Thakshayini, 40, Birmingham
Occupation: Oncologist
Voting record: Historically, she voted for “whatever wasn’t Conservative.” Now, her rule is “not Reform or the Conservatives.”
Amuse bouche: She is bilingual in English and Tamil, speaks decent French, German, and Japanese, a little Spanish, and could even pull out ancient Greek and Latin “if required.”
Maimuna, 24, Birmingham
Occupation: Education programmes assistant at a medical charity
Voting record: She’s a Conservative party member, but because of Boris Johnson and the party’s direction, she voted Labour in the last two elections.
Amuse bouche: Last year, during a pub crawl in Copenhagen, someone asked if she was running the marathon the following week. She replied, “No, I’d only just started running!” In May, she returned to Copenhagen and actually ran it.
For starters:
Thakshayini: I was a bit nervous, partly because I expected to meet a staunch right-winger, but she wasn’t at all. She was perfectly nice.
Maimuna: We quickly started chatting about the NHS strikes; it was really interesting to hear her perspective.
Thakshayini: I had crab toast with a nice bisque, then chicken. For dessert, panna cotta with strawberries, and lovely mocktails.
Maimuna: I had a mushroom parfait, steak, two glasses of oaky chardonnay, and a chocolate dessert. Delicious.
The big beef:
Maimuna: I was concerned that the NHS struggles to retain doctors and relies too much on foreign doctors, which discourages training local ones. She said it’s just as expensive to train doctors from abroad because their qualifications might not directly apply to the UK system.
Thakshayini: She suggested we should just train more British people. But the issue isn’t just cost—it’s that many doctor roles lack career progression, so people don’t apply. You can’t force anyone to take those jobs, so we offer them to international applicants.
Maimuna: My view was based on friends from medical school who wanted to leave for better pay elsewhere.
Thakshayini: My dad had nearly 20 years of experience when we moved here, but he had to start in an entry-level doctor job. I was five and my sister was three; now we’re both doctors. So, we’re two homegrown doctors who are only here because an immigrant was given one of those roles.
Sharing plate:
Maimuna: I’m really into fitness, and I think the food industry is very predatory. We agreed that size doesn’t always reflect health. I asked if people from other ethnic backgrounds, like Asian or Black, develop health issues at lower BMIs compared to white people. She said yes, but genetics also play a role.
Thakshayini: I talked about differences across populations—there’s a link between diabetes and weight, but also between diabetes and race, and obesity and race. We don’t fully understand it yet. Still, doctors often tell patients like me, “You’ve got pain because you’re fat—lose weight.”Then it turned out to be something else.
For afters:
Maimuna: Assisted dying goes against my religion, but I worry that some people might choose it because they feel like a burden. Death is the one thing that will happen to everyone—why rush it? A British Medical Association survey found that most doctors support assisted dying, except those in palliative and geriatric care. Thakshayini mentioned she doesn’t work in those specialties but wondered if some doctors are concerned that assisted dying could divert resources away from palliative care.
Thakshayini: As a patient, I would want the option if it came to it. But as a doctor, it would be very difficult to be involved in causing a patient’s death, even if that’s what they wanted.
Takeaways:
Maimuna: I really enjoyed talking with Thakshayini. It was great to hear perspectives from someone with a different background who is also more involved in the NHS than I am.
Thakshayini: I wasn’t entirely clear on the reasoning behind some of Maimuna’s opinions—in that way, she seemed quite young to me. But we bonded over our shared dislike of Reform. If there are more people like her in the Conservative party, maybe they can give Reform a run for their money!
Additional reporting by Kitty Drake. Maimuna and Thakshayini dined at Pasture in Birmingham. Interested in meeting someone from across the divide? Find out how to take part.
Frequently Asked Questions
Of course Here is a list of FAQs about finding common ground over a shared dislike using the provided example
General Beginner Questions
Q What does finding common ground actually mean
A It means discovering a topic opinion or experience that you and someone else both agree on which can help build a connection
Q Why is a shared dislike considered common ground Isnt that negative
A While it might seem negative a shared dislike is a powerful and immediate form of agreement It creates a sense of us in a conversation and can be a starting point for more positive topics
Q In the dinner example what is Reform referring to
A In this context Reform most likely refers to a specific political party movement or policy proposal that both people at the dinner disagreed with It serves as the specific subject they bonded over
Q Is it okay to bond over disliking something or someone
A Its a very common way people connect However its best to use it as a starting point and then steer the conversation toward more constructive and positive common interests to build a healthier relationship
Advanced Practical Questions
Q What are the benefits of finding common ground even over a dislike
A It reduces tension builds rapport makes difficult conversations easier and can be the first step toward collaboration or compromise on other issues
Q Whats a common problem when using this tactic
A The biggest risk is that the conversation can become overly negative or turn into unproductive gossip or complaining which can strain a relationship if it becomes a habit
Q Can you give another example of finding common ground over a dislike
A Sure Two coworkers from different departments might bond over their shared frustration with a confusing new software system or two neighbors might agree that a new traffic light on their street is causing more problems than it solves
Q How do I transition from a negative common ground to a positive one
A Use the shared dislike as a bridge For example after agreeing on a dislike for Reform you could say Since we both feel that way what solutions or alternatives do you think would work better This pivots the conversation to shared values and positive ideas
