Recently I read Girls, a new book that explores the challenges digital and social media pose to young women’s mental health. Reviewers have praised it as “punchy” and “a starting place for young women seeking guidance.” As a young woman always open to self-improvement, I dove in with interest.
Written by 26-year-old Freya India, the book urges young women to “look past what you’re being TOLD and see what you’re being SOLD.” India argues that big tech preys on users’ insecurities and that the recent mental health crisis among young women should be attributed to social media, the internet, and our addiction to it. This debate is unfolding globally: in a landmark U.S. case, Meta and YouTube were found liable for deliberately designing addictive products.
The book goes further, listing various ways young women have been harmed: “We wasted our childhoods chasing something that does not exist,” “We forever damaged what little love we had for ourselves,” and “We are vain and insecure.” While I agreed with many points, I also bristled at the tone—one echoed by commentators like Jonathan Haidt, who often focuses solely on the damage social media inflicts on young people. This week’s case importantly highlights the harm social media can cause very young users; the plaintiff testified she became addicted to YouTube at six and Instagram at nine. But India’s book portrays all young people as passive victims and frames social media as an immovable curse on my generation.
I was also born in 1999 and recognize most of the online phenomena India mentions. I, too, tried the Kylie Jenner lip challenge. Yet I can’t relate to the narrative that my adolescence was spoiled or my brain “curdled” by time spent online. This doesn’t align with my experience—or with that of the young women and girls I know who grew up with the internet. Not only does this narrative feel untrue, it feels damaging.
Yes, social media can be harmful, but it isn’t the sole cause of declining mental health among young people, especially girls. I see it as part of a broader issue: a loss of agency in how we narrate our lives. First, the rise in poor mental health among youth predates the internet. Some studies show this trend began as early as the 1980s, even if recent technologies have accelerated it.
One explanation could be reduced childhood independence. The generation now struggling to achieve financial stability and leave their parents’ homes is also the generation that, as children, were increasingly not allowed to venture out alone. The age at which parents consider it safe for children to walk home from school alone has risen steadily. The area where kids play has also shrunk. A study in England found that only 33% of children surveyed played outside unsupervised near their homes, compared to 80% half a century ago. Technology has changed supervision, too—while adults may not be physically present, children are now more heavily monitored.
Independent play and exploration are crucial for building autonomy in childhood. Psychologists argue that without this, children struggle to develop an “internal locus of control”—the belief that their actions shape the world around them. Conversely, an “external” locus of control—the idea that external factors dictate their lives—is linked to higher anxiety and depression.
And how else is this sense of external control formed? Surely through the narratives we are…The idea that sensitive, feminine brains are especially vulnerable to harm on social media risks reinforcing a sense of powerlessness. It encourages young women to believe they have no control—that they are passive victims whose only options are to accept their brains are “fried” or to leave the internet entirely, which is hardly a practical choice.
But is it really so black and white? Research suggests it’s not whether we use social media at all that affects loneliness, but how we use it. Passive scrolling is more harmful than active engagement. What’s missing is autonomy. If there is a crisis, it’s one of empowerment: young people are acutely aware of the negatives in their lives, partly due to relentless, alarmist news coverage, yet they aren’t being given the tools to navigate or improve their situation.
Consider that in England today, only 33% of children play outside unsupervised near home, compared to 80% half a century ago. The most urgent issue facing young people is material and economic—we’ve lost a great deal of practical independence. Focusing narrowly on social media when discussing young women’s mental health is like missing the forest for a few scorched trees.
To many pessimistic commentators, Gen Z is already a lost cause, so attention has shifted to under-16s and calls for outright social media bans. But what we really need is more conversation about how to build a relationship with social media that is empowering, not debilitating. The internet is built to generate profit, not to safeguard mental health. That’s why a feminist approach is essential—one that is strong, thoughtful, and compassionate, free from shame.
I know many vibrant, curious, happy young women who spend hours daily on TikTok. I also know deeply depressed young women who don’t use social media at all. Many people I know, myself included, regularly deactivate and reactivate Instagram. It doesn’t have to be a monumental decision.
While it’s important to address online harms, endlessly listing every terrible thing that happens to young women online isn’t helpful or energizing. It’s fearmongering—a sensationalist argument that has lately become something of a grift. Commentators may urge us to look past what we’re told and see what we’re being sold, but doom sells. This narrative is profitable.
Frequently Asked Questions
Of course Here is a list of FAQs about the comment The internet has ruined your brain tailored to the experience of a young woman hearing it frequently
Understanding the Comment
Q1 What do people usually mean when they say the internet has ruined your brain
A They often mean they think your attention span is shorter your memory is worse or that you prioritize quick online interactions over deeper offline ones They might be criticizing your phone use or how you process information
Q2 Why do I as a young woman seem to hear this more often
A Unfortunately young womens interests and communication styles are sometimes unfairly dismissed This comment can reflect a mix of generational gaps gender stereotypes and a misunderstanding of modern digital literacy
Q3 Is there any scientific truth to the idea that the internet changes our brains
A Yes in a neutral sense Neuroplasticity means our brains adapt to our environments including digital ones This can lead to strengths like faster information filtering and multitasking but also potential challenges with sustained focus Ruined is a biased and unhelpful way to describe this complex adaptation
Evaluating the Comments Impact
Q4 Is this kind of comment actually helpful
A Almost never Its a generalized criticism that shuts down conversation It makes you defensive instead of encouraging selfreflection or a discussion about healthy digital habits
Q5 Whats the real problem with someone saying this to me
A The comment is dismissive condescending and rarely offers constructive advice It frames your experience through a deficit lens instead of acknowledging the different skills you may have developed or the valid reasons youre online
Q6 Could there be a valid concern hidden in this unhelpful comment
A Possibly The person might clumsily be expressing concern about your wellbeinglike if youre constantly stressed comparing yourself online or disengaging from inperson life The problem is the judgmental delivery obscures any real care
Responding and Reframing
Q7 How can I respond when someone says this to me
A You can
Ask for clarity What specific behavior are you concerned about
