Books to help you…
Find love
Chosen by Philippa Perry
Amir Levine’s Secure, to be published in April, is based on attachment theory, which outlines four main bonding styles: anxious (craving closeness but fearing rejection), avoidant (preferring independence over intimacy), fearful-avoidant (a combination of both), and secure (comfortable with closeness and easygoing). Psychiatrist Amir Levine offers practical tools to help you feel more secure in all relationships—not just romantic ones, but also with colleagues, friends, family, and even yourself. This isn’t a whimsical book; it’s grounded in research and neuroscience. I believe that by following its principles, you can become more secure over time. However, psychological growth isn’t like applying a cream—simply reading the book isn’t enough. You’ll need to put in the work and maintain the practice. Secure can help you understand yourself better, and self-awareness is the first step toward positive change, in this case becoming more open and relaxed in all your relationships. If you can’t wait until April, my runner-up is Levine’s first book, Attached, co-written with Rachel Heller.
Philippa Perry is a clinical psychologist. Her latest book is The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read.
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Have better conversations
Chosen by Hannah Critchlow
Emily and Laurence Alison’s Rapport is excellent for helping us understand others and showing how we can collaborate to enhance our cognitive abilities. Evidence suggests that much of our species’ success stems from our ability to cooperate. We often take mental shortcuts, accumulate biases over our lifetimes, and have genetic tendencies to perceive the world in different ways. But when a group of people comes together and communicates openly, it can counterbalance individual biases, allowing them to see the world more accurately. From there, we can begin to solve problems and move forward positively.
The authors draw on their experiences as forensic psychologists in dangerous, hostile situations, outlining four personality categories—monkey, T. rex, lion, and mouse—each with its own communicative strengths and weaknesses. This framework provides a roadmap for understanding yourself and others. In today’s world, I think it’s incredibly important to continue building interpersonal skills, fostering rapport even with those who think differently, rather than hiding behind screens.
Hannah Critchlow is a neuroscientist at Magdalene College, Cambridge University. Her new book, The 21st-Century Brain, will be published in April.
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Sustain a long-term relationship
Chosen by Orna Guralnik
Stephen Mitchell was, in a sense, the founder of the relational school of psychoanalysis—a more contemporary approach—and his book Can Love Last? is very useful for couples. He writes openly in accessible language about the unconscious dilemmas that love presents, the risks of vulnerability, dependency, and unpredictability, and how we often try to avoid risk and dull love to feel safer. The book helps people connect with their deeper motivations, enabling them to be more courageous in love.
Rather than offering quick fixes like “three things you can do tomorrow,” it delves deeper. Mitchell provides engaging examples. I appreciate how he intelligently discusses this intense experience we all go through: forming relationships, falling in love, and struggling when we often feel confused about what’s happening. He beautifully addresses the tension between the need for safety and the desire for adventure.
Orna Guralnik is a New York-based clinical psychologist and psychoanalyst, best known for the television show Couples Therapy.
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Stop being a people pleaser
Chosen by Alex Curmi
The Courage to Be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi is different from any other self-help book I’ve encountered.It’s one of the most compelling books I’ve ever read. The format of a philosopher speaking to a young, frustrated student really draws you in. Everyone can relate to being that young person trying to figure things out, and I think everyone feels they have that older, wiser person within them somewhere too. The book introduces readers to the work of Austrian psychoanalyst Alfred Adler, who believed that at any point, you can decide to change your life.
People-pleasers often unconsciously take on responsibilities not just for their own lives, but for other people’s, because they fear that if they don’t put in that extra effort, others will dislike them. Kishimi presents Adler’s idea of the “separation of tasks,” where you decide which tasks you are responsible for and then let others handle their own. This is extremely liberating. The great irony is that when you live without the fear of being disliked, people tend to like you more because they sense your self-respect and authenticity—qualities that are very appealing.
Be happier
Chosen by Paul Dolan
I first encountered Oliver Burkeman’s writing in his Guardian series, “This Column Will Change Your Life.” He doesn’t take himself too seriously, and I admire his self-deprecation. You can be serious and share important, robust ideas while still having some lightness. Four Thousand Weeks is an enjoyable read that aligns with what I’ve always said about a key way to be happier: just get over ourselves about things. Burkeman focuses on our limited time—hence the title. So, never mind next week; what will you do this week to make it a little better? Focus on small things, not big ones; do things now rather than later; stop worrying about making next week perfect.
It’s fundamentally about happiness, which is the ultimate achievement. It’s interesting when people say they want to be successful. What’s the point of success? It’s clichéd but true: it’s about the journey.
Navigate trauma
Chosen by Lisa Feldman Barrett
George Bonanno has studied trauma in many forms for over three decades. In The End of Trauma, he challenges some conventional, outdated beliefs. Through stories and case studies, he shows that trauma is personal: it varies across people and contexts. It’s not a feature of an event, but an experience. Adverse events might not traumatize someone, while something that isn’t traumatic for many can be genuinely traumatic for you. Trauma doesn’t just mean “I feel really bad.” It means “I’m having intrusive thoughts and can’t connect with the pleasures of the moment. I feel so bad that I can’t function.” Still, most people are surprisingly resilient and do not develop PTSD—even after terrible events like 9/11, rape, or war. People may be distressed, angry, or grieving, but most can function in their daily lives.
Bonanno also shows that resilience to trauma depends on how flexibly you cope. Sometimes talking helps; other times, distracting yourself is better. Sometimes you should seek company; other times, a hot bath and an early night are best, hoping tomorrow will be better. It’s always possible to look at an event from different angles, which gives you more choice in how to feel. Flexibility is a skill that can be learned and practiced like any other. Ultimately, you have agency over how you deal with life’s challenges. With agency, there is hope.Lisa Feldman Barrett is a neuroscientist and professor at Northeastern University. Her latest book is Seven and a Half Lessons About the Brain.
Handle stress
Chosen by Robert Sapolsky
I’d recommend Dopamine Nation by my colleague Anna Lembke, a professor of psychiatry at Stanford University. I don’t recall if the word “stress” appears in the book, but it’s ultimately about that in a very meaningful way. She focuses on the biology and psychology of why our cultures leave us so empty and prone to addiction—why the more we eat, the hungrier we get. She emphasizes how we in our privileged Western lives have been led to believe we should never feel pain, failure, defeat, or discouragement—that “everyone’s a winner.” This makes us pathetic and unprepared when truly tough circumstances arise. Her model suggests that without the capacity to tolerate pain, and being hypersensitive to the inevitable pains of life, we develop a heightened craving for reward, which leads to addiction. The takeaway for me is to remember the consequences of aiming for a pain-free life with no setbacks or adversity.
Robert Sapolsky is a professor of biology, neuroscience, and neurosurgery at Stanford University. His latest book is Determined: A Science of Life Without Free Will.
Tackle narcissism
Chosen by Linda Blair
Today we tend to label everything, and I don’t think that’s always the most effective way to create change and well-being. “Narcissism” is a term people love to throw around as an insult: “They’re such a narcissist.” What they usually mean is, “I don’t think they value me enough or see my point of view, and that annoys me.” Well, guess what? That’s narcissism too. And by focusing on it—in yourself or others—you only make it worse.
To address narcissistic personality disorder, the most important thing is to work on deepening and strengthening your relationships. That comes down to not just considering others’ perspectives, but also getting more realistic about your own. So, like the Dalai Lama, try to see everyone as equally important, including yourself, and spend your time trying to understand others rather than judge them. In the blink of an eye, you’ll begin to solve narcissism—whether in yourself or in your tendency to call it out in others—and you’ll emerge happier. The Art of Happiness is a dialogue between Western psychiatrist Howard Cutler and the Dalai Lama, and I think it’s a winner. It may have been published in 1998, but the wisdom isn’t dated, and the Dalai Lama, of course, is still going strong.
Linda Blair is a clinical psychologist. Her latest book is Siblings.
Become a better parent
Chosen by Emily Oster
Thomas Phelan’s 1-2-3 Magic is an older book, but it’s fundamentally sensible and I think it would help a lot of people enormously. It serves as a corrective to some of the more intense and exhausting parenting books we’ve seen lately.
The goal is to give you a system and show you how to implement it—so it’s very no-nonsense, with lots of practical examples. It feels like good, sensible advice, structured so you can succeed. The core idea is that kids respond well to a consistent system of rewards and punishments when it comes to behavior change. And perhaps more importantly, if you reach a better place, family life becomes easier and there’s more room for fun.
Emily Oster is a professor of economics at Brown University. Her latest book is The Unexpected: Navigating Pregnancy During and After Complications.
Understand neurodiversity
Chosen by Almuth McDowall
Approaching Autistic Adulthood by Grace Liu is one of my favorite books. Grace is mixed race and a lesbian, and—The book beautifully illuminates an intersectional perspective. The author does a great job of describing her journey to adulthood and the difficulties she experienced, without sugarcoating or judging others. Some parts made me laugh out loud, such as her description of “neurotypical-splaining”—when people who are not autistic try to tell autistic people what it’s like. The book offers real-life insight into the autistic mind. It’s a great read for autistic people (“You are not alone! Here are some things to think about to navigate life better”) and for people who interact with autistic people, which, given its prevalence, means all of us at some point (“This is how you can respond appropriately, without patronizing or belittling people”). It’s an easy and poignant read with many anecdotes. Grace’s approach is also evidence-based—she addresses the double empathy problem, which is that autistic people understand each other, and neurodivergent people understand each other, but communication across the two neurotypes often leads to misunderstanding. She debunks some myths and is honest and authentic in her writing.
Almuth McDowall is a psychology professor at Birkbeck College, London, specializing in neurodivergence research.
How to Focus, chosen by Oliver Burkeman, is from a series published by Princeton called Ancient Wisdom for Modern Readers. Written by the fourth-century Christian monk John Cassian and translated by Jamie Kreiner, the translation is informal, refreshing, and modern. It’s about the problem of concentration and distraction, which they attributed partly to demons but also to the vagaries of how human attention works—something they believed could be addressed.
First, know that distraction is a perpetual challenge, and it makes more sense to simply accept that. Second, prioritize having interesting things to focus on instead of the tempting distractions that lure you away. So it’s not a self-punishing, “I will not spend an hour doomscrolling,” but rather, “How can I make sure I spend some of my time on things that naturally draw me in and that I prefer to do over doomscrolling?”
The most practical solution offered is the idea of establishing a daily practice—something you can keep coming back to—and learning to forgive yourself when your focus isn’t what you’d like it to be. You’re still exercising your concentration muscle.
There’s something profound about realizing that whatever torments us today might, in some way, be a timeless part of the human condition. I feel lifted up or supported by these insights. We’re all just chipping away at it, and that’s why you don’t need to beat yourself up for not having done more.
Oliver Burkeman is a writer. His latest book is Meditations for Mortals.
Frequently Asked Questions
Of course Here is a list of FAQs about the article Read this to find happiness experts recommend the selfhelp books that truly deliver results
General Questions
1 What is this list of books about
Its a curated list of selfhelp books recommended by experts that have been shown to provide real practical results for improving happiness and wellbeing
2 Why should I trust these recommendations
These arent just popular bestsellers They are books vetted by professionals who understand the science of happiness and personal development focusing on methods with proven effectiveness
3 Im new to selfhelp Where should I start
Look for books on the list that are described as foundational classic or practical Experts often recommend starting with books that offer clear actionable exercises rather than just theory
Questions About the Books Their Use
4 What kinds of topics do these books cover
They cover a range of approaches to happiness including cognitivebehavioral techniques mindfulness and meditation building habits fostering gratitude improving relationships and finding purpose
5 Will just reading these books make me happy
Not by itself Reading provides the knowledge and roadmap but happiness comes from consistently applying the exercises reflections and strategies the books teach Think of them as guidebooks not magic spells
6 Ive read selfhelp books before and nothing changed How are these different
These are specifically chosen for their evidencebased practical approaches The difference is in the application This list encourages you to choose one book and commit to practicing its core lessons for a set period
7 Are these books a substitute for therapy
No While they can be incredibly helpful tools for personal growth they are not a replacement for professional diagnosis or treatment for mental health conditions like depression or anxiety They work best as a supplement or for general wellbeing
8 Which book is best for like stress or low selfesteem
The article likely groups books by focus area Look for keywords from the experts for anxiety for resilience for selfcompassion Choose the book that directly addresses your biggest current challenge
Practical Application Tips
