons
General Beginner Questions
Q What does this phrase even mean
A Its a metaphor It suggests that watching Andorra feels monotonous uneventful and has a specific slightly dull moodmuch like the quiet routine feeling of a Tuesday afternoon that seems to last forever
Q Is Andorra a specific movie or show
A It most likely refers to the play Andorra by Swiss playwright Max Frisch The phrase is a famous critical description of its atmosphere and themes
Q Is this a good thing or a bad thing
A It depends on your taste For some its a criticism meaning the experience is boring For others its a compliment praising its ability to capture a specific meditative and realistic mood
Q So should I watchread Andorra
A If youre interested in thoughtprovoking slowburn dramas that explore heavy themes like identity prejudice and societal pressure then yes If you prefer fastpaced action or comedy you might find it challenging
Advanced Thematic Questions
Q Why a Tuesday afternoon specifically Why not a Monday morning
A A Monday morning implies stress and the start of work A Tuesday afternoon lacks the anxiety of a Monday or the anticipation of a Friday It represents the pure unremarkable grind of everyday life which is central to the plays feeling of inescapable routine and looming dread
Q What are the benefits of experiencing something like this
A It can be a deeply reflective experience It forces you to sit with discomfort and examine complex themes like selfdeception collective guilt and how societies create outsiders Its more about intellectual and emotional engagement than entertainment
Q Whats a common problem people have with this style
A The most common issue is pacing Many viewers or readers find it too slow bleak or emotionally draining without a traditional plot to pull them through
Q Can you give an example of another film or show that feels like a month of Tuesday afternoons
A Yes
