There’s a revealing moment in Lukas Gage’s new book where he calls it a “premature celebrity memoir.” It’s a self-deprecating joke, of course, but it’s also accurate. Gage isn’t a huge star—at least not yet. However, if you’ve seen him, you probably remember him. In 2020, he went viral after sharing an audition video where the director, unaware his mic was on, was heard criticizing Gage’s apartment (“These poor people live in these tiny apartments,” he said, before Gage interrupted to inform him he could hear everything). The next year, Gage appeared in the first season of The White Lotus: in one scene, his character Dillon is discovered by a hotel guest completely naked in the manager’s office while the manager performs oral sex on him.
“I thought: I don’t have too much to do in the show, so I’d better make a big impression,” he recalls with a smile. “I wanted to give people something to remember me by—and I did!”
Gage often plays characters with messy, chaotic lives, much like his own. He lays that life bare in his memoir, titled—in another self-deprecating joke—I Wrote this Book for Attention. While the book is entertaining, its content is far from light. It begins with Gage’s feelings of rejection and abandonment by his father, then covers drug use, sexual abuse, family dysfunction, addiction, personality disorders, shame, unstable relationships, and heartbreak. There’s little about the glitz and glamour of fame. Gage openly admits he’s just starting his career and doesn’t have a wealth of wisdom to share about success. So why write a memoir?
“I think it’s cathartic for me to share my story,” he says over a video call from New York. “During the Hollywood writers’ strike, I had the free time to really dive in and explore deeply, so I just thought: why not?”
Gage, 30, grew up in San Diego and was aware from a young age of his constant need for validation. He remembers a party where he showed up at age four wearing high heels and Playboy bunny ears; he was particularly hurt by his dad’s obvious disgust. Their relationship never fully recovered—Gage’s father moved out and grew distant from his sons (Gage has two older brothers) before starting a new family.
Gage struggled to fit in at school. He was a natural performer, but that made it hard to know who the real Lukas was. “I was always trying on different hats and personalities, which I think confused people,” he says. This had its perks, though. Gage could easily pretend to be a clean-cut football player while secretly stocking his bag with alcohol from a local store. Sometimes, other students paid him to call the school and imitate their parents to get them out of class. “Becoming different people came naturally to me,” he notes.
The memoir addresses addiction—mainly his older brother’s battle with heroin, which turned the sibling he looked up to into a frail shadow of himself, as well as his mother’s obsession with slot machines. An early jackpot helped the family afford a down payment on a larger house, but Gage laughs when asked if she actually made money from gambling. “In the end, she definitely spent a lot more than she won.”
He finds it amusing that until she read the book, his mom hadn’t fully acknowledged this aspect of her personality. “She asked my other brothers, ‘Do you guys feel this way too?’ And they all said, ‘Of course, we’ve been saying this since we were kids.'”
Gage has a lot of love for his mother.She clearly raised her children under difficult circumstances, but she struggled to read the book. “She felt like she had failed as a mother, and I didn’t want her to feel that way at all. Even though chaotic and hard things happened to me, I actually loved the way I grew up.”
Gage didn’t start to find his true self until he was sent to an acting summer camp as a child, where being loud, flamboyant, and attention-seeking was encouraged. The experience was life-changing in positive ways, but also in a terrible one. One night, a camp counselor joined him in his tent and instructed Gage and a girl camper to kiss, undress, and rub against each other while he masturbated. For years afterward, Gage tried to ignore the guilt and shame it left him with.
“Like many who experience molestation, I felt complicit because my body shut down. I knew it was wrong and shouldn’t be happening, but I just pushed through it.”
Gage is hard on himself in the book—and still is. He admits to seeking out harsh critiques of himself online. “I dislike that I don’t always hold my acting and writing in high esteem,” he says. “I wish I could have more empathy for that part of myself.”
Yet he acknowledges that this self-criticism also drives him forward. In high school, he appeared in a wart-removal commercial and spent the day on set asking endless questions about mic placement and the role of grips. Despite his mother’s reservations, he left San Diego for Hollywood at 18, staying at the Alta Cienega Motel where his hero Jim Morrison lived intermittently from 1968 to 1970. Tripadvisor reviews warning, “Stay FAR FAR AWAY from this DUMP!” suggest it wasn’t the most luxurious accommodation.
Gage’s big break should have come when he landed a small role in Mad Men as Sally Draper’s crush. He told his whole family, but during a costume fitting, he had to reveal the tattoos on his ribs, back, and calf. “My agents said to me, ‘How could you ruin this? How could you mess this up?’ That wasn’t the best thing for a teenager to hear after losing something so big.”
Nowadays, such tattoos could be covered up quickly, but back then, he was shown the door and had to start over. The relentless cycle of auditions and rejections was brutal, but he was prepared for it. “If I ever got rejected for a job, I’d think: it’s fine, it’s not as bad as my dad rejecting me for another family and child,” he says.
Gage persevered. The story of how he lied, begged, and cheated to get an audition for Assassination Nation, which led to roles in Euphoria (as Tyler Clarkson, bruised and in a neck brace) and then The White Lotus, could fill a book itself. He recalls the strangeness of filming The White Lotus in 2020, isolated in a luxury Hawaii hotel during the pandemic and the U.S. election. It was Gage and co-star Murray Bartlett who suggested their sex scene should be something extra—and showrunner Mike White happily agreed. Gage laughs remembering his mother’s reaction: “She wrote me, ‘Such a cute bum, but maybe next time give me a heads-up when I’m watching with friends.'”
While on set, Gage showed fellow cast members the audition video where his apartment was criticized. Their shocked, amused, and supportive response convinced him to post it online. He wasn’t prepared for the reaction it received: countless news headlines.Despite the outpouring of support from fellow actors and strangers, and the backlash against the director—none of which Gage could control—he was taken aback by the intensity of others’ anger. “I felt like people were much angrier about it than I was, which confused me,” he admits. “I didn’t want to ruin this person over it. I found it more amusing than anything else. I don’t think it was something worth canceling someone for.”
When asked if he regrets sharing the post, he replies, “I think part of me does. There was that worry—did I just blow up my life? This is my first major recognition, and it’s not even about my acting.”
Gage’s memoir highlights the instability of the entertainment industry and the fleeting nature of fame. The highs from shows like Euphoria and The White Lotus were quickly followed by uncertainty and despair. “It’s such a rush to create for months in a place like Hawaii… then suddenly you’re back in your apartment, wondering what’s next,” he shares. “It’s hard to trust that things will be okay because we’re taught to believe in scarcity—that there aren’t enough jobs out there.”
If Gage’s career was turbulent, his love life was even more so. As a teen, he had an intense on-and-off relationship with a troubled girl he calls Kaylee in his book—she frequently ended up in juvenile detention and often wore an ankle monitor. At 19, however, Gage slept with a man for the first time and realized he was queer.
“There was always a part of me that felt different,” he says, “but I couldn’t put my finger on what it was. I wish I’d understood earlier; it would have made things less confusing as a kid. Looking back, dancing as a Playboy bunny, writing a diary while listening to Britney Spears—how did no one talk to me about this?”
By the end of his memoir, Gage is in therapy. His therapist connects the dots—his shifting identities, needy relationships, and fear of abandonment—and diagnoses him with borderline personality disorder (BPD). Though Gage isn’t fond of labels, he acknowledges how helpful the diagnosis has been in understanding himself and his life choices. “Suddenly, all these confusing things made sense,” he says.
It was in therapy that Gage finally addressed his traumatic summer camp experience. Initially, he downplayed it, but his therapist pushed him to confront it. “She asked, ‘You’re in your 20s now—would you do that with an 11-year-old?’ It wasn’t until she put it so bluntly that I had to really face it.”
So, is this a neat ending—facing his demons, a diagnosis to explain his past, and a bright future ahead? Not quite. In early 2023, Gage met celebrity hairstylist Chris Appleton. They fell hard for each other and married that April, with Kim Kardashian officiating and Shania Twain performing “You’re Still the One.” By November, Gage had filed for divorce.
“One of the tricky things with BPD is that they initially prescribe a lot of medication,” Gage explains. Instead of calming his impulsivity, it made him manic. Now, his medication is better adjusted, and he’s learned to recognize that “you should a) probably get to know someone through all four seasons before settling down, and b) listen to your loved ones when…”You’re saying, ‘Hey, you need to take a moment.’ I believe I can do that now, and I have been since then.
‘I’m still a work in progress.’
The thing is, Gage doesn’t particularly want his book to have a tidy ending. “My life is uneven, and I wanted it to be honest rather than clean,” he says. “I’m still a work in progress. I’m still going to make mistakes and mess up and not be the best partner, friend, or family member. But I can acknowledge it now and welcome criticism instead of resisting it.”
Despite knowing there will be rough patches, he’s excited about the future. Writing interests him—not another book for a while, as that drained him, but he’s just sold a screenplay that he’s eager to announce soon.
I wonder if he has any concerns about releasing this memoir while he’s still climbing the ladder of fame. Could all these messy stories deter potential employers from hiring him?
“There was a part of me that did want to tone it down a little,” he admits. “But I wanted it to be truthful and show people who don’t have it all together, who didn’t have a cookie-cutter upbringing, that they can do this too, and that some of the messiness is actually what makes you unique.”
Besides, he says, “I don’t think I am a liability. I’m good at my job, I’m responsible, I never miss anything, I’m never late for work, I’m never a mean person.”
Well, look at that, I say. We started the interview with you saying you didn’t rate your acting and ended with you admitting that, actually, you’re pretty good at your job.
“Yeah, we had an arc,” Gage says with a knowing smile. “There you go. Full of contradictions, once again.”
In the UK, the NSPCC offers support to children on 0800 1111, and adults concerned about a child on 0808 800 5000. The National Association for People Abused in Childhood (Napac) offers support for adult survivors on 0808 801 0331. In the US, call or text the Childhelp abuse hotline on 800-422-4453. In Australia, children, young adults, parents, and teachers can contact the Kids Helpline on 1800 55 1800, or Bravehearts on 1800 272 831, and adult survivors can contact Blue Knot Foundation on 1300 657 380. Other sources of help can be found at Child Helplines International. “I Wrote This For Attention” by Lukas Gage is published on 14 October (£20, 4th Estate). To buy a copy for £18, go to guardianbookshop.com.
Frequently Asked Questions
Of course Here is a list of FAQs about the topic Messiness sets you apart based on Lukas Gages discussions about medication trauma his memoir and filming a candid sex scene
General Beginner Questions
Q What does messiness sets you apart mean
A Its the idea that your perceived flaws past struggles and unfiltered experiences arent weaknessestheyre what make you unique interesting and resilient
Q Who is Lukas Gage
A Hes an actor known for his roles in TV shows like The White Lotus and You who has recently been open about his personal life mental health and career
Q What is Lukas Gages memoir about
A Its a personal account of his life detailing his childhood family trauma his journey in Hollywood and his experiences with mental health and medication
Questions About Medication Mental Health
Q Why has Lukas Gage been open about taking medication
A He wants to reduce the stigma around mental health showing that using medication is a valid and helpful tool for managing wellbeing just like any other medical treatment
Q What kind of medication does he discuss
A He has talked about taking antidepressants to help manage his mental health
Q Whats the main benefit of being open about medication according to him
A The main benefit is normalizing the conversation It helps others feel less alone and encourages them to seek help without shame
Q Whats a common problem or misconception about medication that he addresses
A A common misconception is that taking medication is a crutch or a sign of weakness He reframes it as a proactive step for selfcare and stability
Questions About Trauma His Memoir
Q What type of trauma has Lukas Gage discussed
A He has spoken about a difficult childhood including his mothers struggle with addiction and the impact of his parents divorce
Q How does he connect trauma to messiness
A He suggests that working through his traumatic past rather than hiding it has shaped who he is as a person and an artist That messy history is part of his story
