Jay Spring sometimes believes he is “the greatest person on planet Earth.” The 22-year-old from Los Angeles has been diagnosed with narcissism, and during his most grandiose moments, he admits, “it can get really delusional.” He describes feeling on top of the world, thinking, “Everyone’s going to realize I’m better than them… I’ll do great things for the world.”
For Spring, these episodes of self-importance are often followed by a “crash,” where he feels emotional and ashamed of his behavior, becoming especially sensitive to criticism. He first suspected he might have narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) after researching his symptoms online and later received a professional diagnosis. However, he doubts he would have accepted the diagnosis if he hadn’t already reached that conclusion himself. “If you try to tell someone they have this disorder, they’ll probably deny it,” he says, particularly if they share his feelings of superiority. “They’re living in a delusional world they’ve created for themselves, where they’re the greatest and no one can question them.”
Although people have been called narcissists for over a century, the term isn’t always clearly understood. “Everyone calls everybody a narcissist,” notes W Keith Campbell, a psychology professor at the University of Georgia and an expert on narcissism. He believes the word is overused, but when it comes to a formal diagnosis, many people hide it due to the stigma attached. According to Campbell, a narcissist typically has “an inflated self-view,” “a lack of empathy,” and a tendency to use others to boost their self-esteem or social status by seeking admiration, showing off possessions, or pursuing power. Those with NPD can be “extremely narcissistic,” to the extent that they struggle to maintain stable relationships, their work suffers, and they have a “distorted view of reality.”
While up to 75% of people diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder are men, recent research from the University of London suggests this doesn’t mean fewer women are narcissistic. Instead, female narcissism often appears in a covert form, also known as vulnerable narcissism, which is less frequently diagnosed. “Men’s narcissism tends to be a bit more accepted, just like many things in society,” says 23-year-old Kaelah Oberdorf from Atlanta, who shares her experiences with NPD and borderline personality disorder (BPD) on TikTok. It’s not unusual for these two disorders to occur together.
“I really struggle with handling criticism and rejection,” Oberdorf explains, “because if I’m told the problem is me, I either get defensive or shut down completely.” Despite this reaction—sometimes called “narcissistic injury”—she has been working to overcome it and listen to advice from loved ones, as she doesn’t want to repeat her past harmful behaviors. “I was very emotionally abusive to my partners as a teenager,” she admits. Through dialectical behavior therapy, she has managed to reduce her NPD symptoms, and she and her current boyfriend have an agreement: “If I say something messed up or manipulative, he calls it out right then and there.”
Oberdorf was raised mainly by her father and says she lacked positive role models in her childhood. “I’ve been learning all this time what is and isn’t appropriate to say during an argument because I never had that guidance growing up,” she shares. “Nothing was off-limits when my family members were in conflict.”Kaelah Oberdorf recalls, “Nothing was off-limits when family members insulted me during my childhood.”
Personality disorders often have roots in childhood challenges. According to Tennyson Lee, an NHS consultant psychiatrist at the DeanCross personality disorder service in London, there is a genetic factor involved. However, the development of narcissistic traits is frequently tied to a person’s early environment. He explains that these traits served as a survival strategy in youth, possibly due to neglect or receiving love only when certain conditions were met. As adults, individuals continue to rely on these same coping mechanisms.
John, a 38-year-old from Leeds (not his real name), believes his parents might also be narcissists. He remembers his childhood as being centered around his parents’ work and social lives, leaving him feeling he should stay out of their way. When they did focus on him, it was with intense pressure to excel academically and professionally, making him feel inadequate if he didn’t meet their expectations.
As an adult, John struggled with relationships, admitting he never truly cared about anyone or took them seriously until he met his current partner of three years, who has borderline personality disorder (BPD). She understands his emotional struggles and was the first to suspect he might have narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).
After consulting his GP, John was diagnosed by a clinical psychologist and referred for talking therapy on the NHS. Lee notes that long-term therapy is the only proven treatment for NPD, but John has been on a waiting list for a year and a half, with an estimated start date in February or March next year.
John has shared his diagnosis with only a few people due to the stigma that all narcissists are abusers, but he has accepted it privately. He finds it helpful for self-understanding. Like others interviewed, he is seeking help and willing to discuss his condition, which may not represent all individuals with NPD. The rise of NPD content creators like Oberdorf and Lee Hammock, along with online support communities, indicates more people are openly addressing their struggles and the impact on others.
Phteven_j, a 37-year-old software engineer and moderator of the r/NPD subreddit, joined online conversations to find solidarity and coping strategies. He and fellow moderators aim to foster a positive environment that discourages disordered behavior and promotes improvement. While he admits his role as a moderator satisfies a desire for authority—a possible symptom of NPD—he believes the subreddit is largely beneficial.
However, the platform also attracts users who want to vent about narcissists, sometimes expressing hostility.The existence of a subreddit that serves as a support group for narcissists is “constant,” he says. Across the internet, narcissists are often portrayed as almost like supervillains, with stories typically shared from the perspective of those who have been abused by someone they believe to be a narcissist. “The advice is usually the same: run away, you have to leave them, never speak to them again,” the moderator explains.
Oberdorf also criticizes how narcissism is discussed online. Social media users have accused her of “bragging” about her personality disorders because she lists them in her profiles and talks about them in her content. “I’m not bragging about having a debilitating mental illness,” she says. “I’m proud that I’ve survived with mental illnesses that, statistically, could have taken my life.” She is eager to open up more conversations about NPD, stating, “Stigma is the worst thing for any illness ever.”
In an age of selfies and thirst traps, it may seem like narcissism is on the rise. However, just because there are more outlets for narcissistic behavior, the prevalence of the clinical condition doesn’t appear to be increasing, Lee notes. Campbell adds that it’s worth noting “social media is making people feel worse about themselves,” and for most people, “it doesn’t make them feel positive about themselves or think they’re awesome.”
According to Lee, the way NPD diagnoses are made is “suboptimal.” Most research on NPD has been conducted in the US, where a paper by the American Psychiatric Association estimates the disorder affects 1%–2% of the population. “If a diagnosis is made, it’s based on the DSM-5 guidelines, which only capture one aspect of narcissism—the more overt, aggressive type—but not the covert or sensitive form,” Lee explains.
There are two commonly discussed types of narcissism. The first is “grandiose” or “overt” narcissism, which manifests in stereotypical behaviors like aggression and attention-seeking. The second is “vulnerable” or “covert” narcissism, which Lee describes as “the kind of individual a clinician might miss because they often appear more contained, even self-effacing at times.” He adds that grandiose and vulnerable narcissism are “different sides of the same coin.” Both types have an inflated sense of their own importance, but for a covert narcissist, this may mean hypersensitivity to criticism or a victim mentality rather than a desire to be in the spotlight.
Campbell points out that there is a risk of narcissists “using social media to maintain their narcissism,” as it can be a tool “to get favorable attention or positive feedback.” However, he also sees the benefit of positive role models and support for people with NPD. When a celebrity, such as American comedian Nick Cannon in 2024, “comes out with NPD and says it’s causing me problems, that’s a great message,” Campbell emphasizes.
Lee is also cautious about using social media for education or as a support system for people with NPD “because there’s so much misinformation.” But he believes that “more structured” information is lacking, particularly in the NHS. “Services for narcissistic individuals are very uneven throughout the UK,” and “many clinicians don’t diagnose narcissism,” Lee says, partly because they aren’t trained to recognize it and partly out of reluctance.Doctors are often hesitant to diagnose a condition that carries such a negative stigma. Additionally, the traits of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) mean that if someone with strong narcissistic tendencies is managing their life successfully, they are unlikely to seek treatment. When individuals with NPD do seek help, it’s usually because they’ve faced negative outcomes from their behavior or have been urged by a partner or family member.
Spring suggests we should change our perspective on narcissists. He explains that a narcissist tries to convince themselves they are the best as a way to cope with feeling like they are the worst. They may feel something is fundamentally wrong with them and escape into a fantasy where they are the hero, perhaps to make up for feeling like the villain in their childhood.
While NPD clearly requires psychological support, Oberdorf empathizes with why those affected avoid seeking it. If you’re constantly told that people with your specific issue are unworthy, evil, or horrible because of it, why would you ever want to admit you have that problem?
Frequently Asked Questions
Of course Here is a list of FAQs about living with a narcissism diagnosis designed to be clear direct and destigmatizing
Understanding the Diagnosis
Q1 What does it actually mean to be diagnosed with narcissism
A It means a mental health professional has identified a longterm pattern in you characterized by a need for excessive admiration a lack of empathy and a grandiose sense of selfimportance Its a personality disorder not just a personality trait
Q2 Is narcissism the same as being selfish or arrogant
A Not exactly While selfishness is a behavior Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a deeply ingrained mental health condition that affects how a person thinks feels and relates to others Its more complex and pervasive
Q3 Are there different types of narcissism
A Yes Common types include grandiose narcissism and vulnerable narcissism Many people show a mix of both
Living with the Diagnosis
Q4 Can a person with narcissism ever change or get better
A Yes but it is very challenging Change requires immense selfawareness a genuine desire to improve and longterm professional therapy Its a difficult journey but progress is possible
Q5 I just got diagnosed Whats the first step I should take
A The first and most crucial step is to learn about the diagnosis without judgment Educate yourself and if youre ready find a therapist who specializes in personality disorders Be patient and compassionate with yourself
Q6 What are the biggest challenges of living with NPD
A Common challenges include maintaining stable relationships handling criticism without becoming defensive feeling deepseated emptiness or shame and struggling with genuine intimacy
Q7 Is it possible for someone with NPD to have healthy relationships
A It is difficult but can be improved with therapy Learning skills like empathy active listening and taking responsibility for ones actions are key to building healthier connections
Q8 Why is there so much stigma around this diagnosis
A The stigma exists because the behaviors associated with NPD can be very hurtful to others Many peoples only exposure to narcissism is
