At the start of The Roses, a counselor asks a couple to list what they love about each other. It’s a struggle. “He has arms” is about the best they can manage. The actors playing them, however, are far less reserved. Before I even ask, they’re already sharing highlights. “I love your hair,” Olivia Colman tells Benedict Cumberbatch. “Short at the sides! Brilliant!” It’s their first time working together in years. They chat about school breaks and gardening. She fusses over his dislocated shoulder; he compliments her suit.
Alright, enough sentimentality. What do they dislike about each other?
“Tricky,” says Cumberbatch thoughtfully. “I hate how…”
Colman groans. “Oh God, he’s going to say ‘I hate, but in a nice way.’”
“Fuuuck,” he says. “I hate how she’s always five steps ahead of me. I hate how predictable I am around Olivia, and I hate how grumpy and awful I feel next to her boundless joy.”
He adds that he’s been her “proud friend” for a long time—he even jumped out of bed in his pajamas to celebrate with her when Yorgos Lanthimos’s The Favourite won big at the Baftas. Her intuition, he says, is “extraordinary. It’s all just there, not overworked—a very raw talent.”
“That’s one of the things I love about Ben,” Colman chimes in.
“Because I do the heavy talking?” he asks.
“It means I can have a cup of tea. Maybe do some emails. But also, I want to hold your hand and say, ‘Don’t be so hard on yourself.’” She pats him. “Because you are.”
“Yeah,” he nods, a little embarrassed. “I do do that.”
“But you are amazing. Really good and wonderful. I wish you could just say, ‘I’m great!’ I’m going to sign you up for a workshop. No! Let’s go on a walking holiday together! I’ll hold your hand the whole time, and you’ll end up so happy.” She lets out a wild laugh.
He joins in: “I’ll walk off a cliff because I won’t be scared of death anymore.”
“We won’t go anywhere with hills or cliffs,” Colman says. “We’ll just come back to my house every night for loads of pasta. We’ll take big loop walks. You can’t get lost if you always turn left.”
He laughs; she beams. “When Ben’s face lights up, his whole body shakes. It’s truly joyful working with him. Oh, this is getting too sweet, isn’t it?” The door opens, and something green and intense in a glass is brought in. “Oh fuck, here comes my pretentious matcha,” Cumberbatch says sheepishly.
“What color is your pee after that?” Colman asks.
He grins. “I’ll show you.”
The Roses is less bitter than its source material: Warren Adler’s 1981 novel The War of the Roses and Danny DeVito’s 1989 film adaptation starring Michael Douglas and Kathleen Turner. Gone is the near-rape, the almost-murder, and the scene where Douglas’s lawyer urinates on the fish Turner’s aspiring caterer has prepared for a tasting.
In the 2025 film, her character is now a chef, and his is an architect. The couple moves from London to California with their young twins. Her career takes off while his plummets. She’s on magazine covers; he’s dealing with head lice.
Still, their relationship only deteriorates so far: Ivy and Theo do kind of want to stay together. But if they can’t, they each definitely want to keep sole ownership of the stylish beach villa he designed and she paid for.
Screenwriter Tony McNamara, an Australian best known for his work with Yorgos Lanthimos (including The Favourite), believes capitalism is the real issue. “It’s become part of marriage,” he said earlier that morning. “Both partners have to work. In the ’60s and ’70s, we might have been less emotionally articulate, but it’s harder today because of the expectation that you have to find fulfillment in your career.”He says it’s “ridiculous” to try balancing the desire to be special and unique with the responsibilities of a partner, children, and a mortgage. Theo channels his own thwarted ambition into his children, pushing them to become athletic prodigies. McNamara notes, “It’s really hard for men because they’re raised to define themselves through ego-driven success. When that’s taken away, they often make their children the measure of their success.”
Ivy enjoys her own success but begins to envy Theo’s close bond with their twins. McNamara adds, “When she had the opportunity, her ego was just as big as his, and she couldn’t balance it either.”
One could interpret The Roses in a starkly traditionalist way—as a cautionary tale about the dangers of swapping gender roles, or even about the pitfalls of progress itself.
When I share these theories with Colman, she responds, “Steady on, Tony. In the ’60s and ’70s, women weren’t really encouraged to…” She pauses, then slips into a warm Australian accent: “Oh yeah! I didn’t mean that… I’m gonna get in so much trouble.”
Cumberbatch offers a defense: “Look, there was an idealism in the ’60s, the early stirrings of equality…” Colman counters, “Women have always thought about equality.” Cumberbatch continues, “But then came open relationships and shifting gender roles. I think we’re in an era where we’re trying to have it all.”
Colman agrees firmly: “What I like about this is it’s not about genders—it’s about roles at home. It could be a same-sex couple.” She pauses, then adds, “Honestly, it could all have been solved with a nanny.”
Cumberbatch brightens: “I thought that too at one point. Even though they hate each other, there’s no issue of trust—they’re not unfaithful. The nanny could have played with that dynamic.” Colman exclaims excitedly, “You could have had a fling with a nanny! Or I could. Dammit!” Cumberbatch replies with a hint of a grimace, “Missed opportunity.”
Jay Roach, the director of The Roses, has the calm smile and open gaze of a couples therapist—a career he once considered if his films (like Meet the Parents and Austin Powers) hadn’t taken off. “I take on projects to work through my own issues,” he says. “I’m fascinated by what makes a relationship work or what dooms it.”
The Roses also reflects his interest in the special relationship between the U.S. and the U.K. “I’ve always had an inferiority complex,” he admits, “especially around British people. They’re so much wittier and more articulate. Olivia and Benedict are hilariously dark and insulting, even off-camera.”
In the film, Ivy and Theo’s sharp, brittle banter contrasts with the blunt, sometimes spectacular frankness of their American friends, played by Andy Samberg and Kate McKinnon, and Jamie Demetriou and Zoë Chao. Roach explains, “When Ivy and Theo are harsh with each other, it’s almost their love language. When Americans try it, they’re just bad at it.”
Both Cumberbatch and Colman are popular in the U.S. and are seen as quintessentially British—a perception reinforced by Colman’s Oscar acceptance speech for Best Actress. (“Brilliant!” says Cumberbatch, bringing it up unprompted. “Like Olivia times eleven.”)
Cumberbatch seems more enamored with the U.S. than Colman. “You don’t have to stay in your lane over there,” he says. “You can keep evolving.” He reflects on how history often portrays Britons as refined and Americans as brutes—a stereotype the film subtly challenges.
He also questions the film’s implication that Americans don’t grasp subtlety or nuance in communication.It’s ironic. “It plays into that cliché: Brits say things to each other that are actually quite cruel, cold, and sharp—and Americans just find it funny. But maybe that’s changed. Look at the whole roasting trend…”
“They’ve taken it way too far,” says Colman. “Brutally cruel. Not witty at all.”
Do they tone down their swearing outside England? “Oh, I get even worse,” says Colman. “The first time I was in America, my team nervously told me, ‘We know you like the c-word, but we can’t use that here.’ Then, during an interview with the LA Times, I was asked about David Tennant and I said, ‘Oh, total cunt!’ You could see everyone’s faces just go pale. It’s because I’d been told not to.”
“It’s that rebellious schoolkid thing, isn’t it?” says Cumberbatch.
“Yeah,” she replies. “Everybody wants to say ‘cunt.’ It’s a great word.”
Even Colman has her limits, though. A few years ago, she was bathing her train-obsessed young son and spelling out words for him with foam letters on the tiles. He asked for “Fat Controller,” from Thomas the Tank Engine. She’d gotten as far as “fat c-” when her husband walked in, looking horrified. “Idiot! I wasn’t going to write ‘fat cunt’ on the bath!”
The two drift off on a tangent, raving about Brio trains (Colman: “The bridges!”; Cumberbatch: “So satisfying!”) and comparing notes on children’s books that seem less appealing once you’re a parent.
“I took a quick look at the Mr. Men books,” says Cumberbatch. “And oh my God—Mr. Chatterbox basically gets gagged and laughed at by the postman. Can you imagine teaching a child that’s okay? Just shut someone up with a mask.”
“And Mr. Nosey!” adds Colman. “You shouldn’t be nosy, but they kind of hurt him.”
“Lots of consent issues with Mr. Tickle, too.”
Colman thinks the series should be repurposed as teaching tools. “Everyone gets a red flag to wave when they spot inappropriate behavior.”
Both Colman and Cumberbatch are in famously happy marriages. She’s been with writer Ed Sinclair since university, and they have three children, as do Cumberbatch and his wife, theater director Sophie Hunter. Do they think we romanticize love?
“By its very nature, yes,” says Cumberbatch. “And I think that’s fine.”
“I love love,” Colman says cheerfully. “I like to romanticize it. I think it’s great.”
Cumberbatch leans back. There’s a bit of a pattern here: she says something bright and concise, and he reflects on it more deeply, exploring the other side.
“Classical ideas have given us this romantic ideal of love,” he says, “which is impossible to live up to. Those two things struggle against each other: it’s wonderful to fall in love, but eventually one of you will be exhausted and taking out the trash.”
“And then you take turns,” Colman says briskly, “and step up to help.”
“But that’s just it. There has to be something real beyond the idealism of vows.” He speaks fondly about his wedding. “It’s such a powerful thing to express love and have it reflected back by friends and family. But to find something beyond that intense moment, you have to think more deeply than just the celebration of love.”
“Three more matchas!” Colman says, impressed.
In the film, Theo says he feels “great waves of dizzying hatred” for his wife. Is that incompatible with love? Cumberbatch takes a moment. “Wow, this feels like a Trojan horse into our private lives. When you live closely with someone, you experience all of life’s extremes. That’s really what love is: getting through them together.”
Frequently Asked Questions
Of course Here is a list of FAQs based on the quote from Benedict Cumberbatch and Olivia Colman
General Understanding
Q What is the original quote about marriage from Benedict Cumberbatch and Olivia Colman
A The full quote is Love is wonderful But then one of you will be exhausted and taking out the trash They were discussing the reality of longterm relationships
Q What does the quote one of you will be exhausted and taking out the trash actually mean
A It means that a successful marriage isnt just about grand romantic gestures Its built on the small often unglamorous daily acts of support especially when youre tired or dont feel like it
Q Is this a pessimistic view of marriage
A Not at all Its a realistic and hopeful one It suggests that true strength comes from supporting each other through the mundane and difficult times not just enjoying the easy ones
Deeper Meaning Application
Q How does taking out the trash relate to making a marriage work
A It symbolizes shared responsibility and partnership Its about doing the necessary often thankless chores to keep your shared life running smoothly showing youre a team
Q Whats the difference between love and the exhausted part of the quote
A Love is the feeling and the foundation The exhausted part is the actionthe conscious choice to show up for your partner and contribute even when youre tired and the feeling of love isnt front and center
Q Does this mean the romance disappears in a long marriage
A No It means romance is supported by a foundation of practical care and mutual respect The romance is in the easy moments the partnership is proven in the hard ones
Practical Tips Common Problems
Q What are some realworld examples of taking out the trash in a marriage
A Examples include handling a nighttime feeding with the baby so your partner can sleep making dinner after a long day when its not your turn listening to your partner vent about work even when youre tired or simply doing a chore without being asked
Q Whats a common problem this quote addresses
