When I was a kid, I remember the look on my uncle’s face when one of my sticky little cousins drank from his can of soda. He said he couldn’t drink it anymore because someone else’s saliva had touched it. Nobody called him a germaphobe weirdo out loud, but we were all thinking it. We were even more shocked when he threw away the old can and grabbed a new one, because back in the early 1990s, wasting things was a big deal—fizzy drinks were a treat, and our parents definitely didn’t have the “don’t worry if you can’t finish that, darling” attitude.
Fast forward 35 years, and I’ve realized I’ve become that uncle. And it’s not just drinks—it applies to food too. This might surprise some people, since I’m Indian and sharing food is a big part of who we are. But at home, we serve food in big pots, family style. Each dish has its own spoon, and that kind of sharing is totally fine. There’s no double-dipping because we follow unspoken rules. What’s not fine, though, is when different cultures mix and someone thinks it’s okay to put a spoon that’s been in their mouth back into the main pot, or use it to scoop something from someone else’s plate.
The other week, I went to a fancy restaurant—the kind with only five items on the menu and delicate glassware. Since I quit drinking alcohol a year ago, I’ve been treating myself to more desserts, and because I’m in that wonderfully stubborn “I’ll do whatever I want” phase of perimenopause, I ordered a crème brûlée as a starter. The waitress, in what felt like an act of aggression, asked, “Two spoons?” even though I gave no sign I wanted to share.
I was with new friends, so I did the British thing and said yes, even though I wanted to say no. But when the two spoons arrived, I couldn’t keep up the act. As my new friend held her spoon up, I told her she had to take the first bite. “Oh, but then you won’t get to crack the top of the brûlée!” she said. I had to calmly explain that at 45, I’d be fine missing out on that. When I saw she was about to argue again, I had to be direct: “I really don’t want to double-dip because I’m worried about catching germs.”
Despite the awkward silence that followed, I don’t regret it at all.
The pandemic definitely radicalized me, especially since I knew so many people who seemed to catch COVID after sharing food from each other’s plates. But it also made me notice how often I got sick after sharing drinks with friends who insisted I try theirs and asked to try mine. Those viruses often knocked me out for two weeks, and now I flat-out refuse. I don’t care if it’s made from a flower that only blooms every 20 years. If it’s touched your mouth and you’re not my partner, it’s not touching mine.
“But I’m fine,” a friend protested when I refused to try the braised cauliflower on her plate, muttering that I was being fussy. When she messaged me two days later saying she’d come down with a cold, I replied, “Vindication!” She didn’t respond.
Poorna Bell is a freelance journalist and author of She Wanted More.
Frequently Asked Questions
Here is a list of FAQs about the stance that sharing food is unhygienic without strict rules
BeginnerLevel Questions
Q Why do you think sharing food is unhygienic
A Because when you share food you can easily pass germs bacteria and viruses from one persons mouth or hands to anothers Even if someone looks clean they might be carrying a cold a stomach bug or other infections
Q Isnt sharing food just a normal friendly thing to do
A Its very common but friendliness doesnt automatically make it safe You can be friendly and still protect your health by having clear rules about how to share
Q Whats the biggest risk of sharing food without rules
A The biggest risk is catching a contagious illness like the flu strep throat or a stomach virus You can also spread things like cold sores or food allergies by accident
Q What do you mean by strict rules
A Rules like only use a clean unused utensil to serve yourself dont doubledip dont eat from a communal bowl with your hands and dont share if you feel sick or have a cut in your mouth
IntermediateLevel Questions
Q Is it safe to share food with my family or close friends
A Its generally safer because youre likely already exposed to their germs But even with family strict rules can prevent spreading a sudden cold or stomach bug that hasnt shown symptoms yet
Q What about sharing a pizza or a bag of chips
A Those are highrisk because people touch the food directly The best rule is to pour chips into a bowl or cut the pizza into clean slices before anyone touches it Never eat directly from the shared box or bag
Q Are buffets and potlucks safe if everyone uses the serving spoon
A They are safer but not 100 safe People might accidentally touch the serving spoon with their own dirty spoon or their hands The risk is lower but strict rules are best
Q What about sharing drinks or using the same straw
A This is very unhygienic You can easily exchange saliva and germs for
