After struggling with infertility and going through eight unsuccessful rounds of IVF, Narzny McKinney had just two embryos left — her last chance to have a biological child. After thinking it over, she decided to find a surrogate to carry her baby.
“We were eight years into this journey by then, and I just didn’t want to risk anything going wrong,” she said. “It was a tough decision, but it was absolutely the right one.”
She and her husband, Roy, signed up with two UK surrogacy agencies and started going to social events where intended parents can meet potential surrogates. But because demand has soared — due to rising infertility rates, as well as older people and gay couples hoping to become parents — McKinney and her husband had little luck meeting anyone other than other parents in the same situation.
“It’s emotionally draining because you go in with high hopes every time. You might go to a social event most weekends; it takes up a big part of your life,” she said. They also thought about going abroad — as more people in the UK are doing, with agencies reporting huge demand — but knew it would be logistically difficult.
After two years of waiting, they got a call from the agency, Nappy Endings, saying a surrogate was available — Sarah Turner, a mother of three and former midwife in London, who had always wanted to be a surrogate.
Turner said: “I always felt very lucky that I could have low-risk pregnancies and have babies without any problems. So I thought I’d really like to help someone who couldn’t do it as easily as I could. I was very keen. I did a lot of research. I know myself, and I was quite relaxed about it.”
The two couples hit it off right away, and soon after, Turner — then 41 — became pregnant with one of the last two embryos.
From the start, Turner made sure McKinney felt as involved in the pregnancy as possible. She bought her a bracelet that would vibrate every time the baby kicked.
“Having had three of my own babies, I can’t even imagine how hard it must have been for Narzny, trusting another woman to carry her baby and not being able to do it herself,” Turner said. “That really got to me. I used to sit and think, how must she feel? She has to trust me to do everything right for her.
“So I thought it would be really nice if she could feel the baby move and have that reassurance.”
McKinney said the strong bond between her and the surrogate was key to making the process go smoothly and feel comfortable for everyone: “We went to all the appointments together. I felt really connected.”
After carefully planning the birth, their best-laid plans fell apart when Sarah gave birth at home so quickly that McKinney and her husband — who lived 40 minutes away — couldn’t get there in time.
“People would say, ‘Oh my God, how do you feel about missing it?’ But I think we would have been so stressed and anxious, so it was actually nice to arrive and be told, ‘It’s all done, he’s safe and he’s perfect,’” she said.
Turner admitted that the time right after the birth was the hardest part of the whole process for her. “The hormones kick in, and you can’t do anything about that. So it was challenging,” she said.
“Your mind knows there shouldn’t be a baby, but your body doesn’t. But Narzny and Roy were perfect — they didn’t just leave me as soon as they had their baby. They checked in, sent photos, and we visited them. They were really thoughtful about how I was feeling.”
Now McKinney…She is enjoying motherhood with her one-year-old son, Zak, and still regularly meets up with Turner and her family to catch up.
They both agree that some legal reform—along with better education and awareness about how surrogacy works—would have made their experience go more smoothly. Under current UK laws, the surrogate and their spouse must be listed as the baby’s legal parents until a parental order is completed after birth.
McKinney said she had to visit three different courts to get the parental order that transferred legal parenthood to her and Roy. Campaigners argue this should happen from birth. She also mentioned it took months to get Zak a passport.
“It’s a shame because he’s obviously been ours from day one, but the legal paperwork to prove that is way behind,” she said.
McKinney also said she has encountered people who assumed she chose surrogacy because she didn’t want to give birth, or questioned whether she would have the “same bond” with her child.
“You wouldn’t say that to fathers, would you? You wouldn’t say that if we had adopted our child. You wouldn’t find that acceptable,” she said.
Turner agreed that more education and acceptance are needed. “Because then people wouldn’t feel like it has to be done in secret or that it’s something to be ashamed of,” she said. “Families can be made in all different ways, and actually, it’s lovely that we can all help each other.”
The pair said they didn’t face any negativity about the surrogacy, but they are aware of some people’s preconceptions and criticisms of the practice.
“I know there are a lot more celebrities doing it now, but for us, it was because of her fertility issues. It wasn’t just like, ‘Oh, I can’t be bothered to carry a pregnancy, I’ll get someone else to do it.’ It was purely medical,” said Sarah. “So nobody had anything negative to say to us about it.”
Turner added that while people have praised her decision to be a surrogate as an incredibly selfless act, she doesn’t see it in such grand terms.
“I’m pretty relaxed about it,” she said. “Everyone says it’s this amazing thing you’ve done. I don’t necessarily think of it that way. I’m glad I did it, I’m glad they have their baby, and I’m glad they’re a happy family—it’s really lovely to watch them grow.”
Frequently Asked Questions
Here is a list of FAQs based on your story written in a natural conversational tone
1 What made you decide to try surrogacy after eight rounds of IVF
After eight rounds my body and my mind were exhausted I still wanted a baby but my doctor said another round had very low odds A former midwife friend saw how much I was struggling and offered to carry the baby for me It felt like the last real chance I had
2 Did you use your own eggs for the surrogacy
Yes We used eggs I had already frozen from an earlier cycle The surrogate only carried the pregnancy She had no genetic link to the baby
3 How did you find a surrogate Was it hard
I was incredibly luckyshe was already a friend Finding a surrogate through an agency can take months and costs a lot We skipped the agency because we knew and trusted each other
4 What made you trust her to carry your baby
She was a midwife for 15 years She had seen hundreds of births and understood the risks better than anyone More importantly she had no personal desire for another child so I knew her only goal was to help me
5 What was the hardest part of the surrogacy process
Letting go of control I couldnt take the pregnancy tests I couldnt feel the kicks I had to trust her to eat well rest and tell me the truth about how she was feeling It was harder than any IVF shot
6 Did you worry she might want to keep the baby
No We had a legal contract signed before the embryo transfer She was very clear from day one This is your baby Im just the oven Her professional experience made her very grounded about that boundary
7 How did you handle money and legal stuff
We hired a lawyer who specializes in surrogacy In our state you need a prebirth order to put my name on the birth certificate I paid for her medical costs lost wages and a small fee for her time but because she was a friend it was much less than an agency surrogacy
8 Were you in the delivery room when the baby was born
Yes She wanted me there I cut the cord
