Keith Siegel spent many long hours in Hamas captivity in Gaza committing everything that happened after 7 October 2023 to memory. For 484 days, he recited to himself every place he was held, the dates he was moved, and every attack or humiliation he endured or witnessed. He wanted to store information that could help Israeli forces free other hostages if he was released, to keep track of time as the days slipped by, and to be able to tell his family what happened to him. Now his body is free, but he cannot let go of those memories. “I’m living a kind of dual life,” he said in an interview in Tel Aviv. “I’m here some of the time, and I’m in Gaza some of the time. It’s very hard to put into words what it was like.”
Siegel and his wife, Aviva, were among 251 people taken captive to Gaza on the deadliest day in Israel’s history, when Hamas militants crossed the border and launched a wave of attacks on kibbutzim, border towns, military bases, and music festivals. Israel’s security forces were caught by surprise, and by the time they regained control of the area, 1,209 people had been killed, most of them civilians, including 36 children, according to records kept by the Israeli newspaper Haaretz.
The cemetery at Nir Oz contains two rows of fresh headstones, marking lives that all ended on the same date. A shared plot for a family of five—a mother, father, and their three young children—has been turned into a garden, with space left for their still-living grandparents. Caretaker Shlomo Margalit, who will soon turn 89, points to the graves of three of his oldest friends, founding members of the kibbutz who came to Nir Oz from Haifa with him in the 1950s. “This is my life’s project, as well as my home,” Margalit said, explaining why he has returned to a place of such loss. He is waiting for a new house but, for now, is staying in the former home of Gadi Moses, 82, who survived 482 days as a hostage.
The graves he tends are a silent testament to the brutality of the attacks and the scale of the state’s failure, which in Nir Oz was staggering, even on a day of terrible failures. A five-person volunteer defence force held Hamas at bay for at least two hours, Margalit said. When they had all been shot, the kibbutz was overrun and looted, homes burned, families slaughtered and kidnapped. Then, before the first Israeli soldier arrived, the Hamas forces, other Palestinian gunmen, and civilian looters all left. Nir Oz had been forgotten by the army and torn apart without the military firing a single shot to defend it. In total, 47 people were killed and 76 taken to Gaza, including Shiri Bibas, her 10-month-old baby Kfir, and four-year-old Ariel, who were killed in Gaza. The dead and hostages represented more than a quarter of the small community.
Revisiting that terrible day, and the trauma that followed, is painful and exhausting for Margalit, but he still accepts interviews for a simple reason. “I want people to know what really happened here,” the 89-year-old said. The third anniversary of the 7 October attacks falls a few weeks before national elections, and much of the country is caught up in a furious debate about responsibility for the deadliest day in Israel’s history and the conduct of the war that followed. Survivors and bereaved relatives are avoiding the political fray, still grappling with the trauma and the struggle to rebuild something like normality. In Nir Oz, there is a terrible, almost irreconcilableThere is a difficult struggle between rebuilding the kibbutz as a living community and preserving the physical evidence of the attack. Freed Israeli hostage Aviva Siegel spoke about Netanyahu’s unbearable strategy and waiting for her husband to return. The cemetery echoes with construction sounds, and families have already moved into several rows of new houses near the kibbutz entrance. But on the other side of the compound, paths still wind between blackened ruins and memorials to the dead. Some grieving survivors want their loved ones’ homes preserved as permanent monuments to their loss. “There are families that can’t bear to live here, but want a memorial place to visit,” Margalit said. “On the other hand, can you build a new kibbutz where children grow up running around between burnt houses?” He serves on the remembrance committee, and two years later, they are still struggling to decide this impossible question. “Is there right or wrong here? No,” he said. “We are dealing with that, trying to find an answer.” One possible compromise is a memorial garden on the edge of the kibbutz. For now, there are plaques telling the stories of families attacked that day and a memorial house to remember the dead and kidnapped. When the kibbutz collectively decided to return and rebuild, Margalit and his wife, Hanna, knew they wanted to join. His only concession to the trauma was asking for a new home that did not face Gaza. About 60% of the houses in Nir Oz were destroyed on 7 October, and some families have decided not to return. “I’ve found myself building this place for the second time,” he said. “I know when I’m gone, I will have done something with my life. I took part in putting this spot on the map.” The Siegels, who lived in the nearby kibbutz of Kfar Aza, also among the worst hit, have decided not to return as they focus on mental and physical recovery. Aviva was 62 when she was kidnapped. Keith was 64. “What happened to me in Gaza, what happened with Keith in Gaza, it’s there all the time,” said Aviva. “I understand that it’s going to be a process of healing. There’s always things that remind me, and if I don’t remember, then he reminds me. If I’m cooking lunch or making a cup of tea and I turn around and see Keith with tears in his eyes, because he just read something or let himself feel.” The days approaching the anniversary have been particularly difficult, she said. Last year at this time, she was still campaigning for the release of other hostages, her own emotions held at bay by the urgency of that campaign. For a time, she tried to deal with the trauma by telling herself, over and over again, “I must feel lucky,” simply because she had made it back alive. Now she has allowed herself to feel again, and as 7 October approached, she realized how raw the wounds still are. “Getting ready for the anniversary has been very, very painful,” she said. “The last couple of weeks all I want to do is cry. Now I’m feeling things I didn’t feel before.” Aviva Siegel has written a book about her ordeal, saying it was therapy and an act of celebration. “When I hear my grandson say he is afraid of being kidnapped in the middle of the night, it breaks my heart.” She has written a book, Survived to Tell, about the ordeal, which she describes as therapy and an act of celebration. She wrote it so her grandchildren could read about what she and Keith endured, for other hostages who couldn’t tell their own stories, and to inspire a broader audience in Israel and beyond. After the exhausting campaign to get Keith and other hostages home, she said she had struggled to concentrate on the election. Keith’s political focus is an independent inquiry into 7 October to prevent other families from suffering as his has. He said: “An investigation is needed to understand how this happened and to do everything possible to prevent it from happening again. So many people were killed, injured, and traumatized.”
Benjamin Netanyahu, the prime minister, has strongly opposed an independent state commission of inquiry. Critics say he fears it would expose his own failures.
In the immediate aftermath of the attacks, few people inside or outside Israel expected him to stay in power long, especially since the country’s coalition governments have rarely served out their full terms.
For years, Netanyahu had promoted a foreign and security policy based on the idea that Hamas was “contained” in Gaza, behind impenetrable layers of fortifications.
The security officials in command that day have all stepped down, yet three years later, Netanyahu is still in power, having deflected all demands for his resignation.
Yaakov Godo, a bereaved father, interrupted Netanyahu’s speech at this year’s official commemoration event to accuse him of negligence.
“You did not protect my son on 7 October, you did not protect 1,200 people murdered in one day. Shame!” he shouted before being led away.
View image in fullscreenThe back of Yocheved Lifshitz’s home in Nir Oz. She has become a vocal critic of Benjamin Netanyahu. Photograph: The Guardian
Both US and Israeli officials have said Netanyahu rejected ceasefire deals that could have halted the war in Gaza and brought many Israeli hostages home sooner. But criticizing the prime minister means entering a vicious political debate where age and loss offer little protection.
Yocheved Lifshitz, 88, was taken hostage from Nir Oz with her husband Oded, whose magnificent cactus garden blooms at the heart of the kibbutz. He died in Gaza; she survived, and since her return she has been a vocal critic of Netanyahu.
Itzik Bonzel, a candidate for Netanyahu’s Likud party, said last month that he wished he could turn back the clock and return her to Hamas captivity. He later apologized, blaming grief for his son who died fighting in Gaza, but Lifshitz denounced it as a proxy attack driven by the prime minister.
Netanyahu, who is battling a corruption trial and could be more vulnerable legally if he loses power, is pushing to intensify Israeli attacks on Gaza, and his coalition partners are calling for ethnic cleansing and annexation of Palestine.
View image in fullscreenThe graves of Oded Lifshitz and Alex (Alexander) Dancyg, who were abducted by Hamas on 7 October. Photograph: Quique Kierszenbaum/The Guardian
The war Israel launched in response to 7 October has killed more than 74,000 Palestinians, the majority of them civilians, including about 20,000 children.
Netanyahu has also waged a years-long campaign to dismantle institutions protecting democracy inside Israel’s 1967 borders. Palestinians under Israeli military rule in the occupied West Bank do not have the rights of Israeli citizens.
Many Israelis opposed to this rightwing vision of perpetual war in a state with diminished institutions consider this election the most critical since Israel was founded in 1948, among them Margalit.
Nir Oz, like many communities targeted by Hamas, had its roots in the leftwing Zionist movement, and although the brutality of 7 October pushed some to the right, others saw their pain as bitter proof that war alone cannot offer long-term security.
“I don’t believe we can ignore the fact that Palestinians live here,” Margalit said. “We have to find a way we can live here with them and be secure. I don’t have an answer, I just know we are here to stay and they are here to stay. Maybe we need someone from the outside.”
Frequently Asked Questions
Here is a list of FAQs regarding the trauma of 7 October survivors three years after the attacks
What does the trauma of 7 October survivors refer to
It refers to the ongoing psychological impact on people who lived through the Hamasled attacks on Israel on 7 October 2023 This includes survivors of the massacre hostages who were released residents of attacked communities and rescue workers
Why is the phrase All I want to do is cry used
It captures a common experience among trauma survivors overwhelming sadness grief and emotional exhaustion that persists long after the event Crying becomes a frequent sometimes uncontrollable response to daily life
What kinds of trauma did survivors experience
Survivors witnessed or endured violence death destruction of their homes kidnapping hiding for hours and loss of family members Many saw bodies heard gunfire and explosions or were held captive
Is it normal to still be traumatized three years later
Yes Trauma does not have a fixed timeline For many people symptoms can last for years especially after mass violence and ongoing regional conflict Three years is still relatively early for deep recovery
What is PTSD and do most survivors have it
PTSD is a mental health condition caused by experiencing or witnessing trauma It includes flashbacks nightmares avoidance hypervigilance and emotional numbness Many but not all survivors develop PTSD
What does complex trauma mean in this context
Complex trauma results from prolonged repeated traumatic eventsnot a single incident Survivors who were held hostage lost multiple family members or lived under constant threat may experience this more severe form
What are the most common symptoms three years on
Common symptoms include
Crying spells and deep sadness
Flashbacks and nightmares
Difficulty sleeping
Fear of loud noises or crowds
Guilt about surviving
Difficulty trusting people
Physical symptoms like headaches or fatigue
Why do some survivors feel worse now than right after the attacks
In the first months people often function on adrenaline and shock As that fades the full emotional weight can hit Also ongoing war reminders and anniversaries can retrigger symptoms
What does anniversary reaction mean
It means symptoms get worse around the date of the trauma
