Recent figures show that marriages in England and Wales have dropped by almost 9% following a post-pandemic surge, while civil partnerships have increased by a similar margin. This decline is also seen in the United States. The Vatican has weighed in to defend the institution, publishing a 40-page doctrinal note titled “Una Caro (One Flesh): In Praise of Monogamy: Doctrinal Note on the Value of Marriage as an Exclusive Union and Mutual Belonging.” Personally, I might not turn to sworn celibates for relationship guidance, but to each their own—exclusively and permanently, if the Catholic Church is to be believed.
Among younger generations, attitudes toward marriage are shifting, at least based on a University of Michigan survey. It found that only 61% of high school girls hope to marry someday, compared to 74% of boys. This may explain the growing number of opinion pieces where right-wing men lament that women won’t date them. Often, these men are self-proclaimed libertarians, making it puzzling why they don’t just accept the free market’s verdict.
So what’s turning young women away from marriage? For those dating men, it might be expectations like those of 79-year-old baronet Benjamin Slade, who is seeking a wife “at least 20 years younger,” a “good breeder,” “taller than 5ft 6in,” and “not a Scorpio.” I’ll admit I was briefly impressed that this aspiring husband knows astrology, though less so by his creative use of it to exclude women. With my Scorpio rising, 5ft 3in height, and hips better suited for a retro fanny pack than childbirth, I’m clearly not in the running—and neither are you, dear reader, since his ideal partner must not “read the Guardian newspaper.”
Another reason for the marriage decline starts earlier: fewer people are entering the committed relationships that usually precede it, aside from impulsive Vegas escapades. YouGov data indicates that half of Americans aged 18 to 34 have been in a “situationship,” defined by the Cambridge Dictionary as a romantic involvement that’s more than friendship but not yet a couple. A key feature is that typically only one person sees it as a “not yet.”
There are also deeper objections to marriage itself. To me, it represents state authority and coercion that I won’t support by participating. Governments use tax breaks, hospital visitation rights, and other legal and financial incentives to promote their preferred relationship model over others, like non-monogamy or communal living, which are marginalized. I don’t judge anyone who marries, whether for love or practicality—that’s their choice. But when it comes to letting bureaucrats regulate my private life, I’ll pass.
Not everyone shares my view. A recent New York Times podcast asked, “People Still Want to Marry. Why Aren’t They?” One theory is that marriage is now seen as a “capstone” of adulthood, not a starting point. There’s growing pressure to have finances, careers, and housing sorted before marrying, especially in an era of unstable jobs and high living costs. For some, marriage is still a prerequisite for having children, but many young women observed the uneven caregiving burdens during the pandemic and likely concluded that the responsibilities they’d face as parents are unmanageable.
On a brighter note, rather than being cut off from relationships altogether, people may be redefining commitment in ways that don’t hinge on traditional marriage.We’re no longer forced into marriage. In fact, anyone who truly values the institution shouldn’t want skeptics like me joining it anyway. Perhaps the future holds a world where only those who genuinely desire marriage will enter into it. To me, that sounds like a true happily ever after.
Naoise Dolan is an Irish writer and the author of “Exciting Times” and “The Happy Couple.”
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Frequently Asked Questions
Of course Here is a list of FAQs about why young women are hesitant to marry with clear and direct answers
BeginnerLevel Questions
1 Whats the main reason young women are delaying or avoiding marriage
There isnt one single reason but a major factor is that women now have more opportunities for education careers and financial independence Marriage is no longer an economic necessity for survival
2 Havent women always wanted to get married
While many have it was often a social and economic requirement in the past Today its a choice Women are weighing their options and deciding if marriage truly aligns with their personal goals for happiness and fulfillment
3 Are they just being too picky
Its less about being picky and more about having higher standards Women are seeking true partnerships with shared responsibilities rather than traditional arrangements where they often bore the bulk of domestic and emotional labor
4 What about the desire for children
Many women still want children but they are finding ways to have them outside of traditional marriage or they are being more selective about the partner they choose to parent with recognizing that a bad marriage can be more harmful than raising a child alone
IntermediateLevel Questions
5 How does financial independence play a role
When a woman can support herself she doesnt need to marry for financial security This allows her to wait for a partner who genuinely adds value to her lifeemotionally intellectually and as a true equalrather than settling out of necessity
6 What are the common problems they see in older generations marriages
Many young women witnessed their mothers or grandmothers shoulder most of the housework and childcare while also working a dynamic often called the second shift They are hesitant to enter a union that could lead to the same imbalance and burnout
7 Is fear of divorce a factor
Absolutely With high divorce rates many women see marriage as a significant financial and emotional risk They want to be certain that a partnership is strong and equitable before making such a legally binding commitment
8 How has dating culture affected this
Dating apps provide a vast pool of potential partners which can paradoxically make commitment seem more daunting The perception that there is always another option can lead to hesitation in settling down with one person
Advanced Practical Questions
