It’s quite something that Thames Valley Police has announced its investigation into Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor for misconduct in public office is also looking at possible charges like corruption and sexual misconduct. On Friday, they made a public appeal for potential victims and witnesses to come forward.
Obviously, the best time for the police to have quietly started asking questions was right after Metropolitan police officers—Andrew’s close protection team—drove him back from a London nightclub to a house with some friends in their 40s and one young-looking 17-year-old girl. They waited outside until he decided it was time to go home. But as they say, the second-best time is now. Actually, no—the second-best time was probably when Andrew reportedly paid £12 million to settle out of court with Virginia Giuffre, even though he claimed he didn’t remember meeting her. (He denies any wrongdoing.) Oh wait, the second-best time was when leaked emails suggested the former prince gave his Met close protection officer Giuffre’s birthdate and US social security number and asked him to run checks on her. Sorry, wrong again—the second-best time was a full 12 years ago, when Giuffre alleged she was sex trafficked to and assaulted by Andrew on that night, as well as on two other occasions.
What are we supposed to say now? Well done, officers? Better late than never? Give me a break. Virginia Giuffre took her own life just over a year ago at a remote Australian farmhouse, unable to escape her demons. She was 41. But she spent a very, very long time—almost a third of her life—trying to get people to act on what she was saying about a man who was literally protected by serving law enforcement officers. The Met never opened a full investigation into her claims.
You hear a lot about pressure on police numbers and how it affects service delivery. But imagine if you had at least two police officers right there on the scene, often inside the house, in all sorts of “odd” situations around the world, with nothing to do but watch and wait for hours. They might have wondered what His Highness was up to, or—just as an example—why they were asked to provide private security for a dinner party at the New York mansion of a man recently released from prison for soliciting prostitution from a minor. Did anything about what these officers were asked to do ever strike them as weird or possibly even legally questionable? Of course it must have. Did they or their superiors do anything meaningful about it? Of course they didn’t. Andrew’s various homes were only finally searched in 2026, and reportedly, evidence of interest was found during those searches.
The only reason certain people and institutions in the British establishment have now become comfortable treating this case as they should have all along is that not doing so would be more damaging to them now. But they spent nearly 15 years not doing so. None of this has ever been about doing “the right thing”—it has always been about protecting their own interests, whether it’s the monarchy or the police. And that goes for the politicians too, who seem to have spent forever accepting guidance or nods about how things have to be, instead of demanding that this was nonsense and things shouldn’t be like that at all.
As for the police, it’s still a grimly fascinating possibility that they waited for Andrew’s mother to die before properly tackling this issue. According to various careful statements on Friday, they believe there might be other witnesses or people with useful information out there. Gosh, after all this time, I don’t know where you’d start. Met police employment records?
We now know that the late queen,Who pushed so hard for Andrew to get the trade envoy role, presumably to keep him out of trouble? Great job, etc. Looking back at a column I wrote in 2015 (I’ve been covering this topic for a long time), I mentioned that I always assumed that job “was just some cushy position designed to keep the queen’s second son busy between golf games, without any annoying ordinary people making a fuss about who was paying for the helicopters.” But according to the Andrew papers released this week, his team seems to have actively tried to stop him from playing golf on his overseas trips. One briefing note says: “Captain Blair [Andrew’s then personal private secretary] specifically asked that the Duke of York should not be offered golfing functions abroad.” Oh dear. There’s a reason why football managers, trophy wives—and apparently, worried royal mothers—prefer it when their headstrong charges are playing golf. It’s because when they’re doing that, they’re not doing any of the other “things.” What were you thinking, Captain Blair?! Andrew should ALWAYS have been golfing, because if he wasn’t, there was a strong chance he might have been messing up Britain’s interests, setting up shady private business deals, or getting involved in other activities that are even less mentionable.
No doubt we’ll hear much more from the police about what’s constantly called an “unprecedented investigation.” But you know what’s better than an unprecedented investigation? A precedented one. This should absolutely have been precedented, and doing it now—for the public service equivalent of clout—is nothing to brag about.
Marina Hyde’s new book, What a Time to be Alive!, is out in September (Guardian Faber Publishing, £20). To support the Guardian, order your signed copy at guardianbookshop.com. Delivery charges may apply.
Marina Hyde is a Guardian columnist.
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Frequently Asked Questions
Here is a list of FAQs about the statement Heres a possible witness for the police officers looking into Andrew the police themselves Marina Hyde
BeginnerLevel Questions
Q What does this quote mean in simple terms
A Marina Hyde is making a sarcastic joke Shes saying that if the police are investigating Prince Andrew the most obvious witness they should talk to is the police themselves This implies the police already have the information or that the investigation is pointless
Q Who is Marina Hyde
A Shes a British journalist and columnist for The Guardian known for her sharp witty and often sarcastic commentary on politics royalty and scandals
Q Why would the police be a witness against Prince Andrew
A The joke is that the police have already been involved in or aware of the controversies surrounding Andrew Hyde is suggesting the police dont need to look far for evidencethey are the evidence
Q Is this a serious statement or a joke
A Its a satirical joke The tone is sarcastic meant to highlight the absurdity of the situation not to offer a literal legal suggestion
Advanced Contextual Questions
Q What specific scandal or investigation is this quote referring to
A It refers to the 20212022 investigations into Prince Andrews links to convicted sex offender Jeffrey Epstein and the civil lawsuit filed by Virginia Giuffre The quote mocks the idea that police would need to find outside witnesses when they themselves were already involved in the case
Q Does this quote imply the police are corrupt or complicit
A Yes indirectly Hydes sarcasm suggests that the police either ignored or mishandled the case from the start By saying the police themselves are the witness she implies they have inside knowledge of their own failures
Q How does this fit into Marina Hydes typical writing style
A Hyde often uses this technique she takes a logical premise and twists it into a punchline Its a classic example of her ironic repetition style where she repeats the obvious to expose hypocrisy
