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There was no warning, no time to figure out what he was getting into.
“The social worker left, the door closed, and Savannah was lying there in a carry cot, wrapped in a pink blanket. She looked so calm and comfortable, completely unaware of what had just happened.
“There was an eerie silence in the house. It was just me and her and a small suitcase with some belongings. I burst into tears. I’m a teacher, but teacher training doesn’t prepare you for looking after a baby.
“I didn’t know how to change a nappy. I didn’t have a pushchair or a cot. I didn’t know where she would sleep. I had nothing.”
A few hours earlier, Clive, a primary school headteacher, had taken a call at work from children’s services. He assumed it was about one of his pupils, but it was about his six-week-old niece. Would he, as a family member, take her into temporary care?
Savannah and Clive. ‘I said yes – and dealt with the consequences later.’ Photograph: Saskia Albers/Portray Your Story
“So I casually said, ‘Yeah, no problem. I’ll need to sort a few things out, so give me a couple of days.’ They said, ‘No, she needs to come to you today. We need to drop her off at four o’clock.’
“I asked, ‘Well, what happens if I don’t say yes today?’ They said they’d have to come up with ‘other options.’ So I started to panic: what if she goes into foster care or gets adopted? So I said yes – and dealt with the consequences later.”
“I went home and just sat there waiting. It was strange because I don’t think I’d ever been home at 3:30pm on a school day before. Then social care arrived and dropped her off. And that was that.
“I’d only ever focused on my career. I was always career-driven. Then a baby was thrust upon me that I’d never planned for.”
Clive, then 32, now admits he was naive about the consequences of the decision that changed his life. Nine years later, with the “temporary” stay having become permanent, “Uncle Clive” is Savannah’s legal guardian, though she is in regular contact with her birth parents. He adores her, and theirs is a heartwarming kinship success story. She still has the pink blanket. But the path, he admits, while joyful and fulfilling, has not always been smooth.
Clive is now Savannah’s legal guardian, and they have lived together for nine years. Photograph: Saskia Albers/Portray Your Story
“I would do it all again. It’s the best thing that could have happened for my niece. But at times it’s been quite isolating and exhausting.”
More than 141,000 children in England and Wales are like Savannah, being raised by kinship carers. These are usually relatives, like Clive, or family friends who step in to prevent children whose parents can no longer look after them from entering the care system.
Despite how much children’s services rely on kinship care – twice as many children enter kinship arrangements as are fostered – it remains surprisingly informal, with few of the practical, legal, and financial supports that come with fostering or adoption. Kinship care often seems invisible to policymakers.
Clive’s experience – being given just hours to make a life-changing decision about whether to take over care of a loved one – is far from unusual. A new survey by the care charity Kinship found that four in 10 carers were given less than an hour to decide. Another fifth had less than 24 hours.
Alan and Julie, both 65, wereAlan and Julie were given 10 minutes to decide whether they would take in their severely disabled granddaughter, Ella, who was 10 months old at the time. They had just returned home to Leeds after a holiday when social services called.
Ella, now nine, has lived with her grandparents Alan and Julie since she was 10 months old. Photograph: Saskia Albers/Portray Your Story
“They said: ‘This place closes in 10 minutes. We need to know if you’re prepared to take the child, or she’ll go into local authority care and you’ll probably never see her again,'” Alan recalls. “Of course, it was a no-brainer. We said we’d take her straight away, just as we would for any of our grandchildren.”
After making that split-second decision, almost all kinship carers say their lives change profoundly. The effects are wide-ranging and not always immediately obvious, and official support can be inconsistent or nonexistent. Overnight, there is an extra person in the home to feed and clothe, who may have experienced trauma and have special needs. There is often unexpected pressure on finances, carers’ health, and wider family relationships.
Many kinship carers give up work, often at the request of social services. Clive was terrified he would have to abandon his career. He worried he wouldn’t be able to pay the mortgage if that happened, and if he lost the house, Savannah would be taken into foster care.
He was lucky: his school was incredibly supportive and allowed him to work flexibly – he remembers bottle-feeding Savannah while leading a staff training session. He also has a strong network of friends and family. But he knows from support groups run by Kinship that other carers are not so fortunate.
Leasa, 56, and Oly, 57, from west London, say that after making the snap decision to care for their nephews, Jake and Luke, they had to fight for support they assumed would be automatic. With their own son at home, there were suddenly five people crammed into their tiny two-bedroom flat, but the council didn’t seem interested.
Leasa, Oly, Luke and Jake. ‘My mum thought I was crazy,’ says Leasa. Photograph: Saskia Albers/Portray Your Story
Oly remembers he had once asked about becoming a foster carer, but was told he had no chance because his home wasn’t big enough. That didn’t seem to matter when it came to kinship care. When he asked his housing association landlord about moving to a bigger flat, just before his nephews arrived, there was little sympathy. “I was told: ‘Why are you making your house overcrowded?'”
Leasa and Oly are still in the flat, and for the past five years, they have slept on a sofa bed in the lounge. The room is packed with storage boxes, and it’s also where the couple’s nephews do their homework. The arrangement works partly because Oly works night shifts and Leasa, who is a nanny, works during the day.
“Some of our friends sat us down and said: ‘What are you doing? Where will you find the money to look after these kids?’ My mum thought I was crazy,” says Leasa. “What people with the power to do something need to understand is that kinship care really does turn your life upside down, physically and emotionally.”
Looking back, Oly says they were naive. Eventually, with the help of a lawyer, they got a bigger financial allowance. They don’t regret becoming kinship carers for a minute, but the nagging feeling remains that social services exploited their goodwill.
“I feel a bit blindsided by the council,” says Oly. “Sometimes, I think: why didn’t you tell us about the support available? It didn’t have to be like this, right?”
Oly and Leasa making up the sofa bed they have slept on for the past five years. Photograph: Saskia Albers/Portray Your Story
Clive says: “Kinship carers are like the shadow of the care system. We are not well recognised, not well understood or appreciated, and the system almost takes advantage of that. That’s wHere’s what it feels like.”
Lucy Peake, chief executive of Kinship, says kinship carers save the state £4.3bn a year that would otherwise be spent on children’s homes and foster care.
“Relatives often say they are told that if they don’t step in, children will go into care,” Peake says. “They step up to do the right thing for children. Kinship carers regularly tell us they felt under pressure to make a decision without enough time, information or clarity about the support available to them.
“It’s time their extraordinary contribution to children and our society is recognised,” she adds.
Earlier this year, the government launched a three-year pilot scheme in seven local authorities, giving kinship carers a financial allowance in line with foster carers for the first time. Foster carers currently receive between £170 and £299 a week, depending on where they live and the age of the child. The children’s minister, Josh MacAlister, said the pilot recognised “the vital role [kinship carers] play ensuring families can stay together”.
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Alan, Julie and Ella. ‘She has a way of showing us things,’ says Alan. Photograph: Saskia Albers/Portray Your Story
Kinship welcomes the scheme but points out it covers just 5,000 children. “Unlike foster carers who receive months of preparation and ongoing support, kinship carers have no notice and get little support, forcing many to lose jobs, pensions, savings and even their own retirement to keep a child they love out of the care system,” says Peake.
Research shows kinship care is not only cheaper than residential or foster care, but more likely to lead to better outcomes for the child while helping them retain a strong sense of family and identity. Yet the latest Kinship survey found many carers were struggling financially, falling into debt and relying on food banks.
For all the stress, many enthuse about the joy kinship caring has brought. Alan talks about lying on the floor next to Ella, watching her smile as he sings Beatles songs to her. She is non-verbal and is only just learning to walk aged nine, but “she has a way of showing us things”, Alan says proudly.
Clive says he is often asked at conferences to name his greatest achievement. Once he would have said turning a school around or becoming a headteacher at 28. Now, he says, “keeping my niece in the family means more than any of those accolades”.
For Oly, “the best thing is when I look at the boys and they are laughing from the heart. They didn’t do that when they first came. They were in shock. So when I see that laughter, and feel those hugs … yeah, that fills my heart.”
Frequently Asked Questions
Here is a list of FAQs about the topic You have 10 minutes to decide answering the lifechanging call to become a kinship carer
1 What exactly is a kinship carer
A kinship carer is someone who steps up to raise a child when their parents cant You might be a grandparent aunt uncle older sibling cousin or even a close family friend Youre not a strangeryoure already part of that childs life
2 Why do I only have 10 minutes to decide
In an emergency social services may call because a child needs a safe place immediatelyoften the same day The 10minute window is usually just to get a quick yes Im willing to be considered so they can start the process Its not the final legal commitment its the first step to keep the child out of stranger care
3 What if I say yes in those 10 minutesam I locked in forever
No Saying yes usually means you agree to an emergency placement or to be assessed as a carer You can change your mind later though its best to be honest early The final arrangement takes weeks or months and involves assessments
4 What kind of support can I get as a kinship carer
Support varies by country and region but often includes
A weekly allowance to cover the childs costs
Help with clothing school supplies and travel
Access to a social worker
Training on trauma behavior and legal rights
Respite care
You usually have to ask for thesetheyre not always automatic
5 Do I need to be a perfect parent or have a lot of money
No You need to be safe willing and able to meet the childs basic needs Social services look at your home health and backgroundnot your income or fancy house Many kinship carers are ordinary people on tight budgets
6 What if the child has serious behavioral or medical needs
You can still say yes to the emergency placement but be clear about what you can handle Ask for a full history as soon as possible You can request extra support like therapy specialist equipment or a higher allowance If its too much you can ask for the child to be movedthough
