Small Luk was initially thrilled to be offered genital reconstruction surgery at the age of eight. Doctors had informed her she was a boy but had an illness that prevented her from urinating standing up. “They told me this is a problem,” says the 60-year-old from Hong Kong, “and that in the future, you can’t marry or have children, so you need surgery.”
Having faced bullying at school for her ambiguous gender, she found the idea of being “fixed” to become normal very appealing. However, it wasn’t as straightforward as the doctors claimed: Luk had an underdeveloped uterus and vagina along with immature male genitals.
After more than 20 failed operations to lengthen her urethra, Luk, then 13, refused any further treatment. She recalls feeling extremely sad and lonely during that time and nearly took her own life twice. Among the few children who underwent similar surgeries at the same Hong Kong hospital in the 1970s, Luk was the only one who survived. She later discovered that most of the others had died by suicide.
It wasn’t until she was 36, after years of living as a man, that she learned she had partial androgen insensitivity syndrome (PAIS). This meant that although she had XY chromosomes typically associated with males, her body didn’t fully respond to testosterone and would never appear fully masculine. When doctors warned that keeping her male genitalia would significantly increase her cancer risk, Luk agreed to have them removed and began living legally as a woman. Now, alongside her work as a traditional Chinese medicine doctor, she is a passionate advocate for intersex rights worldwide, urging an end to genital surgeries on children before they can consent. “I really don’t want them to experience the same suffering,” she says.
The same plea is echoed in “The Secret of Me,” a new documentary by British filmmaker Grace Hughes-Hallett, which follows Jim Ambrose, born in Louisiana in 1976. Like Luk, Ambrose was born with genitals that, as he describes in the film, “fall outside of an arbitrary acceptable norm.” Doctors operated on him as an infant, removing his testes and constructing a vagina. His parents were advised to raise him as a girl and keep the procedure a secret. He was told he would need hormones as a teenager and underwent further surgery to make his genitals look more female as a young adult. However, explanations were scarce, and it was only through connecting with intersex groups that he fully understood what had happened to him.
The course of action his parents followed caused Ambrose immense distress—he never felt like a girl growing up, and it was devastating to learn that such major decisions about his body were made without his input. As an adult involved in intersex activism, he stopped taking estrogen. This led to dangerous consequences: without his testes, his body couldn’t produce sex hormones, and he developed osteopenia, a precursor to osteoporosis. A doctor told him he must either resume estrogen or start testosterone, and he chose the latter, not out of a desire to be male but because he was “pretty into having a functioning skeleton.” Testosterone suited him better, so he adopted a male name and pronouns and now lives happily as a man, though the documentary shows he remains deeply affected by his experiences.
“The Secret of Me” draws a direct link between the harmful treatment Ambrose endured and the work of psychologists.John Money’s theories on gender shaped medical advice for children born with atypical genitalia. In the 1960s, he studied Canadian twin boys, Bruce and Brian Reimer. After a failed circumcision left Bruce without a penis, Money convinced their parents to raise him as a girl named Brenda. He followed the children as they grew, presenting the experiment as a complete success and claiming Brenda was a happy, stereotypical girl, which he argued proved that gender could be shaped by upbringing.
In reality, Brenda was deeply unhappy living as a girl, a fact Money omitted from his reports. As an adult, Brenda transitioned to living as a man named David. Both brothers were traumatized by Money’s research, which included having them inspect each other’s genitals and simulate sexual acts as children. Tragically, both Brian and David took their own lives in their thirties. Although Money’s work was later discredited, it influenced medical treatment for children with ambiguous genitalia for years.
In the documentary “The Secret of Me,” Richard Carter, the surgeon who operated on Ambrose as an infant, apologizes to his former patient, explaining that he relied on textbooks featuring Money’s research.
While shocking today, Money’s proposal of a simple “fix” for babies with non-stereotypical sex characteristics was appealing then and may still hold some appeal now. Many parents seek clear gender labels from birth, and gender reconstruction surgery for infants with differences in sex development (DSD) remains legal in countries like the UK and the US.
However, practices have improved. An anonymous NHS pediatric doctor notes that in the UK, DSD cases are managed by specialized centers and reviewed by a panel led by a pediatric endocrinologist. A psychologist is involved in treatment planning, and the team leans toward avoiding surgery unless medically necessary, such as to prevent incontinence or cancer risk. Surgery for cosmetic reasons to make genitals appear more typically male or female is not performed before puberty.
The doctor adds that managing DSD also involves addressing parental expectations, as parents often drive the decision for surgery. He cautions that a blanket ban on childhood surgery for DSD could be harmful, given the wide range of conditions and treatments under the intersex or DSD umbrella. Estimates of the intersex population vary widely, from 0.018% to as high as 1.7%, comparable to the number of people with red hair. If surgery is deemed necessary, performing it early may mean the child is unaware of the procedure.
Frequently Asked Questions
Of course Here is a list of FAQs about the advocacy to restrict surgeries on intersex children framed around the core sentiment of I dont want anyone to endure what I went through
BeginnerLevel Questions
1 What does intersex mean
Intersex is a general term used for people born with sex characteristics that dont fit typical binary notions of male or female bodies
2 What kind of surgeries are we talking about
These are medically unnecessary surgeries performed on infants and young children to make their genitals or reproductive organs look more typically male or female This can include reducing the size of a clitoris constructing a vagina or moving undescended testicles
3 Why are these surgeries performed on children
Historically they were done based on the belief that it was necessary for a child to have a normallooking body and a clear gender identity often to reduce parental distress and social stigma
4 Whats the main problem with these surgeries
The surgeries are often irreversible and can cause permanent loss of sexual sensation scarring infertility pain and psychological trauma The child has no say in this lifealtering decision
5 What do advocates want instead
Advocates want to postpone these surgeries until the intersex person is old enough to understand the options and provide their own informed consent typically in their late teens
IntermediateLevel Questions
6 What do advocates mean by what I went through
They are referring to the lifelong physical and psychological consequences of these early surgeries which can include a loss of bodily autonomy feeling violated and needing lifelong medical care for issues caused by the initial surgery
7 Arent these surgeries medically necessary
In the vast majority of cases no These surgeries are about appearance and social conformity not about addressing an immediate health threat True medical emergencies like a blockage that prevents urination are extremely rare and are not the focus of the advocacy
8 How can you assign a gender to a baby if you dont do surgery
You simply raise the child as a boy or a girl just like any other child Gender identity is a deeply personal sense of self that develops over time regardless of anatomy Surgery doesnt guarantee a child will identify with the assigned gender
